(Closed) Bridesmaid backed out…

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Do you think you would accomplish anything positive by telling her that her decision hurt your feelings?

I think it was inappropriate of her to tell you that she was not going to make it on Facebook. If anything warrants a personal phone call, this would be it.

I think your feelings are perfectly valid- feelings are always valid. It’s how we act on them that is important.


Post # 5
2058 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@brew2b: I had a bridesmaid back out of my wedding recently and it definitely sucks. I think she had a valid reason for backing out and I am still hurt.  It’s a sucky situation.

Maybe send her a message or next time you talk to her, tell her how sad/bummed you are that she can’t be a part of your wedding, rather than how hurt you are. That might be a less confrontational way to word things.

Post # 6
2488 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

why can’t she bring her kids with?

Post # 7
13 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

I just had a bridesmaid back out on me too, saying that she had a meeting for work that weekend and couldn’t miss it. I didn’t have the nerve to say much to her, but it really hurt my feelings. Sounds to me like your “friend” is just making excuses so if you call her out on this one she’ll just make up another.

Post # 9
7750 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@brew2b:  Well that’s crazy. It’s not like she won’t get into her prefered college because she misses one day of kindergarten. I’ve taken my kids out of school to do a 2 week trip to a wedding. But it is (barely) possible that she is being serious. I’ve known other parents to get really funny about their kids and school.

It sounds to me more like she’s making excuses though. (You’re right about her husband too, I mean who can’t get time off work with 8 months’ notice?). I’m guessing it’s either money, or she’s just so busy with her own life that she can’t be bothered. Either way, you can’t force her to be in your wedding.

In answer to your original question, I wouldn’t express disappointment about being a BM; because if she’s going to be difficult you don’t want her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. However I would express disappointment that she can’t attend at all.

Post # 10
10453 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2014

Whaaaaat? She has eight months to figure this out!!

Post # 12
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I think you should tell her that you’re hurt- but don’t expect her to change her mind. Such good friends should be able to communicate openly, and not hold grudges that one of them is upset with the other. A true friend isn’t afraid to tell you the truth or tell you if you’re being a brat/bridezilla/whatever, even if it sucks to hear it. With that said, how has your friendship been other than this? When she comes to visit her parents, does she make time for you? Do you get together and get along with her husband? Do you think this is him not wanting to come and her just making up an excuse to avoid an awkward conversation? PP said some people are funny about their kids missing school, while I agree and also agree that it’s a small percent of parents that wouldn’t pull their kids for one day of school at ANY age, I’m doubting that is the real reason. Money is also a definite possibility.

Post # 13
8455 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

@brew2b:  Maybe it’s her finances and she’s embarassed to say something.  I agree that a phone call would be better than FB, but it seems like the reasons she’s giving you aren’t quite adding up.  I think I would feel hurt if someone did this to me, I don’t see why she can’t find a sitter for a couple of days if she has 8 months to plan it.

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