Post # 1
I have a 17 year old cousin that I asked to be my bridesmaid. She is my only female relative close to my age, so I thought it would be great to have her be part of the wedding. I asked her back in October to send me her dress measurements. I sent her e-mails reminding her pretty much every week from October through December to send me her measurements, but she never did. I talked to her mom about it, and all she would say is, “I’ll have her get them for you soon.” After December, I pretty much gave up and asked another friend of mine to take her place. I had a feeling my cousin wasn’t interested, since she started ignoring my e-mails. I still had a little hope that I would hear from her, but I never did.
So, this past weekend I send my aunt (her mother) and e-mail just asking how she and the family have been. She didn’t say much, but did include this in her e-mail about my cousin:
“I did get with Courtney about the dress and being a bridesmaid and she said if you could – to please find a substitute for her. I’m sure you have already done that though 🙂 If you need specifics I’ll let Courtney explain.”
Huh? That’s it? I’ve been trying for months to have her send me her measurements, and she can’t even tell me herself that she doesn’t want to be part of the wedding? I’m pretty upset about this. I feel like my cousin and her family don’t care much about my wedding. I also am shocked they didn’t even provide a reason for this behavior. My cousin ignores most of my e-mails, so I doubt I will get anything out of her about what’s going on. Has this happened to anyone else? Any advice on what to do?
Post # 3
SO WEIRD. There’s definitely something going on there. Your call as to whether you want to take the bait in the email, though. It might be best to say simply, “I’m sorry Courtney won’t be able to be involved. I’ll make other plans.” I GUARANTEE if you sit tight, family gossip will get back to you eventually.
Post # 4
Oh, and OF COURSE you are right to be pissed about this. They’re your own freaking family — it’s ridiculous that they can’t get back to you for months about something of this magnitude. Vent to us, your Fiance and friends, but you might have the upper hand in the end by simply taking note that that part of the family is not very dependable, and moving on from it.
Post # 5
My sis did this to me but she wasnervous about standing in front of people!
Post # 6
Honestly, she’s only 17 so I wouldn’t get upset about her immiture behavior. She’s young and doesn’t understand the importance of a wedding to a bride.
I would however be slightly upset with you aunt for not telling you sooner. Maybe email your aunt back and just say “Courtney is obviously avoiding me / slightly embarressed to tell me why so can you please explain?” or something along those lines.
If you had no problem finding a replacement then I would dwell on this too much. At least she did it sooner rather than right before the wedding when you wouldn’t have had time to find / fit a replacement.
Post # 7
I’d let it go, she’s 17. I invited my 21 yr old cousin to come to my bachelorette and like 2 days before we all flew out she told my Maid/Matron of Honor “Oh, I can’t come”. So yeah, it sucks that she’s a flake but she’s also a teenager. It isn’t that out of the ordinary.
Post # 8
Thanks for your responses. I guess the reason this bothers me so much is because I have very little family. I was raised by my grandmother, so I have no parents in my life. I also have no siblings. I have 9 family members total, so I want them all to be present and active on my wedding day. I realize I can’t force people to do things I want, so I will have to let this go and try not to dwell on it.
Post # 9
I agree with PP, she’s 17. She probably had some kind of hesitation initially, but didn’t know how to say it. Her mom, by putting on you to ask her, may well actually be trying to get her daughter to be open with you about why she’s backing out.
Just ignore it and move on. I’m assuming you’ll still invite them to the wedding, so it really shouldn’t make much difference for purposes of planning since you have already found someone else to stand with you.