(Closed) bridesmaid backed out on me. :(

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
31 posts
  • Wedding: March 2010

I ould go ahead and have uneven sides. You need to have people that are in your wedding party that you can count on for the long run not people just for pictures. I am having uneven sides and trust me it takes awhile to get use to but you can find some pretty cool pictures of this situation.

Post # 4
452 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

i’m sorry to hear that. at least you found out now and not 1 month before the wedding. it’s really ok to have an uneven bridal party. i think it’s better to not have someone there, than to have somewhere there who does not really have meaning to you. if you’re still not comfortable with this, do you have a close male friend who can stand up for you? really, don’t feel bad about having to have someone else be there just to have an even bridal party. noone will think anything of it. it’s your wedding. enjoy it the way you and your Fiance want to….even if it means having uneven numbers. good luck!

Post # 5
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2020

I’m sorry to hear this. That stinks, but PLEASE don’t make yourself pick somebody just to be even. BMs should be people you are close to and want to share your special day with, not just somebody you like enough to keep the sides even.

Post # 6
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m sorry!  But I agree with the other posts.  Maybe it would be better to have uneven sides.  You don’t want to choose someone simply for the sake of choosing.  Better to have two people you really care about and that care about you up there than two and an iffy!

Post # 7
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

You don;t need the sides to be even. One girl walks with two guys.Done. Don’t have someone up there with  you just to be matchy matchy.

Post # 8
349 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I can speak from personal experience on this one.

First, I’m really sorry about how the situation unfolded. I’m sure it was kind of a shock, but here’s the thing: it’s still all good, and here’s why:

1. Be grateful she backed out early one, because if she had waited until dresses were purchased, or never backed out at all, and made everything hard on you, that would have been worse. We had two groomsmen we had to ask step down because we had so many problems with them, including money problems and personal problems. It really put a huge damper on wedding planning while they were still in the party, and once we all mutually agreed they leave, everything was a lot better.

2. Uneven numbers on each side are perfectly fine! My fiance originally had four on his side, and I have three. How he has two, and I still have three. Don’t worry about the odd numbers. It doesn’t mean it will look bad in pictures, and no one will even care.

I say stick with the wedding party you currently have. Never ask someone just because you need another person. Honestly? The smaller, the better, I think. It’ll make it a lot easier on you, trust me!

Keep your head up for now! You’ll get through it and have an amazing wedding!

Post # 9
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Sorry she needed to back out but I think she is a great friend for giving you ample time with this choice. For now, I would leave the sides uneven. A lot can happen in a year, you may become closer with someone else and you have plenty of time to another bm.

On another note, you may want to include your friend in another way – perhaps she can do a reading or something?

Post # 10
1454 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

If you really want it to be even- what about your mom? Or an aunt or cousin? A lot of people do that and I think it is so sweet, especially if your dad walks you down the aisle… your mom could be up there with you!

Post # 11
14181 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

You don’t HAVE to have 3 bridesmaids. Just roll wtih it. It’s better than having someone in your wedding party you aren’t that close with.

I’d reiterate to her that you want he with you on the day OF, even if she can’t dedicate the time to it in the months leading up to the wedding. Shoot, I had a bm from California in my wedding. She came in town for my wedding and was IN it, but she wasn’t able to participate with anything pre-wedding. I could have cared less. Make sure she knwos this, as she may just feel guilty that she can’t help you out much before.

We had his sister stand on his side, and we had the men walk out first, then the women, so nobody was really “paired up” for the ceremony. For the entrance into the reception, SIL/groomsperson walked in with her husband, also a groomsman, and two of my bridesmaids got to be arm candy for one groomsmen. It was cute and definitely no big deal.

Post # 12
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Wow…I had the EXACT same thing happen to me! One of my girls had to back out because she was going to school and doing clinicals (nursing.) So now I have 6 BM’s and my Mr. has 7 dudes. No biggie. We will have my Maid/Matron of Honor walk by herself (or with 2 gents if she so wishes.) But in your case, I wouldn;t worry, perhaps send them all down the aisle single file? Groomsmen..Bridesmaid or Best Man..Groomsmen..Bridesmaid or Best Man..Groomsmen..instead of pairing them up. You so don’t have to have an exact number.

Post # 13
685 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I hear ya.  Our wedding is just under a year and we haven’t officially named our bridal party (except Maid/Matron of Honor and the best man).  Before we started planning, my Future Sister-In-Law gave me the advice of choosing the BMs as close to the wedding as possible because a lot of things can change. 

I recently finished school and I thought of naming some of my classmates to be my BMs.  It’s been only about 4 months since we finished school and already we’re losing touch with one another.  So glad I didn’t ask them yet.

Post # 15
5495 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I feel you. When I got engaged on of my BFF’s told me she’d be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but had to pull out because her place of work isn’t going to allow vacation time at all next year since they are opening a new wing.

You can be uneven if you want, I don’t thik it would be that big of a deal. I hope you get it figured out!

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