Post # 1
Hey bees…you all have been my emotional support throughout the whole wedding process! I’ve been reading, laugh (& cry!) with all the posts I’ve been reading! 🙂
Anyway long story short – I’m so frustrated that one of my bridesmaid backed out from planning the bachelorette party…I’m totally fine with planning my own but I guess the “rules” say that the bride should never plan her party. I guess I never knew I’d get so disappointed when I find out some girls can’t go…especially one of them is the bridesmaid. I was already worried about my bridesmaid since some of them were never married, so they may not know what to do to help. However, I’ve get all the wedding planning under control, so the only thing left is the party & bridal shower.
One of the gal, let’s call her Miss T, has been my good friend this whole time. I’ve asked her if she could plan the party and she promised wholeheartedly…anyway, time flew by and I didn’t get much updates from her, she said no one replied so I told her just tell everyone it’s this date and this location. (I picked them out so it makes it easier on her part to plan). Anyway, there are times when I bit my tongue from asking TOO much since I didn’t want to the bridezilla. So now she’s telling me today (little less than3 months away from trip) that she can’t go anymore, and she passed all the info to my SIL (my SIL is also planning the bridal shower so I don’t want her to do everything). The reason she can’t go is reasonable, since her husband is not from the country, she needs to get a visa for him which is extremely expensive.
I’m just so frustrated that she’s just telling me NOW. I wonder how long it took her to tell me…I wish she would just tell me upfront so I can ask other gals to plan this. Maybe I should’ve seen this coming? This was the gal that also told me she wanted her own bachelorette party, after tickets were booked for no reason she BACKED OUT OF HER OWN PARTY. So we all gals just went to vegas and partied without her, but it was definitely weird.
Anyway, I’m very disappointed..she’s a sweet person but I feel like this repeated pattern of action is really getting annoying. I’m the type of person that appreciates others to be direct with me. You could tell me yes/no upfront and I wouldn’t be mad, but respect you for your deicison.
Again, sorry it’s a long post but definitely somthing I wanted to vent about for awhile. 🙁
Post # 3
OP, sorry you’re having to deal with this.
I hope you have a fun party anyway!
Post # 4
Maybe she felt like she couldn’t tell you because of the situation you put her in. From reading your post it says that you told her to throw you a party and you told her when and where to have the party. Maybe she feels a bit overwhelmed and controlled and didn’t know how to say no to you since you were being so forthright and she didn’t want to upset you.
You also say “I was already worried about my bridesmaid since some of them were never married, so they may not know what to do to help.” I’m sorry but your attitude here comes off as a bit condescending. Maybe she has picked up on that?
Post # 5
Take it from someone who has planned multiple bachelorette party. It doesn’t not take three months to plan.
The toughest part of it is getting everyone to pick a time and a date. If I were you I tell her to inform the other bms and let them work together on planning the party.
I also think you need to chill out, it sounds like you mirco managed the whole thing, and honestly you should have approached it different. Tell your friends hey I really like a balchorette, T can’t do it anymore will you guys plan anything? Rather then picking one person and putting her on the spot. I also think you should be thankful she didn’t just drop the ball completely, or waited until the week before hand and backed out.
Is Sil your MOH? I would just let her host, I think showers are much harder. Bachlorettes are easy peasy in comparison since there aren’t nearly as big, and don’t need a lot of decor and other stuff.
Now that you vented, get it all out of your system, then take a deep breath and let it go!
Post # 6
@katkat123: Your bachelorette party idea is a trip involving visas? Well, that might be your clue as to why people are less than enthusiastic.
Post # 7
I would suggest you move on. Think about it this way, you have less to worry about
Post # 8
@HannahGrace: LOL, right?
sorry OP, I think you are beig ridiculous.
Post # 9
how is 3 months before a trip last minute? that’s more time than you have to give to quit a job, lease, etc all things much more important than a bachelorette.
i fail to see the problem. your bachelorette required visas, and going out of the country – already that’s a lot to ask of someone. and she might not have realised the full extent of what the visa would cost entail.
it sounds like she told you as soon as possible, passed the prep off to someone capable and you’re still having the party. i don’t think you have any reason to be upset with her, and you said completely unreasonable.
Post # 10
@HannahGrace: I actually think what that meant is bridemaid has to save for a visa for her husband.
Post # 11
I think it was unfair that you asked her in the first place. You shouldn’t ask someone to throw you a party. If someone offers then awesome, but don’t put someone in a situation where it is uncomfortable for them to say no.
Post # 12
I’m sorry that she as well as some other girls can’t make it but that’s the risk you take when you plan some big to-do. I don’t know why brides now think they need some big huge thing for an entire weekend that will costs hundreds of dollars. I can’t make it to my friend’s bachelorette party (and I’m a BM) because it would cost me at least $600 (flight plus hotel for the weekend) and we’re trying to buy a house. You get one damn night people!! Unless you have a situation that doesn’t cost people a lot of money (I had mine at a free beach house that only required a 2 hour drive and split food costs)
Post # 13
@katkat123: I get that your upset, but your BM had a valid reason for backing out. You yourself admitted that.
A Bachelorette Party doesn’t need 3 months for planning. If you’re doing a big trip then yes, it might need more time. . . but don’t be surprised or hurt when people can’t afford to go – BMs included. See about having your MOH plan something, but don’t get upset if it turns out to be something closer to home. It’s nice for the person planning to take your thoughts into consideration, but sometimes it just isn’t possible.
And I agree with the PP who said you shouldn’t have asked her to plan it for you. If she had offered that would be one thing, but you should always do your best to avoid situations where someone may feel uncomfortable saying no – which is what this situation sounds like.
Post # 14
@HannahGrace: I don’t think the bachelorette requires visas, I think the BM planning it needs to save her money for her husband’s visa rather than spending it on the party.
Post # 15
I planned my own bachelorette and all my bridesmaids were not there. It’s only December and your wedding is May. When is this bachelorette? I think you need to lower your expectations and get over this. As long as she is there for your wedding I wouldn’t complain.
Post # 16
@ValerieBee03: I think you are right….the post was hard to follow. in any case, sounds like the OP is still getting a party, so hopefully she can move past this.