(Closed) Bridesmaid backed out with three weeks to go!

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

First try to convince FH it isn’t a big deal.

Then if that doesn’t work, make HIM ask his sister and explain the situation. Blood is thicker than water. Better her being annoyed at him than at you!

Post # 4
1276 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

You really don’t need to have someone fill in, especially if its difficult to get the dress in time. I agree with the above poster that make him ask and explain the situation if you choose to include the sister. 

Post # 5
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I agree with @red_rose: if he wants to include his sister then he should ask her and explain it

Post # 7
3049 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 1991

Personal experience… I asked the his SILs to be in the wedding after family drama galore. They were happy to do it, but not as excited as they would’ve been had they been asked beforehand. Now I understand it’s a different situation, they’re his SILs, not his sisters, so they understood why they weren’t asked in the beginning. I guess I’m just saying, you can ask her, but don’t expect a party or anything. If you honestly think it will be good for her to be in the wedding, do it and just explain your true feelings. If you don’t care one way or the other if she’s in it, please don’t ask her. Feelings suck, and she will probably be hurt with your “I don’t care” attitude, even if you mean no harm.

I agree with everyone though, he should be the initial one to ask her. And then you should follow up with telling her how you feel about it.

Post # 8
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

sorry to hear that — similar situation — just know that an uneven # of BM’s isnt a big deal in the grand scheme of things.. people won’t be looking at that, but at YOU TWO.. its not about them. I agree with the others — that’s his sister, & he needs to communicate that with her if you two really want to fill in the spot — hope everything works out in the end 🙂

Post # 10
1995 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I’d be honest and explain to FSIL that you’d love for her to jump in since shes family and you’d love to have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Try not to play up the fact that you didn’t ask her in the first place. 

Post # 11
157 posts
Blushing bee

One of my bridesmaids did the EXACT same thing. Another one SIMPLY didn’t show up and I found out about 45 minutes before my ceremony that she wasn’t going to be there.

At least you have notice enough to figure out what you’re going to do. Honestly, I didn’t hear anyone at the ceremony or reception complaining about my “unbalanced” wedding party. It was perfect even without them there so don’t sweat it!!!!

Post # 12
3254 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A similar situation happened to us because FH’s cousin backed out about a month before the wedding. FH had regretted asking his cousin and not one of his good guy friends because his cousin was really flaky and kept backing out of stuff, but he had felt like he had to ask him instead because he’s family. His guy friend was really pumped after he asked him and didn’t seem to feel like a replacement at all.

Have your FH explain to his sister that while this situation is obviously less than ideal as it’s last-minute, you are both excited at this opportunity to have her involved in the wedding. Have him talk to her!

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