- 7 years ago
- Wedding: September 2011
So I got engaged in November of 2010. I of course asked my best friend of ten years to be my Maid/Matron of Honor, and then my 3 best girl friends to be my bridesmaids. They all seemed so excited and happy to be a part of our day.
Fast forward to April of 2011. Dresses were purchased and paid for by all maids in March. Granted, I have been busy with wedding planning and being a house wife in general as my groom and I bought a house together, but I still made time to speak with/see my friends on a pretty regular basis, if not by phone then by e-mail. Lola (we’ll use that name instead of her real name) e-mails me and says that I am so consumed with wedding planning that she feels that I have changed and that she feels that our friendship needs repair (her exact words- repair), so she feels backing out of the wedding party would be the best thing to do at this point. She went on and on about how much she loved me and cares about our friendship so this is why she was backing out. Add to this the fact that she agreed to go on a bachelorette weekend prior to this, and then also backed out of that, leaving the rest of the girls with her portion of the cost. Also, when we went dress shopping, she had a puss on her face the entire time, which was so obvious that my Mom asked what her deal was. During the shower planning process, the other girls communicated to my Mom that she was giving them a hard time as well.
So to repair the friendship she felt she needed to back out, whatever. I was so nice in my reply, saying that if that’s what she felt she needed to do, then ok. If she would still like to be a part of the day in some sort of “official” capacity then I would love for her to hand out programs at the ceremony or do a reading. She never addressed either so I’m assuming she wants no parts in anything having to do with my wedding. She kept going on and on about how I’ve changed and that I am too consumed with my wedding, to which I responded with, planning a wedding is consuming because it’s alot of work and hopefully one day when you’re in my shoes you will understand that. She said she felt better after getting this off her chest and I told her that her happiness is important to me so I’m glad she feels better. She threw in some cheap shots about the bachelorette party not being her cup of tea and I explained that I would have done whatever it was that was planned for her, even if it wasn’t my cup of tea, were the roles reversed. She said some hurtful things to me, basically attacking my character and beating the whole “you’ve changed” thing into the ground. I finally had enough because I was hurt and asked that she stop emailing me for the rest of that day, because my feelings were hurt enough and I didn’t want to say anything I didn’t mean but might say out of anger.
It’s been a month, and she hasn’t attempted to contact me or speak to me in any way. If she was so concerned with “repairing our friendship”, shouldn’t she be trying to talk to me?? My feelings are hurt as we have been friends for about 5 years or so, and always talked about the day when we would get married and how much fun it would all be. Keep in mind, that she has been with her boyfriend about a year longer than I have been with mine, and he has said that he has no intention of proposing to her… could she just be jealous and projecting her feelings about their siutation onto my wedding???
Do I have to invite her to the wedding now? She’s not even talking to me and she did say some hurtful things. I also was inviting her parents, since she was in the wedding party and I have met her parents on a bunch of occassions. It should be said though, that if she was not in the wedding party, I never would have put her parents on the list….
I just need some feedback and maybe some insight into why she would totally change her tune about our wedding and our friendship.