Post # 1
I’m having a destination wedding in Mexico. All my guests and bridesmaids/MOH have comfirmed they’ll be coming with us there to celebrate except for one of my bridesmaid who’s now bailing on the whole wedding.
We’re having a BBQ wedding and she’s a vegetarian. She assumed there would be a vegetarian option on the menu for her but there isn’t. We do have sides that she can eat like potatoes and salad. She just texted me telling me she’s not shelling out thousands on my destination wedding, when I can’t give her a vegetarian entree.
I don’t know what to do. We can’t afford to change the whole menu by adding another entree meal as it’ll cost us more money. I told her she can just order room service in her hotel that I will pay for after the wedding and she can eat a vegetarian meal then but she hung up.
The wedding venue is strict with no outside food allowed in. She’s bitter that in a sit down dinner she won’t be able to eat her meal like everyone else.
She’s the only vegetarian in my wedding and I wasn’t about to pay extra money for an option no one would of ordered aside from her. She’s really mad at me.
What to do? I think she’s more mad over the fact it’s a destination wedding rather than a local wedding and she had to take days off from work and have bridesmaid duities where she had to spend money on a dress, & bach. party, than the meat only entrees.
Post # 2
I’m not surprised she’s pissed at you. You’ve asked her to spend lots of money being your bridesmaid and you can’t even shell out for a few veggie sausages?! But it’s ok she can eat potatoes and salad *rolls eyes*
Post # 3
So, you want her to take off time from work, using up precious vacation days, shell out thousands of dollars on plane flights and hotel (not to mention $$ for a dress, bach party, etc), and you can’t even be arsed to feed her a proper meal during the meal? And this is supposed to be one of your most honored, closest friends? You seriously can’t even feed her at the dinner?
Post # 4
Ha is this post for real?? I’d be so pissed that I’d travelled all
that way at my own expense (I’m assuming!) and you hadn’t even considered what I could eat? I’m sure the venue caters for vegetarian / dietary requirements all the time so I really can’t see why this would be such a huge add on/expense. No wonder she’s ‘bitter’ some friend you are quite honestly.
Post # 5
[comment deleted for violation of tos]
Post # 6
I would simply apologise and tell her you understand it’s a big ask of her, sorry you couldn’t work out a vegetarian option for her and that you’re offer for her to get room service on you still stands if she would like to attend, but understand if she can’t / don’t want to.
Honestly I’d be pretty pissed too if I’m travelling all that distance for your wedding, shelling out money for all things bridesmaids related, and you can’t even let me eat a nice hot meal with everyone else. Why wasn’t this discussed and agreed upon beforehand?
There are plenty of nice vegetarian dishes (pasta?) that I’m sure a lot of guests would’ve been glad to order.
Post # 7
[comment deleted for violation of TOS]
Post # 8
Your username suggests you either don’t think it even warrants serious consideration or that you are a poor victim thrown away by a – gasp- vegetarian . And if you believes she’s “more mad over the fact it’s a destination wedding rather than a local wedding and she had to take days off from work and have bridesmaid duities where she had to spend money on a dress, & bach. party, than the meat only entrees”. Then let her off the hook whydontcha!!!
I’m with her , damn right she doesn’t want to go to a destination wedding to be told to shut up and eat potatoes ( which were probably cooked on the same BBQ as the meat ) or salad.
ETA On reflection, I think you are right pp above !!
Post # 9
vegetarianthrowaway : Sorry Bee but I think you are in the wrong… I do think that she could have handled it much better but Veggie is a VERY standard option. She is not a guest asking for a low carb meal for their diet of the month, she is your Bridesmaid who is flying to a different country to support you. I understand the budget is a concern but have you discussed her being Veggie with the venue?
Post # 10
Many venues are pretty good with accommodating the odd vegetarian/vegan. Maybe just ask them? I know ours is without an added cost – so long as we let them know of any dietary requirements beforehand.
If not, then girl yeah you need to reassess. You’re not in the right here. Least you could do for your Bridesmaid or Best Man is give her a decent feed when she’s travelled so far geez
Post # 11
You don’t have to have a vegetarian meal as an option for everyone but you should have had a special meal arranged for her. She’s right, why would she shell out thousands for you to have your dream wedding in Mexico if you don’t even care about her being able to have a meal with thyou other guests. You seriously expect her to make such a huge effort for your wedding and then sit there with a side salad while all the other guests eat and then just eat room service by herself in the evening?!
Post # 12
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
You’re so in the wrong it isn’t funny. Did you even discuss with your venue the possibility of adding a single vegetarian meal for one guest? You don’t need to add a whole other option for all your guests, you just need to get them to provide one vegetarian meal. You’re expecting her to take time off work, shell out for airfare and hotel, and buy a dress, and you can’t even provide her with a vegetarian meal? I’d bail too.
My Maid/Matron of Honor is coeliac. She has to be super careful not just to eat no gluten, but about cross-contamination. What you’re doing is equivalent to me not telling the venue about this and expecting her to deal with it. Is this what I did? Hell no. I made sure from our first food discussion that the venue knew we had a coeliac guest, and that they had to be meticulous about no cross-contamination. I had one tier of our wedding cake made gluten free (and if you didn’t know, you’d never have guessed – it was just as delicious) so that she could enjoy that too. She’s my dearest friend, and so not doing this for her was never even an option. Get over yourself, talk to your venue about providing a single vegetarian entree and hope like hell that she forgives you. I don’t know whether I would.
Post # 13
So she is not willing to spend money on a vacation basically, just because at the ceremony there won’t be a quality vegetarian dinner option?
I think you are right. The problem is not the food here, but the location. I would be happy/excited to attend a destination wedding (if I can afford it). I would not say no to a raw vegan dry wedding on (***insert awesome destination wedding location***) just because that would be basically the opposite of what I eat and prefer, especially if the bride offered to pay for whatever else I wanted to eat instead.
I think this is a bad, childish excuse, if she wanted to go she would have accepted your offer to buy her dinner she can eat. And seriously… since when do we choose weddings we attend by the food offered vs the people getting married??
I think she doesn’t want to travel at all, and this her excuse.
(I’m so glad no one was attending our destination wedding, but the two of us!)
Post # 14
vegetarianthrowaway : She’s a bridesmaid shelling out money and using time off work for a destination wedding YOU chose. The least you can do as a host is to feed her a proper meal not some side dishes. I would not spend my time and money on you either if you can’t accommodate me. You’re the selfish one here.
Post # 15
melihbee : I think you’re missing the point here. It doesn’t matter where the location is, it could be 5 minutes down the road. But to not offer the one vegetarian a meal, who is not only a guest but a bridesmaid (so I’m assuming she’s a close friend – so even worse) is just poor hosting and also a real slap in the face. What would you do if someone had a nut allergy? Tell them to suck it up and hope for the best? I honestly despair.
Like other posters have said, vegetarian is such a standard thing that I’m sure your venue/caterer can accommodate one vegetarian meal, it doesn’t have to be for everyone.
If I was the bm I would seriously evaluate my friendship with the op.