Post # 136
Holy… calm down people! No one ever told you guys no? She explained MANY TIMES that was told no, and NO SHE CAN’T TAKE HER OWN FOOD TO THE WEDDING.
This is not Walmart where you can yell at people and they will kiss your a** for it. This is a different country. The “customer is always right” is a very American thing. They may just tell OP she can go elsewhere with her special requests and demands.
I bet if she wasn’t a vegetarian/vegan you would not be reacting like this. I bet if OP was vegan and her friend demanded something with meat, you would be on her side.
Post # 137
melihbee : I’ve lived in 11 different countries (including Mexico) and planned parties or participating in planning parties in all of them. I’ve never encountered a situation like this one. Yes, she might just be getting a spectacularly bad customer service provider, but there’s an equally real chance that the caterer thinks he can squeeze more money from her for a service he would provide to another customer.
Post # 138
melihbee : Someone who eats meat can eat a vegan meal. Someone who is vegan cannot eat meat. So yeah, I wouldn’t think it awful if a meat-inclusive meal wasn’t offered at a vegan’s wedding.
Post # 139
lyfe_girl : but that means I would have to eat what I don’t want to eat. For example the bridesmaid would have to eat potatoes and salad and for some reason according to some comments here, that’s the most horrible thing a friend can do to a vegetarian.
She COULD eat something. Like I COULD eat something at a vegan wedding, but not what I want. Double standards much?
Post # 140
Ok – does the Bridesmaid or Best Man know what the veggie sides are? Like is it just potatos and salad or is there also a veggie pasta dish or something equally as filling and meal like? Does she know that she could create a meal from those (FYI Potatos and salad is not a meal)
Second – can your caterer really not just get a few veggie sausages for the BBQ? I find that super hard to believe.
Is there really no way to do a veggie entree that others would also eat? At my wedding our starter was roasted red pepper and tomato soup. It was vegan and everyone had it. No complaints from the meat eaters or the veggies or the gluten frees.
I find it hard to believe that all your other meat eating guests will only be happy with meat at every course. I mean how will they cope with pudding – are you going to make them a Rachel triffle?
Post # 142
xiexie : I offered her to get room service on me before the wedding and eat light what she could at the wedding and then I can order food for her again after the wedding.
The person who runs the venue has a strict no outside food/drinks policy and they told me they can shut the whole thing down and kick everyone out for it. I’m not sure if they will be there but I’m not going to risk it.
Post # 143
Twizbe : Salad is a macaroni & veggie one. The sides are extremely starchy in general. You will get full. I also have a ton of dessert options too.
Post # 144
vegetarianthrowaway : Yeah, it seems like you’ve made an effort. If your caterer won’t work with you on this, then he sucks. But sometimes people really do just suck, unfortunately.
Can you call your friend and reiterate one more time that you will make sure she eats and you love her and want her to be there? Otherwise, you might need to accept that she’s not going to make it, either because of this or because of some other undisclosed reason. Good luck!
Post # 145
lyfe_girl : oh please, vegan is a lifestyle choice, not an allergy.
Post # 146
Okay that makes sense, having lived in a non-western country I know that sometimes things are not simple or logical like we think they should be. Such a shame that the caterer can not be more accommodating. I think sometimes when you are there in person talking face to face it’s easier to negotiate. Best of luck
Post # 147
Kslim13 : Being vegan or vegetarian puts eating meat for them much closer to the allergy category than the personal preference category if you can’t understand that you are just being ignorant.
Post # 148
Sorry but I’m with the friend too. Makes no sense to have one of you honored guests be served only potatoes and a salad. And to tell her she can order room service to eat after the wedding is kind of a slap in the face.
This is one of your bridesmaids, someone who is already doing a lot for you to be there and support you, yet you can’t feed her one meal is very poor etiquette.
Post # 149
vegetarianthrowaway : OP have you actually explained the sides to her? From your post it sounded like she was just getting a potato and some leaves but if the salad is actually pasta then it isn’t that bad, but it does seem strange that you are only mentioning that there are lots of filling sides 10 pages in. If you think they are a real meal why did you feel the need to tell her to eat before? You probably just put her off with that.
Post # 150
It sounds like there’s more issues at play here than just this. Have you guys clashed on other issues or is this the only one?
Are you guys close friends? How long have you known her and how long has she been a vegetarian? If she’s been a vegetarian for a while and you’re close I cannot believe you didn’t give her a heads up about the menu earlier so she can make the choice to be in the wedding or not.
In your shoes I personally I would spend $1k so that my bridesmaid, who will be spending thousands to be able to be in the bridal party, can join in on the meal. I can understand completely why she’s upset.
But in her shoes, I would personally also put aside my hunger and dietary requirements for a few hours if a bride has tried her best to cater for me but can’t extend herself anymore. However, I wouldn’t be so understanding if the bride has been a bridezilla and expect the world of me when she can’t even afford to accommodate a request she should have known was coming.
I feel like you both don’t actually value each other’s friendships and it would probably be best if she withdraw from your bridal party and just let this friendship reach its ending.