(Closed) Bridesmaid bailed on wedding due to no vegetarian option???

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 151
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

vegetarianthrowaway :  Your updates make it seem like there will, in fact, be enough to eat for your bridesmaid. I also thought that she was going to get some leaves + a potato as her meal which would have SUCKED. If the salad is pasta + veggies that sounds like a meal to me. It may not be “hot” but it is a vegetarian dish.

Perhaps your bridesmaid was miffed at the idea of eating cold pasta salad and potato at what you described as a “luxury”. This situation certainly doesn’t sound luxe to me. I’d look into finding someone who can communicate more aggressively in Spanish to your caterer to try once more suggesting a veggie or black bean burger or something.

Kslim13 :   Puh-LEASE! Vegetarians and vegans can actually have quite an adverse reaction to meat especially if their body hasn’t had it in a long time. I’m sure you wouldn’t like it if a Bridesmaid or Best Man ate meat at a wedding and then ended up being very ill while in this small town in Mexico.  

Post # 152
Member
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

melihbee :  I bet if she wasn’t a vegetarian/vegan you would not be reacting like this. I bet if OP was vegan and her friend demanded something with meat, you would be on her side.

I know you think you’re being very clever with this analogy, but actually you are the one who looks intellectually challenged as well as bigoted here. Meat eaters can eat non-meat products; vegetarians/vegans cannot eat meat, so your comparison is asinine. I am puzzled as to why you seem so offended by veganism/vegetarianism. People have a myriad of reasons for choosing this lifestyle – sometimes it’s ethical, sometimes it’s for health reasons, sometimes it’s for religious reasons. Who are you to judge? You’re acting like being a vegetarian/vegan is just a superficial preference, like preferring chocolate ice cream to vanilla, but this is disingenuous and simply untrue, which I think you know deep down. 

OP, I think if you actually have hearty sides like pasta, your friend should be okay. I’d still have a Spanish speaker call and reason with the company though. When someone I’m paying for a service tells me “no” and I think they’re being ridiculous, I don’t just accept it – I push back. If that makes me difficult, so be it! I’d rather be difficult than a total pushover. 

Post # 153
Member
13473 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

vegetarianthrowaway :  Did you spend thousands of dollars to attend these birthday parties where you couldn’t eat cake? 

Post # 154
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

To put simply, if I was hosting a destination wedding and a reception for 50 people, $1k isn’t a big deal. Like you said, its comes up to $20/pp. to have my bridesmaid not feel left out at the reception.

Each of my guests are spending way more than $20 each to attend this wedding, in fact, they are each spending more than $1000 to attend this wedding. That means in grand total, they are subsidizing at least $50K to this wedding. I would be so grateful that the people I love in my life would that for me. 

$1000/50K = 0.02. If my guests can fork out $50K, I can foot 2% of that to cover the basic etiquette of hosting dinner to my guests.

Also, being a gracious host and etiquette is really important to me. Providing my guests with enough food, making them feel comfortable and having a good time is my MINIMUM standards for hosting, if I can’t afford the minimum I’m not shorting my guests. I’d be super embarassed to invite people to my “luxury” vacation wedding, and then short one guest because I can’t pay $1000 add on for the reception. It just seems the opposite of ‘luxury’ and more like cheap and low class. I’d be mortified and embarassed. Do you know what luxe means? You want people to pay high end for your wedding, but you wanna go low end on serving them. Ick.

Given the situation with the caterer, it seems you’re more willing to push back against your friend, than the rando-caterer. Copping easy way out. Why don’t you push back on the caterer the way you push back against your guest. You’re nicking the wrong side here.

Post # 155
Member
1885 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

I apologize for my original comment. I based my reasoning off assumptions to fill what was not in your OP, such as my past experience with vendors/venues and their ability to accommodate dietary preferences. From your updates it seems you’ve done what you can to try and make this right, but with the venue’s restrictive policies, you’ve run into a wall. I can also understand not wanting to put your venue at risk for a wedding this year if the venue’s owner(s) has been unwilling to budge previously.

Now, to the heart of the issue. I understand budget restrictions and not being able to add 1k to your budget to provide vegetarian options. I also understand that you have a relationship with this friend, and that you’re close enough that you made her a bridesmaid and want her to be with you to celebrate your special day. However, I also understand that destination weddings can be a pain for guests. They’re cost prohibitive, drain PTO days that would be otherwise used to celebrate on personal vacations with SOs or family, and they’re time consuming. Most people expect to spend an entire day with a bride/groom for their wedding. Most family members of the couple, and people who are in the wedding party expect to spend more time and money than the average guest, going to dress fittings, paying for a dress, bridal showers, engagement parties, dress rehearsals, getting ready with the bride or groom. But you’re asking way more when you’re having a destination wedding.

I can 100% say that I would not attend a destination wedding for anyone, regardless of my relationship to them, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love my friends and family. The only exception I would make is if I ever have children and they have one, but I would strongly caution them against it, and unfortunately the cost of attending their wedding would cut into what I would be able to give them as a wedding present.

With this scenario in particular, it sounds like the lack of a entree menu item that is edible for your friend’s dietary restrictions may have just been the straw that broke the camel’s back in her decision on whether to attend an expensive destination wedding. I think you should be more understanding of your friend’s viewpoint on this, and know that destination weddings can be hard for some guests to accommodate.

Post # 156
Member
8999 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

vegetarianthrowaway :  I don’t know if this has been asked but how many options does your bbq catering get? Because if there is more than one meat option then simply swap it out for the vegetarian. I mean that way everyone wins. Plenty of omnivores will also eat the vegetarian option.

The issue I see with the let her eat sides argument is that they will cater for sides for 50 guests which means there may not be extra for the bridesmaid to have, especially since people tend to over eat/over take at buffets. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone hungry after being told I can just eat the sides at a buffet catered event.

Post # 157
Member
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

somathemagical :  vegan is not a recognized allergy. Your not gonna sit down at a restaurant and say you have a vegan allergy. Vegans can switch back to meat if they so choose (it has been done by past vegetarians) if reintroduced back into diet at a slow progression. 

 ive worked as a line cook for 10 years now, but what do I know…..

Post # 158
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

j_jaye :  The issue I see with the let her eat sides argument is that they will cater for sides for 50 guests which means there may not be extra for the bridesmaid to have, especially since people tend to over eat/over take at buffets. I can’t tell you how many times I have gone hungry after being told I can just eat the sides at a buffet catered event.

 

Same. It’ sucks to wait in line with your plate only to arrive at the front and find that anything you could eat is already gone…

Post # 159
Member
1916 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

zzar45 :  no food safety training or exam/servsafe certification ive ever taken puts veganism close or in the allergy category. Sorry. 

Is it treated like an allergy when preparing food, yes. At most its categorized as an intolerent like gluten is. 

Post # 160
Member
72 posts
Worker bee

Kslim13 :  I can see that you’re very tolerant to all lifestyle choices. I can see that you have the ability to see other viewpoints outside of your own and are tolerant and accepting to those views. <– ETA – this is me being sarcastic.

 

Seriously though, I have no desire to be invited to your dinner parties. You come across as the kind of person that would feed a vegetarian/vegan a plate of food that was prepared with chicken/beef broth cause hey, screw it. It’s not an allergy. Only things that physically kill you maybe, just maybe, matter to you just a tiny bit. Cool story bro.

Post # 161
Member
2128 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Kslim13 :  And as someone who has also worked in the service industry for 10+ years I can tell you that the NICE places will treat veganism and vegetarianism with a high level of respect and have alternate oils + grills for individuals with this dietary restriction. Allergy… no… but it’s NOT the same as someone saying “I don’t like X food”.

OP made some clarifications to her original post that brought some more information to the picture and I do hope Bridesmaid or Best Man comes around but your dismissal of the need to provide a dear friend with a quality meal is so crazy to me.

Post # 162
Member
4994 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

Kslim13 :  Woudln’t want to eat in your restaurant…

Post # 163
Member
6145 posts
Bee Keeper

Kslim13 :  Vegans can switch back to meat if they so choose (it has been done by past vegetarians) if reintroduced back into diet at a slow progression. 

So, you think someone who has been living as a vegetarian for who knows how long should have to slowly transition to being an omnivore, despite her reasons for becoming a vegetarian (health, moral) just to attend this already inconvenient and unnecessarily expensive and time-consuming wedding? Right…

Post # 164
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2018 - Blue Bay Grand Esmeralda

 I got married at my destination wedding in Mexico and they were soooo easy to deal with.  I told them 1 veggie option before hand, and I even changed it to two when we were there.  No issues.    

Post # 165
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Kslim13 :  Did you also know that animal protein has been linked to faster de-mylenation in people with MS? Do you think people with MS want to announce to their food servers that they have MS so that judgy-mcjudgersons can cast aside their pre-conceived notions for this one individual who unfortunately isn’t vegan because of a life choice?? Fun fact.

So yea, you’re correct, not an “allergy” per se, but also not just a “life choice” for everyone, and frankly, who gives a flying you-know-what about why someone chooses to live the way they do. No one is forcing you to eat vegan.

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