(Closed) Bridesmaid bailed on wedding due to no vegetarian option???

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 166
Member
2855 posts
Sugar bee

Did you tell her the issue with having to order 50 meals in order to include a vegetarian option? That’s a ridiculous policy imo, but obviously not something you can control, and honestly she can’t expect you to spend $1000 on one dinner.

I was a vegetarian for 10 years, before dietary restrictions and food allergies were all the rage, and almost EVERY meal I had at special occasions and family dinners for TEN YEARS was a combination of sides (unless i remembered to bring myself a veggie burger or something). If that’s honestly her only issue and she knows about the $1000 thing than she’s being kind of a brat. 

Post # 167
Member
575 posts
Busy bee

Idk I’ve been vegetarian for about 17 years and I’m pretty used to just eating “sides” at events , I don’t even care that much 🤷🏻‍♀️

Post # 168
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

 

beethree :  “So, you think someone who has been living as a vegetarian for who knows how long should have to slowly transition to being an omnivore, despite her reasons for becoming a vegetarian (health, moral) just to attend this already inconvenient and unnecessarily expensive and time-consuming wedding? Right…”

Of course we’re expected to change our whole life, move mountains, just because its a special day for that special friend. Weddings are not about the guest at all. It’s totally within reason to ask guests to bend over backwards for your wedding day. The real honor goes to the caterer/vendor, they don’t have to bend over backwards for your business… in fact the opposite. the couple just needs to bend over, hand over their money and let themselves gets fcked over – absolutely nothing can be done! It’s totally out of their control. Bridesmaid needs to shut up and pack a granola bar in her purse!

Post # 169
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Let me say this. Would it be okay for anyone to behave like this if they just didn’t like what’s on the menu at the wedding, IF they can’t put the label “vegetarian” or “vegan” on their diet? 

Hell nah. And expecting someone to spend $1k so they can eat what they prefer? Also no.

and that’s why vegans and vegetarians get so much negative reaction. Seems like their dietary choices should be more important than money, friendship, everything. Apparently it is (for them), but not for everyone else. I have so much respect for my sister-in-law now. We THINK she is vegetarian because we haven’t seen her eat meat in a long time, but also, she has NEVER said anything about it. We just noticed recently that she usually eats salad only at family events.

And we’ll be attending her wedding soon. I have NO IDEA what kind of food she will have at her wedding. And I don’t  care. I know I won’t die if I don’t eat what I wish for a few hours.

Post # 170
Member
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

melihbee :  I can’t tell if you’re being deliberately obtuse or if you really are this dense. It is not a matter of disliking meat for most vegetarians/vegans – it is a lifestyle choice made due to ethical, religious, or health reasons. You’re acting like these people are having a hissy fit because they don’t like the food being served – but it’s not about likes/dislikes. You can call it a preference until you’re red in the face but that won’t make it true, and all that does is reveal your own deranged prejudice. Would you feel the same way about this if the person was a Catholic who didn’t eat meat on Fridays due to their religion? Or a Jew who didn’t eat dairy and meat together in the same meal because they kept kosher?

I find it so odd that you respect your SIL for allegedly hiding her vegetarianism from you. What a bizarre reason to respect someone. Whenever I host an event that involves eating, I always ask my guests in advance if they have any dietary restrictions because I want to accommodate them and make them feel as comfortable as possible. I’d find it so weird if someone decided to be a martyr and hide the fact that they didn’t eat meat, rather than just tell me! That would inspire concern rather than respect.

Post # 171
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

tiffanybruiser :  we ask too. We know who doesn’t eat red meat, etc. she just never said anything. She might be on a diet, or a vegetarian, we don’t really know. And yes, I respect her for attending family events without complaining and demanding what she wants.

now I’m thinking she can’t be a vegetarian. Looks like that’s not possible without rubbing it in everyone’s face

Post # 172
Member
6005 posts
Bee Keeper

melihbee :  Vegetarians and vegans don’t get any negative reaction at all in my circles (I’m a meat eater btw), but then we’re not shitty negative people and we’re not piss-poor hosts who don’t give a damn about the comfort and enjoyment of our guests. But sounds like you’re well used to shitty hosting since your SIL only eats salad at any family function and y’all haven’t thought to make a dish or two she might like. Apparently you have mad respect for her doing without in silence and not ‘bothering’ anyone, but I guess the poor girl’s learned it’s not the kind of family who would take any kind of initiative at thoughtfulness toward her. 

malayna :  This response is just too bewildering to unpack. 

Post # 173
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

tiffanybruiser :  a martyr? Really? For eating salad for dinner? Good Lord.

Post # 175
Member
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

melihbee :  lol… so you ask people about dietary restrictions, but then “respect” them when they don’t tell you? Ok girl – you do you. 

Post # 176
Member
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

melihbee :  Thanks for the screenshot! Like so many words in our wonderful language, “martyr” has several meanings that have evolved over the years. This is the one I was referring to: victim; especially a great or constant sufferer

And yeah someone who is asked about dietary restrictions but chooses to conceal that information and suffer in silence would certainly qualify as a martyr under that definition. I wouldn’t respect them for it; I’d be really concerned why they felt the need to do that. But if they had a family member like you to contend with, I could more easily understand.

 

Post # 177
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

tiffanybruiser :  lol. Okay I’m done with this thread, I’m not used to this level of drama over food. 

Post # 178
Member
347 posts
Helper bee

It’s complete BS that a caterer would insist they’d have to prepare 50 meat meals AND 50 vegetarian meals when the total guest count is 50 people.

Post # 179
Member
7906 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

melihbee :  I’m not used to drama over food either. Gracious hosts accommodate their guests’ dietary restrictions – end of story – no drama needed.

Post # 180
Member
6005 posts
Bee Keeper

melihbee :  “read my previous comment please” 

lol so you’re not even willing to put yourself out on an internet thread enough to give me a comment all my own, I just have to go peep out a comment you posted for someone else? Ah well, if you expect two different Bees to share the same second-rate screen shot, I can see why your SIL probably eats before your family functions. 

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