(Closed) Bridesmaid bailed on wedding due to no vegetarian option???

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
331 posts
Helper bee

I’m with PPs. I’m vegan, and I usually don’t expect food that will work for me at weddings, at least not at buffets. But if I were a bridesmaid, at a seated dinner, and a DW? I’d be pissed if the bride didn’t care enough about me to make sure I could eat at her wedding. I presume y’all are good enough friends that you should have known or did know that she was vegetarian, a long time ago? You should have figured something out for her. That’s a long day for a bm to have to wait until after the wedding to eat room service.

 

Talk to your venue. They can probably help.

Post # 17
Member
4394 posts
Honey bee

I promise you – she’s not mad you are having a destination wedding.  She’s mad the person she thought was her friend turned out to be an ill-mannered thoughtless host.  It sucks to find out your friend doesn’t care about you.

Post # 18
Member
13539 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d be pissed too, and I think you made it worse by telling her you’d pay for her to eat by herself after.  She’s right, she’s paying thousands of dollars to support you and you weren’t considerate enough to make sure she’d have actual FOOD to eat.  Potatoes and sides do not make a meal, especially when you’ll watch everyone around you enjoying a full meal.

Talk to your venue – they almost always can accomodate a vegetarian without charging you a fortune.  My venue was able to cater to a guest with Celiacs, someone with severe pine nut allergies, and a dairy allergy with no additional charges.

I doubt she’s mad about the cost and time off like you suggest.  She’s mad that one of her closest friends was so inconsiderate of her dietary restrictions that you’d rather she eat alone in her room than pay a few extra dollars for her to eat with the wedding guests like every other person who paid thousands of dollars to attend your wedding.

Time for a reality check, OP.  You 100% created this crappy situation, your inconsiderate responses to her made it worse.  Apologize to her and HOPE she’ll forgive how rude you were.

Post # 20
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2018 - Beautiful Barn

Wow – is this for real?!

Think of it this way – turn it round and be the bridesmaid in this situation – would YOU be happy with being treated like that? I’m sure the caterers would be able to do something for one person, especially considering she is supposed to be one of the closest people to you.

 

Really hope this isn’t actually real!

Post # 21
Member
3011 posts
Sugar bee

According to the OP:

Post # 22
Member
6347 posts
Bee Keeper

It’s difficult to imagine that any bride could be so self-centered as to expect her good friend to use precious vacation days, purchase plane tickets, host events, buy a dress, etc. and then not be willing to serve this person a meal they could eat at the event. #teambridesmaid

Post # 23
Member
9672 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Let me just say, this may be the reason she’s giving you but I highly doubt it’s the ONLY reason she’s jumped to not coming and is upset.

Post # 24
Member
5226 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

There’s no way you can’t understand why she’s upset.

Post # 25
Member
473 posts
Helper bee

On the minimal chance this is actually real: You screwed up. 

Post # 26
Member
1575 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think this is legit. But if it is, I wouldn’t go to your wedding either

Post # 27
Member
1830 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

As a vegan who sometimes ends up eating only salad at catered events, let me say that it is NOT filling. Imagine yourself eating a veggie-only salad and being full and satisfied for hours of drinking and dancing, after standing up, walking down an aisle, getting ready, etc. If you eat meat and that doesn’t sound fulfilling to you, why should it be for us?? Weddings, especially as a bridesmaid, take a lot out of you. Salad is just not filling. 

I’ve never heard of a caterer or venue that isn’t willing to prepare singular veggie meals (or other dietary needs) for specific guests who need them. It should not be an extra cost. 

Post # 28
Member
9026 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Lavender28 :  If you eat meat and that doesn’t sound fulfilling to you, why should it be for us?? – this a hundred times this.

OP I’m vegetarian and I would decline as well. I would probably send you a wedding gift of something like a five year membership to PETA or the like……so they can bombard you every month with mailouts as they are known to annoyingly do.

Post # 29
Member
146 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

j_jaye :  Iactually laughed out loud at your PETA comment! That would be the most appropriate wedding gift. Either that or a little bag of potatoes

OP, I assume if you’re close enough to have her as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you’re close enough to know she’s vegetarian. That should not be a surprise. When hosting a party you are expected to provide for all guests. Again, not a surprise.

Id probably hang up on you too.

Post # 30
Member
2924 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

vegetarianthrowaway :  Have you actually read your post?  Maybe she’s upset at your piss poor attitude.  I’m mad after reading your post!  This bridesmaid is, I’m assuming, one of your closest friends otherwise you would not have asked her to be a bridesmaid, and for you to just throw away her concerns (which are 100% legit) is really offputting.

Find the money for a real meal for her.  If you’ve got the money to pay for room service (which is rude to ask her to eat alone later) then you can figure it out.  But the damage may already be done with your attitude.

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