(Closed) Bridesmaid bailed on wedding due to no vegetarian option???

posted 1 year ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m both a vegetarian and an embarrassingly picky eater, and when I was a bridesmaid (at a local wedding, even) for my friend, she volunteered to tell the caterer I had some ridiculous allergies so I could have mac & cheese instead of the standard vegetarian option. We didn’t do it, because I’m trying to eat more like a grownup, but that just shows how an actual friend tries to accommodate people they care about. 

And she’s allergic to walnuts, so for my own wedding I had the caterer replace the walnuts in the salad with sunflower seeds so she can eat it. 

Post # 47
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I think the biggest thing here is that she is a bridesmaid, meaning she is one of your dearest friends. So if she is, why wasn’t there an option for her? My best friend/maid of honor is Muslim and does not eat pork. I can’t imagine how she would feel if I asked her to use her vacation time, spend thousands of dollars, and fly to another country for ME and the only food I planned were ribs and porkchops. Come on OP, you know you’re wrong on this one.

Post # 48
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

Two of the girls I plan to ask to be my bridesmaids are vegetarians, so every venue I visit I plan on making sure there will be vegetarian meals available. 

If you include someone in your wedding party knowing they are a vegetarian or require a special diet, it really is your responsibility to make sure you have something for them to eat, even if it’s just a single meal for them.

Post # 49
Member
372 posts
Helper bee

You can’t afford to feed your guest but expect them to shell out thousands of dollars for your special day, and humiliate her during dinner when everyone is eating she’ll just be staring at an empty plate and wait until after wedding to order room service according to you. Wow.

 

[comment edited for violation of TOS]

Post # 50
Member
1644 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Oh man I am so sorry for your poor friend. Not only did she lose a friend but she lost money and was told to ‘go eat in your room’ after the wedding. Poor thing. 

Post # 51
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

I guess we don’t agree here. To me traveling would not be a burden and sacrifice, but an opportunity to have fun. 

I will be attending my sister-in-law’s wedding soon and honestly I have no idea what kind of food will be there. That’s not why I’m going.

I still think the food is not the only reason she doesn’t want to go. It would have been nice to provide a vegetarian option for her, but you are all going to a foreign country, the caterer might not be as flexible as we are used to it here. 

Post # 52
Member
6145 posts
Bee Keeper

melihbee :  I guess we don’t agree here. To me traveling would not be a burden and sacrifice, but an opportunity to have fun. 

You must have unlimited funds and unlimited vacation time. Not everyone has a great deal of vacation time or wants to spend thousands of dollars attending an event for someone who can’t even be bothered to make sure they get dinner.

I will be attending my sister-in-law’s wedding soon and honestly I have no idea what kind of food will be there. That’s not why I’m going.

But you do expect they will indeed be feeding you something you can eat, especially if they are serving alcohol?

I still think the food is not the only reason she doesn’t want to go. It would have been nice to provide a vegetarian option for her, but you are all going to a foreign country, the caterer might not be as flexible as we are used to it here. 

If this person is close enough to you to be a bridesmaid you make sure to hire a caterer who can accommodate what you need. That’s what a good host does. No ifs and or buts. It’s hard to imagine you are defending this unless you have done something similar. 

Post # 53
Member
6005 posts
Bee Keeper

vegetarianthrowaway :  Being a good host has nothing to do with money, it has to do with class. There are some very humble people in this world who are gracious hosts within their means and there are people with money who are pretty piss-poor hosts. If you’re being a piss-poor host, then complaining that you can’t throw more money at your event isn’t the problem or the solution. It’s the lack of class in the way you’ve treated your friend. You offered her a handful of sub-par, insulting just make do options without any self-awareness of your own awfulness. If you want to fix this, you need to act classier, plain and simple. And that would start with a sincere apology to your friend, if she even wants your friendship after seeing your true colours. 

Post # 54
Member
2988 posts
Sugar bee

melihbee :  “I will be attending my sister-in-law’s wedding soon and honestly I have no idea what kind of food will be there. That’s not why I’m going.

I still think the food is not the only reason she doesn’t want to go. It would have been nice to provide a vegetarian option for her, but you are all going to a foreign country, the caterer might not be as flexible as we are used to it here.”

Good for you, that you’re not interested in eating, when others around you are enjoying their meal. And no, it’s not a matter of “it would have been nice to provide a vegetarian option”; it simply is the most basic of all hosting duties, not to mention manners. And, for your information, countries/cities where destination weddings are usually held are very much sophisticated when it comes to wedding events at their venues. 

Post # 55
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

Man, reading these rude comments… whoever planned a wedding knows how stressful and expensive it can be. 

Now adding to that stress as a friend saying I’m not going BECAUSE THE FOOD IS NOT UP TO MY STANDARDS? 

I think it would be selfish putting my diet first. Like I said if my best friend was raw vegan and refused to have any meat or cooked food at her wedding (meaning I would only be able to nibble on salad) I would still go. 

Post # 56
Member
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

melihbee :  I am guessing you have never been to an event where you couldn’t eat. Not there was food you didnt like, food you could not eat without becoming incredibly ill. 

Not only are you hungry (or hangry if you are like me) but it also makes you feel pretty shitty to know that the people hosting don’t respect or care about you enough to consider your needs.

 

Edit: Melhibee, I think you are confusing a food preference from a food restriction. Many vegetarians can no more eat meat or food prepared around meat than a celiac can eat gluton or food prepared with gluton. It isn’t the same thing as just disliking a certain food. 

You are totally off base here OP and I don’t blame your bridesmaid at all for not wanting to come, or offering to have her sit at the table and not eat anything then shuffle her off to her room to eat all by herself. Bad form

Post # 57
Member
13 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2019

melihbee :  

I agree with you. There’s a lot of over dramatized comments on this thread. 

I just attended a very small and intimate wedding where the reception was held at a steakhouse. The bride’s sister (who flew from hawaii to Florida for this wedding) is a vegetarian. Did she complain? No. She ordered veggies, and called it a day. 

I believe OP’s bridesmaid may have been pissed off about many other things during the planning process and this may have been the last straw. I am sure there’s much more to the story that we don’t know about but at the end of the day people do what they want to do. If her bridesmaid REALLY wanted to attend the wedding she’d attend with no complaints. However, she probably doesn’t want to spend the money and is using this as an excuse. 

Post # 58
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

This is so dumb, my comment was deleted because I called out OP on not posting a genuine story. No one “one posts and leaves”, it’s clearly a fake story! 

Post # 59
Member
380 posts
Helper bee

As a  vegetarian, I can say, that as a guest I’d be totally fine just eating some sides. Like that’s just something that happens.

As a bridesmaid though, I’d  be a bit hurt. 

My friend has changed around her bday dinner just so I could have a veggie option. I didn’t ask her to, she just did.  I never ask people to accommodate me, but it means a lot when they do. 

You’re cater sounds like they have a veggie option. Did you even see if you could order 1 plate of it or a smaller amount? 

Did you ask the venue if they can make an exception?

You’re friend might just need some time to relax and reconsider. 

 

Post # 60
Hostess
7894 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2019

Oh. I needed a laugh today. Thanks OP

The topic ‘Bridesmaid bailed on wedding due to no vegetarian option???’ is closed to new replies.

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