Post # 60
wealtheow : OP said her bridesmaid would be able to eat some of the sides. Plus she would buy her dinner. That’s not nothing. And I’m assuming the whole event won’t go on for hours and hours with no opportunity for her to eat.
A wedding is about the couple getting married, and not about the food.
As I previously said.. I think she doesn’t wanna go. Period. For whatever reason, but the food can’t be the only one.
Post # 61
You’e right – I don’t think this is just about the food. It’s also about the complete disrespect and lack of regard you have for your so-called friend.
How can you expect someone to pay so much to participate in your wedding and then not have the basic decency to feed them alongside the other guests??
Post # 63
melihbee : yeah and friendship is about respect. not about being cheap and expecting your friends to throw money to subsidize a party.
Post # 64
All restaurants, even in hotels, accommodate to dietary restrictions. You need to make arrangements for her. Telling her to eat after the wedding is beyond rude and you’re being a terrible host and friend. They can even arrange to bring her a plate from their restaurant so you don’t have to change your whole menu.
By the way, who the heck does BBQ in mexico?
Post # 65
Offering to pay for room service suggests to me that the bride knows full well that the sides aren’t going to be a sufficient meal. Plus they might be cooked on the same grill /with the same tools as meat products.
Sending the Bridesmaid to her room to eat is what you do with a 6 year old who can’t stop pestering their sister, not a close friend who is supporting your marriage emotionally and financially.
Post # 66
You sound like a real charmer 😂
[comment edited by moderator for violation of TOS]
Post # 67
I have to skip meals all the time due to severe food allergies. So to me I would have expected to bring my own then again I’d likely skip a destination wedding with only food that could kill me. I see her point meat isn’t an option for her.
I do however think that having a vegetarian option is standard and most venues will accomodate. I’m sure they can make her a special veggie burger with nice sides it can’t cost that much extra and it’s worth it. I can’t tell you how much it means to me when someone makes sure there’s food I can eat. I remember for a long time.
I also remember events that I was super uncomfortable at too. It really sucks having to explain why you’re sitting at a table with everyone eating and you can’t. It taked over the talk of the table with the wht? Etc. Like REALLY sucks. You feel like an outsider. Do you really want your best friend to feel that way?
Post # 68
You knew going in that she was a vegetarian. You should be providing her a full meal at your wedding for the same reason that you are providing full meals to your other guests – to thank her for being there for you, and because you are a good host. It’s inconsiderate to not provide her a full meal along with everyone else. You also wouldn’t have issues with changing your menu if you had made sure she was provided for from the beginning.
I don’t think it’s JUST about the food. I think it’s also that fact that she agreed to do some much for you, spend so much money for you, take time off for you, and you act so inconsiderately towards her. I wouldn’t want to attend if I were in her place, either.
Post # 69
malayna : please read the original post again. She says she can’t afford it, she is not being cheap.
And that the bridesmaid has been bitter about having to spend money at all. She also hung up on her when the bride offered to figure out something for her.
I still think the day is about the bride and the groom, not about her friend. My wedding was a destination wedding, but only the two of us were there, because the arguing started basically from the minute we got engaged, about MY wedding. And I was right, we had so much fun, and no complaining.
Post # 70
I think if the attitude is this is MY WEDDING, everyone else be damned, then it’s a good idea to elope.
“And I’m assuming the whole event won’t go on for hours and hours with no opportunity for her to eat. “
Yes, it probably will. My typical, non-destination wedding will probably go on for about 6 hours or more. Especially given this is a destination wedding, I am assuing it goes on all evening and into the night.
Post # 71
It’s “would have” not “would of”.
With “friends” like you, who needs enemies?
Post # 72
Totally agree about having a Destination Wedding, and not providing all guests with an adequate meal. I’m a vegetarian and if I was spending thousands of dollars to attend your BBQ wedding, I wouldn’t be too happy eating sides. You’re totally in the wrong
Post # 73
I’d be pissed too if all you were offering me for dinner was a side of Montezuma’s Revenge.
Post # 74
Agreeing with everyone – if I were in the bridesmaids position, I would not only be not attending but I would no longer be friends with the bride. This is beyond rude and disrespectful!
OP, most if not all venues have a vegetarian option. We did not need to include that as one of our two meals, we got two meals to choose from plus a vegetarian option was ALWAYS available.
Did you even call to ask the venue what they can do? Better yet, are you even real? Not coming back to respond sure makes you seem like a troll… and if you are not a troll, you’re a horrible friend.
Post # 75
I understand you don’t want to pay extra to offer this choice, but I have never heard of a caterer charging extra for ONE vegetarian meal. This is a reasonable request and I think this was a miscommunication between you and the caterer. You need 1 vegetarian meal not a vegetarian option for all the guest. You need to apologize to your bridesmaid for your mistake once you have confirmed with the caterer. Offering to pay for her room service after the wedding is insulting. Please spend the entire day with me and pay thousands of dollars in the lead up to this day, but here is some sides? The caterer may have a way to make the sides into a main with a few additional ingredients, but you can’t expect her to get by with a cup of potato salad and a side salad all day. You are going to have one hangry maid on your hands if she doesn’t pass out from hunger.