(Closed) Bridesmaid bought dress I don't like and insists she will wear it at wedding

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
10221 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
coralmermaid :  

I’d think hard to myself  how much I cared and  what the consequences would be. Then  when I;d decided, I would let it go,  OR  I’d do the ‘attend as a guest’ thing.

Once  decided and acted on I would not talk about it anymore and I’d do my level best not to think about it any more either .

People can be such PITA’s , you didn’t ask much !  

Post # 3
Member
2853 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2018

Why do I feel like I have read this post before? 🤔

Post # 4
Member
3821 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

‘You don’t get to pick my dress’ lol you’re the bride, of course you do! I would be firm and say ‘I’m sorry but that dress doesn’t match the fabric criteria I gave so it can’t be your bridesmaid dress. If cost is an issue I can help you with a dress that fits all the criteria, but this one does not.’ If she won’t budge and you’re sure you’d rather she not be a a Bridesmaid or Best Man in that dress then tell her she can wear the dress but it will be as a guest. 

Post # 5
Member
1359 posts
Bumble bee

Is this a hill to die on for you? Do you want to jeopardize a frienship over a dress that doesn’t 100% fit your vision (even though you admit it is pretty darn close)? 

If you want this to be a hill to die on, tell her that you set the parameters and you’d prefer if she wore something that fit within those parameters; if she doesn’t want to do that, she can attend as a guest. If this isn’t a hill to die on, embrace the fact that your Bridesmaid or Best Man wants to stand up next to you and feel beautiful while doing it. 

Post # 6
Member
570 posts
Busy bee

What about all the advice from the first thread about this?

Post # 7
Member
1127 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s really unfair when people act like your saying “attend as a guest” is a result of your stubbornness.  Your Bridesmaid or Best Man is the one who made her sundress a “hill to die on”.  Pulling that kind of crap at somebody else’s wedding IMO is the epitome of selfish and childish.  I’d offer to buy a new dress and if that didn’t work I’d ask her to sit out.  I don’t think I’d be spending a lot of time with her afterwards anyway.  That’s not a friend.  I’d wear a burlap sack to my friend’s wedding if she asked me to.

Post # 8
Member
13715 posts
Honey Beekeeper

I would let it go. The person is more important than the stupid dress. It’s the right color, length and price. Nobody, but nobody except you will care. 

 

Post # 11
Member
463 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

I am a plus size person, and I find chiffon to be either very flattering or very unflattering -depending on the cut, shape, color, etc. Same goes with lace. I’ve had gorgeous looking lace dresses that just make me look way fatter than I am. So I can understand why she would refuse to wear a chiffon/lace dress if it was completely unflattering to her -my wedding dress actually had some chiffon on it and it did gave out a “pregnant look” xD because of the cut (I still loved it, though)

My advice would be to have a heart to heart talk with her. Ask her if she is feeling body conscious, and maybe offer to go see other chiffon dresses -insisting that you should both give it a try to see if you can find a better dress that makes her feel pretty and matches your criteria. Ask her to please show you her new dress with her on it, so you can actually have a comparison idea.

Overall, I am against the whole “bridesmaid should wear what the bride’s choose” thing. I don’t get where it comes from and what’s the point -besides aesthethics. 

Post # 12
Member
828 posts
Busy bee

When the bride isn’t paying for the dresses things can be more complicated.

I don’t envy you in this sitch but have no real advice since I’ve not experienced this before. 

The only way to combat this is for you to buy the dresses. No ifs, no buts, that’s the dress I’d like you to wear. 

Post # 13
Member
976 posts
Busy bee

There’s nothing left to say. I’m not sure what you want to hear. You either are bold, tell her if she doesn’t want to wear the first dress, then she’s not a Bridesmaid or Best Man anymore; or let her wear the second dress and stop stressing about it and keep the peace. We can’t make a decision for you. You have to make a decision and you have to live with the consequences. 

Post # 14
Member
10221 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

View original reply
coralmermaid :  

 No need to make a new thread about a problem that’s simply ongoing  . I think perhaps it is symptomatic of your not accepting / realising that there always were only  two choices. Let it go  or tell her she’s out . There isn’t anything  else to be said  really,  as  pp points out.

Post # 15
Member
22 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Instead of trying to work with me to figure out a solution she told me she was wearing it and that I just need to let go and that I don’t get to pick her dress.

What is the dynamic between you and this friend? Does she have a history of being pushy to get her away and you back down? If so, maybe she’s expecting to be able to stream roll you again.

If this is the first time you have had conflict of this sort, gently remind her it’s your wedding day and you have final say over what the Bridal party wears.

She has been very bold. You are the Bride — of course you get to pick or veto her dress! Communicate that she can choose to continue being a bridesmaid (which means wearing what you approve) or step away from that role. You need cooperation and support from those who will be standing up from you at your wedding, not friction. She should respect that and if she doesn’t, she’s not being a true friend by making wedding planning even more stressful that it already is.

Do due diligence by speaking individually to each of your girls. Explain you’ve given a lot of flexibility in regards to the dresses and you’re hurt that you friend is not respecting your wishes. Don’t let the disgruntled friend poison the well by sharing a biased version of events while you remain tight lipped.

Good luck OP! Honestly, I would be very hurt if I was in your shoes. I picked out two dresses for my bridesmaids to wear. 1 is out of the country so she decided to work with a tailor in her local area — I’m a little worried about wheather the final dress will match the shade of blue the other dresses will be, but I trust her to get it as close as she can manage. I can’t imagine any of my BMs just picking a random dress they liked better and telling me they’re wearing it no matter what.. It sounds like she has no respect for you and I would reconsider whether I wanted someone who has done what your friend has as a bridesmaid. Maybe that’s petty to some, but I would never do that to a friend getting married — it’s her wedding!

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