(Closed) Bridesmaid bringing a random plus one. What do I do?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
2701 posts
Sugar bee

I understand your sitauation and I do see your side, but if you allowed your friend/BM to bring a guest, it is not nice to dictate who they can/can’t bring. Her friend Erica is an adult and I am sure she understands she will be alone the majority of the night. Maybe she is very social and won’t mind. I would ask your friend is she’s sure that her daughter can’t come because you really enjoy her so much. If she still declines, I don’t think there is much you can do, I’m sorry.

Post # 4
Member
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

I think your feelings are justified!

I tried to put myself in your shoes and your BMs’.

I’d say that your Bridesmaid or Best Man is allowed to bring a plus one and she should be well aware of her duties…..probably the worst person I feel for is the plus one , since she is going to a wedding not knowing anyone ( unless its a small town/ or mutal friendship deal)

Post # 4
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Just let it go.  The plus one was already in the budget.  There will be other plus ones that don’t know anyone and Erica will know what she is getting herself into.  If she wants to attend a wedding where she doesn’t know anyone, then so be it.  

Post # 5
Member
2442 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Just let it go.  It doesn’t affect your budget or seating.  If Erica wants to go to a wedding where she doesn’t know anyone, so be it!  

Post # 6
Member
2584 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Honestly, if I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I wouldn’t do that to a friend- she’ll be getting ready, in pictures, at the head table, etc. and will hardly see Erica anyway.

That said, I think you should let it go. If Erica wants to come anyway, that’s her choice, and you did allow a guest.

Post # 8
Member
7366 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

Its weird, but it isn’t like you would have to pay for an EXTRA person, so I would let it go.  Why this Erica would want to go to a wedding where she knows no one…. I have no idea.

Post # 9
Member
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It wouldn’t matter to me, because like others have stated, it’s not going to add to the budget.  Erica may be left alone for the majority of the night, but that’s something she will have to deal with.  Surely she knows that your friend is a bridesmaid and that she really won’t know anyone else there.

Post # 10
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

did you address the invitation to “Friend and Husband” or “Friend and Guest”?  If you addressed to guest, then yes, she unfortunately can bring her, but if you specifically invited her husband, there’s no substitutions.  This isn’t an enchilada combo plate.  It’s a wedding.

Post # 11
Member
375 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I totally see where you are coming from – one of my BMs is perpetually single and I invited her with a plus one pretty much out of courtesy. She RSVPed that 2 will be coming “if I can find a date :)”. One the one hand, as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, if anyone gets a plus one, it’s her. On the other, she will know a ton of people there, she will be busy over the course of the day and evening (her date will have to come alone and meet her, we’re all getting ready together), and frankly, I didn’t expect her to bring a date so I didn’t really budget for it.

I really see her “date” being, at best, beyond bored, or at worst, getting totally wasted on a stranger’s dime. It doesn’t help that we are actually hoping for a lot of our INVITED guests to RSVP no – we can’t afford everyone to come (irresponsible, I know, but FIs family was absolutely insistent that a lot of people definitely wouldn’t come, but they NEEDED to be invited to avoid hurt feelings. Hence, we invited way more than we can reasonably accommodate.)

It’s frustrating, and I wish I could explain to her that she doesn’t HAVE to find a random person to come with her and it might be awkward, but c’est la vie. She’s a good enough friend where I’ll eat the cost of her random and not mention it again.

Post # 12
Member
333 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@baliahi1029: You don’t need to explain to your Bridesmaid or Best Man she doesnt HAVE to find a random person.  You gave her a plus one and as brides we have no right to dictate who these plus ones are unless it’s someone with a bad past or something similar.  Also in your situation you gave her a plus one and now it’s too late to tell her no you can’t afford it.  If you couldn’t afford to pay for x amount of people then you never should have invited x amount of people.

 

To OP at this point I would let it go, she was going to bring someone anyway and it’s really up to her friend whether or not she’s going to be uncomfortable on her own.

Post # 13
Member
410 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I get where you are coming from. One of my BM’s is my oldest, and one of my dearest friends. I invited her, her husband and her son (a toddler) to the wedding. She is travelling from Colorado to be here, but her family is all local still. I also invited her parents, and one of her aunts and uncles because we all grew up on the same block and our families are all close.

Anywho, her husband cannot come. So she tells me she thought it would be cute/fun to bring her cousin (the daughter of her aunt/uncle that are invited) because we all grew up together, blah blah blah. I am in the situation, like a PP, where I am looking forward to some “No” replies because we are a little over our numbers, and she knows this

She did say, “if you get enough no’s can *cousin* come, I think it would be so fun…. yakity shmakity”. When my reply was less than enthusiastic though, she got a little defensive. We talked about it a couple of days later and she explained that since she will not really know a lot of my friends, because she has not lived here in a long time, it would be nice to have a partner in crime since her husband can’t come. Her parents will be leaving early with her son, so other than her aunt and uncle, who will be with all of my parents friends, she’ll be on her own.

I get it. And since she is one of my best friends, and a Bridesmaid or Best Man, I feel like if anyone is deserving of a plus one it should be her. It’s not like I will be able to hang with her all night. Sure she has Bridesmaid or Best Man duties, but really, for a chunk of the night she will also be on her own. So since I already budgeted for her husband, and because it is not worth ugly feelings, I said fine.

I will say this though, I was in her wedding a few years ago. It was in Denver. I knew no one. Except for her family. I did not bring a date. I survived.

This is my very long winded way of commiserating, and saying I get you, and that it probably is not worth it to say no.   🙂

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