Post # 1
Alright bees, my good friend is going to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. The bride has decided she wants to spend a wknd away for her bachelorette party. The girls want to go to shows and a spa while there, plus they’ll have to pay for the hotel, food, drinks, etc. — the costs are really adding up. My friend doesn’t think she can afford it, she just started a new job and is saving for an apartment. It’s looking like it’s going to cost around $600-700 to attend this Bach party when all is said and done.
She tried to tell the bride it was getting out of her price range, but the bride doesn’t really want to accept it. My friend feels bad, but is also spending tons of money to be in this wedding otherwise.
I told her she just needs to be honest with the bride and just say sorry but it’s not doable. Do you think that’s appropriate? Do you all have other suggestions?
Post # 2
- Wedding: April 2017 - City, State
She needs to tell the bride that she can’t afford the weekend she’s planning, and the bride should be a reasonable adult and understand that, and be thankful someone is even going out of their way to plan this for her because it is not required.
Post # 3
It’s not really up to the bride to “accept” it or not. She has no choice. If she can’t respect your friends situation and choice, she’s a POS friend. Your wedding is one day, and the extra events on the side are just that, extra.
This includes bachelorette parties, showers, afternoon teas, brunches, whatever.
My BM’s are all from out of state and I am lucky if 2 of them can come to our shower. The bride sounds like an ungrateful brat.
Post # 4
If she can’t afford it, she can’t afford it. In my opinion, a bachelorette party isn’t a requirement. It’s nice if people can afford to do it for the bride, but it’s not a requirement. She just needs to let the bride know that as much as she would love to be a part of it, she cannot. If the bride isn’t accepting of that, she isn’t a true friend anyways and your friend should cut her losses.
Post # 5
As PP mentioned, the bride will have to accept it. My bachelorette party was on Valentine’s day so only one bridesmaid came (I only had 3), the other’s were spending Valentine’s night with their guys. But they did all attend my Bachelorette brunch which was earlier that day. I wasn’t in denial at all about the fact that my other 2 bridesmaids were spending V-day night with their significant others, and my friends that did come and I had a blast regardless. It was what it was. Your friend and the bride will be fine.
Also, I think it’s quite ridiculous for brides to expect their friends to spend hundreds of dollars on one night, in addition to wedding costs. The wedding should only be a major financial endeavor for the bride and groom.
Post # 6
If the bride can’t accept it, she’s a shitty friend.
Post # 7
Sounds like a selfish bride.
Post # 8
Did your friend want the bride to change the plans of her bachelorette party? Or she’s just saying unfortunately she can’t go and the bride is unaccepting of this? Because it happens, things get expensive and not everyone can always attend all the parties. The bride should understand that, especially when it’s looking to be a really expensive weekend. Your friend should just say she wishes she could come but it’ll be too expensive and that she hopes the bride has fun. .
Post # 9
No member of a bridal party should feel compelled to participate in any wedding-related event aside from the wedding itself and, if at all possible, the wedding rehearsal.
The average individual or couple has limited funds as well as limited time off from work. Although this bride may want her maids to participate in her bachelorette party, she cannot realistically expect that these young women all have an extra $700-800 lying around with which they can easily part. That is a very unrealistic expectation. Moreover, she should not be trying to make her friends feel bad for not being able to meet her expectations.
Post # 10
Thank you all for your comments and advice.
she originally suggested a less expensive alternative, but is not asking the bride to change plans at this point. Just telling her it’s getting too pricey for her to afford.
Post # 11
I just don’t get why this is so hard for some people. Have they never in their life had to decline something before now?
“I’m sorry. I can’t afford to attend your bachelorette. I hope you have a balll! Let’s have lunch or drinks when you get back so you can tell me all about it.”
Post # 12
It’s too bad she can’t afford the party, but she can’t really expect the bride to change it just because of one person.
Post # 13
If she can’t afford it, she should skip it. Tell the bride and the Maid/Matron of Honor that it’s out of her price range and leave it at that.
Post # 14
She should just tell the bride she can’t attend, wish her well and be done with it. The wedding is the only mandatory event for the bridesmaid to attend.
Post # 15
I’m in a similiar situation-one of my oldest friends can’t really afford my bach party out of town. Granted, we’re not getting extravagent here… midwest town, discount on hotels, etc. But, regardless, this is what myself, my Maid/Matron of Honor and other bridesmaids want to do. I’m trying to help her afford it, but if she really cant then… that’s just the way it goes sometimes. I’m sure the bride just doesn’t want to hear complaints about cost… because she’s like paying for the wedding and stuff ya know.