Bridesmaid Challenge

posted 11 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I wouldn’t include her.   You are entitled to have whomever you want in your wedding party, and it appears that you don’t want her there.  Just have your sister and your friends.  Besides, if I was one of the other sisters, I would be insulted that one was included but the rest weren’t.  My brothers weren’t in our wedding party.  I just had friends, and my husband just had relatives. We picked the people that were important to us, not people we felt obligated to pick.

Post # 3
Member
6344 posts
Bee Keeper

My advice is to not ask anyone until about ten months before the wedding. Relationships change. I’ve read so many posts from brides who asked their bridesmaids a year and a half before their wedding and felt stuck with people they no longer got along with. 

Post # 4
Member
9544 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

Just ask the people closest to you that you want to be in your wedding party. Don’t ask people out of obligation. If your boyfriend wants his sister in the wedding he can ask her to be on his side.

Post # 5
Member
2917 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

graced :  Why do you think you need to include her? I wouldn’t even be considering this if I were you There’s no rule stating you have to include your fiances sister in the bridal party, especially if she isn’t going to be supportive of your marriage and just cause you stress throughout the process.

Post # 6
Member
1904 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2019

I would include her but wouldn’t worry about her comments, etc, just let them roll off your back. I have my fiance’s sister and yes, she is a pain, but she’s his (only) sister. I just deal with it. She also has no filter (one of her comments had me freaking out about invitations before I realized she was the only one with that opinion, everyone else loved them!), and it always all has to be about her.

I took her dress shopping, but I made my fiance talk to her the night before we went and he told her in no uncertain terms that only positive comments were welcome and if she couldn’t do that to just keep her mouth shut or not go. And if she couldn’t keep her comments to herself that she would no longer be involved in wedding related activities. She was actually very positive during the trip. Was I stuck in a dress that I hated and just wanted to get off of me because she was in my dressing room trying on bridesmaid dresses in the middle of my wedding dress appointment? Absolutely. But that is just her so I rolled my eyes and moved along. She has been a pain about other things as well, but I just don’t include her in as much wedding planning as I could. She gets butt-hurt about it, but I don’t let it bother me. I think she is starting to understand that if she gives a positive attitude she will be included. The more negative and critical she is, the more she stays out of. I pick my battles with her, but I’m not afraid to stand up for myself either. I also have a plan with my Maid/Matron of Honor to deal with her as well. If she becomes too overwhelming for me, my Maid/Matron of Honor steps in and diffuses the situation. 

Personally, I think its worth putting up with her. She will be my family soon and I couldn’t imagine excluding her from the wedding. I think that would just cause more drama. Plus, it gives me an opportunity to start to set boundaries and expectations of behavior before we are married. And we actually have been getting closer with this process, so that’s good, too! I would personally include your SO’s sister, I just think you are inviting more drama than its worth to not. Just have a plan on how to deal with her. 

Post # 8
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

Does your boyfriend want to include her?

Post # 10
Member
3595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

graced :  you have no obligation to include ANYONE, including FSILs. My husband has exactly 1 sister. She is my age, we get along just fine, but we’re not close friends. I didn’t ask her to be a bridesmaid, and i never gave it a second thought (and neither did she). Only ask people who you love and care for deeply (and who love and care for you) to be your bridesmaids – otherwise, you’re asking for drama. 

Post # 11
Member
3595 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

graced :  oh, and if your SO wants to include her in the wedding party – HE can. There is no reason why she can’t stand up on his side. 

Post # 12
Member
3093 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2021

I’m confused about why you are considering having her in your wedding party?

You’re not close with her, she isn’t supportive of the wedding, and there is no rule or even etiquette guideline that says you have to include your Future Sister-In-Law. You’re not including the other two either, so it’s not like this is a “do it in circles” thing. I just.. don’t get why this is even something you’re worried about..?

Just ask your sister and whatever friends you want and be done with it.

Post # 13
Member
3785 posts
Honey bee

If you have a good relationship with her I’d say to include her and just blow off any “too young” nonsense. I was 24 when i got married and I was definitely not too young. You may be young, but based on your writing you’re quite intelligent. So let it go in one ear and out the other. Being inclusive with family members is a good thing in weddings and it bodes well for the relationship long-term. Weddings where the bride is fixated on having only what wants, including btidesmaids….not so much. And I’ve seen a lot of weddings and marriages.

Post # 14
Member
2501 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

graced :  Why on earth would you have someone who is not supportive of your marriage stand up with you as a bridesmaid? This makes no sense whatsoever. Don’t include her in the bridal party and don’t feel guilty about it one bit. 

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