Post # 1
I was wondering how upset you would be if your bridesmaid changed for the reception into a different dress?
I am in my cousin’s wedding and the bridesmaid dresses have been a huge fiasco to say the least. Now I have been stuck with a dress that cost me $200 that feels awful. I am truly very, very uncomfortable in it and very self-concious. Part of me wonders how I will even make it through the ceremony. I have not brought my concerns up to her because she has the same dress herself (keeping in mind she is a size 2 and never has problems fitting into/feeling good in outfits) and she is very proud of the fact that she found a dress that the bridesmaids “can wear over and over again to any event!” Personally I am getting it drycleaned and throwing it on this board or ebay the Sunday after because I hate it so much.
If it were the look of the dress then there is no way that I would even consider changing. The dress in fact is very nice looking and if my body were not so oddly shaped compared to the shape of the dress I am sure it would be lovely. The problem is physical. I have a very large ribcage and it expands quite a bit when I breathe. The dress is strapless and has NO GIVE AT ALL. I cannot get it taken out/get a bigger size because it will fall down, but I also cannot breathe in it at all. I have tried it on many times and I end up practically having an anxiety attack because I cannot take deep breaths.
My cousin and I are not close at all, in fact we had not spoken in 2 years before the email I got asking me to be in the wedding party. I have no idea why i am even in it. But I am, so now I have to decide….do I ask her if I can change, or do I spend the reception in misery and not even say anything?
I feel horrible that it comes to this, but it really is that uncomfortable that I am already having major anxiety about wearing it and it is still 2 weeks away.
What should I do ladies????
Post # 3
yikes! under any other circumstances, i would probably not be okay with it. If they just didnt like it, tough! they’d have to suck it up. But if one of them came to be and said they couldn’t breathe, well i would definitely make an exception!
Post # 4
Is there any way at all to alter the dress so that it’s more comfortable? Like having removable straps added that you can put on after the photos? Or a nice bolero or something. I think if you really really can’t stand to wear it, after the ceremony and photos I say take it off and change into a pretty cocktail dress– something that still fits being a bridesmaid, or even in the same color. But first I would take it a really good seamstress and see if there are any other options. In the end, it’s important that you have fun too. If you’re miserable it will be a loooong night!
Post # 5
Can you take it to a seamstress and have her add an elastic gusset? This can be done invisibly, covering the elastic insert with the dress fabric.
You could also ask her to add straps or a halter that you could tuck in during the ceremony and bring up after. This would give you some extra supprt. The gusset will give you breathing room.
Post # 6
I wish that alterations could be an option. At this point I have already spent $100 on the original dress that ended up not working out for the whole party that was non-returnable…and now I have spent an additional $200 on this new dress. I also get laid off for the summer (I am a teacher aide) so starting next week I have no income until august and am living on what I saved up during the year. $50-$75 on alterations just isn’t going to happen right now.
Post # 7
Would you consider getting a temporary job to earn some extra money?
Despite the fact that some people can’t find permanent jobs, there are lots of temporary jobs available.
Post # 8
I would ask her but do so privately. Calmly explain that you are worried you’ll cause a scene with a panic attack due to your breathing issue and if she would mind if you could change after the pictures. Assure her that your dress is appropriate.
If I were the bride, I’d rather let you change than worry you’re going to pass out.
Post # 9
I guess I could get a temporary job…I guess it all boils down to the fact that I have no idea why I am in the wedding and we haven’t talked in 2 years or seen each other (outside of christmas gatherings) for 15 years. If it were a friend I would be much more willing to put the effort in. I just had no idea that saying yes to being in the wedding to make my family happy would end up making me miserable!
Post # 10
Honestly, I would just suck it up and deal with it.
If you thought it was so strange to be invited into the bridal party, you should have declined. I wouldn’t ever ask a bride if I could change as a bridesmaid, unless for some reason everyone was doing it.
I’m sorry it’s not comfortable, but it’s only a few hours – then you can sell it and move on.
Post # 11
i think you’re kind of just asking for drama if you don’t wear the dress the whole time. i’m not a confrontational person so i wouldn’t stop you if this was my wedding, but i would feel really hurt. there has to be some solution with alterations (is there anyone in your family you can ask for help from, since this is a family wedding?), or even just wear a cardigan or a during the reception pashmina. it sucks that this cousin was more considerate in finding a dress that worked for her maids, but you should have spoken up to her sooner if it didn’t work for you, or if you really didn’t want to be in her wedding you shouldn’t have agreed to be
Post # 12
@Scarlettblonde: If it’s her fault the original dress didn’t work out, she should have repaid you the $100 you spend on that. Maybe you could ask for that, and use it to get alterations? Or just say that since you paid an extra hundred, maybe she could pay for the alterations?
Post # 13
I was a bridesmaid in a wedding last fall, and halfway through the reception, one of the other maids changed out of her dress and into jeans and a t-shirt. I honestly thought it was kind of ridiculous. I agree with PPs. You either need to find a way to do some alterations, or you need to deal with it. The time to talk to the bride about it has long passed.
Post # 14
So I’m a just a bit confused on the fit of the dress…it sounds like it’s the right size because if you go up a size, it’s too big? Would a little bit of a diet/ extra working out in the next 2 weeks help it fit better?
Post # 15
@Lee_Ann: I totally agree. If one of my girls was uncomfortable and in pain – not cool! Let ’em change!
Post # 16
- Wedding: October 2011 - Tre Bella, Mesa, AZ
@thewheelsonthebus: I actually agree with this, as blunt as it may sound.