(Closed) Bridesmaid – complicated drama – vent o’ vents.

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Your friend sounds very odd and stalkerish!  If she can’t even exept your invitation gratefully I think she’s gonna cause lots of trouble.

But you can’t really demote her without being very rude and ruining what you have as a friendship.

I think you’re caving too much for appologizing for the way you asked her, basically admitted you did somehting wrong when there is nothing wrong in the way you asked!  I asked in a FB message and they were all very excited!

Very odd.

Post # 4
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow. Well, I read the whole post, and honestly it sounds like there may be only one person trying to make this friendship work, and that my dear, is Y.O.U.

I feel that all her passive agressive remarks, and hurtful actions are stemming from jealousy. You’re moving on, she’s still in love with you, and she can’t accept being just a friend (and a long distance one at that).

I feel the same as you. I work third shift four nights a week, trying to plan a wedding, and my Fiance and I both have massive families and usually have at the very LEAST one or more obligations on the weekends. It’s hard to work time in for your friends. That sounds terrible, but sometimes a text, a phonecall, a facebook message is all we have time for. But that’s where true friends will understand. They have lives as well, they don’t expect anything more than loyalty, trust and respect (and I feel the same). She is giving you none of these things.

I believe your current course of action is the right one. Why should salvaging and sacrificing on your part to save this friendship even matter to you when it obviously doesn’t to her. You shouldn’t have to take this kind of thing from a “friend”.

Post # 6
Member
163 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Some friends are more difficult than others, and you need to remind yourself why this person is a good friend in the first place.

However, I can feel your frustration in having a friend that is so needy and always ready to take offense if you haven’t given her the attention she feels she deserves. As you have so much on your plate now, I think you must re-evaluate your priorities and cut your losses. There might be potentially better friends that you should find the time for, instead of always trying to fit her in (and then feeling guilty when everything you do is not enough).

I don’t have bridesmaids but I know that I wouldn’t want one who’ll spend the entire wedding day complaining that you’re not giving her enough attention;-)

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
5106 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Cornflakegirl: I have a hard time accepting the “rude to demote” idea as well. I mean, in turn is it not completely gone far beyond rude that she hasn’t responded or even acted the least bit excited to be there for you on your most special of days??

I have to say that I actually did demote my Maid/Matron of Honor. We have been friends for years, and we have been through A LOT.  But as of late drama wouldn’t even begin to describe what she’s been putting me, her family, and other best friend through. Needless to say, I was more invested in the friendship (at this point it was no longer about the wedding), than she even thought about being. We sat down, one on one, and had a serious talk. We came to an agreement on a demotion and suprisingly, she was for it. Anywho, all I’m saying is that’s what we needed to do to salvage and work on our friendship. The wedding was one more stressor we didn’t need.

Hope any of this rambling helps somewhat!! lol

Happy wedding to you, I hope it all works out!

Post # 8
Member
4771 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Cornflakegirl:

I thought she had accepted, with an OK, a weak acceptance but I took that to be an acceptance none the less.

I think you should tell her how you feel becasue keeping bottled up isn’t going to be good and wll probably blow up eventually.

I think you need to think long and hard whether this friendship is really working as well and if you are prepared to give it up.

Post # 10
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I think she will make trouble at the wedding for you.  She will see it as time you should set aside for her as she made the huge trip out there for you.  She will not be happy anymore at the wedding then she was at the engagement party.  It’s a shame but sometimes we’re not ment to be friends with people our whole lives.  it’s wonderful if it works out. 

I wouldn’t keep contacting her. 

 

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