Post # 1
My oldest friend and I have not been close in about 4 years, but were very close for 20 years. I was in her wedding (about 4 years ago) and she is a huge part of my history, but she has only met my fiance once (we’ve been together 3 years) and we are really only in touch when I make an effort while I am home (I see her briefly once or twice a year, and outside of the occassional facebooking we don’t stay in touch). I am really torn about the bridesmaid situation because I can absolutely include her from a numbers standpoint (my fiance is having more groomsmen than I am having bridesmaids because he has 3 brothers to include), but I don’t feel connected to her and don’t feel she is connected to our relationship.
On the one hand I feel like, what’s it going to hurt? I care about her a lot and value our history and her in my life a lot. But on the other hand it is including someone in this important experience who I feel disconnected from. I really am not sure how hurt (or not hurt) she would be by this… If I don’t include her I’m considering writing her an email (we never talk on the phone) explaining our wedding party was a difficult decision and ultimately we limited to people we felt close to as a couple (everyone else in the wedding party is people who we both know well) .
Post # 3
i wouldn’t. i just think you will want a close circle around you that you couldn’t imagine not having there, you know? but i feel you on the “what could it hurt?” standpoint.
Post # 4
I included a friend in a similar situation. We’d been friends for 20+ years, but haven’t been close for many, despite being very close before that. I thought I would miss her if she wasn’t a part of my wedding. It didn’t feel right to not include her. But she’s been uninterested in the wedding and chose to skip my shower and it hurt my feelings more than I thought it would. I would say don’t include her and just enjoy seeing her at your wedding.
Post # 5
I have an old friend from High School that I was inseparable from. However, she moved away for six years of college and in that time we have only spoken on the phone around our birthdays and holidays. We never see each other anymore either. I kept going back and forth about whether or not to invite her and in the end I decided against it. My reasons might be different from yours. She chose not to show up to our engagement party so that just made my decision right there… but beyond that, she eloped and chose not to have a wedding party so I didn’t have guilt there. You need to do what you feel is right. Do you think if you looked back ten years after you were married at your wedding pictures, would you ask yourself why you put her in there? Do you truely think you will stay in touch? You just have to ask yourself those questions!
Post # 6
I’m going through the same situation. I have decided to kind of use our e-party as like a test, as terrible as that sounds. I feel like if she makes the effort and shows like she said she would (she always flakes on stuff), then I’ll ask her out of respect for our friendship and our history. But I feel like if she flakes… then it’ll be enough to have her at the wedding, and I’ll be more then happy with the girls that I do have in my bridal party.
Post # 7
I think this is a really personal choice. My husband included his friend who he hadn’t talked to much in a couple of years (they had a fight and had mended things but not been as close), and they ended up hanging out way more and becoming close again. I think it’s hard to say without knowing you and your friend personally. I think the best thing to do is think hard about whether this will bring back your old relationship or not, and what you are looking for out of your wedding party before you make your choice.