(Closed) Bridesmaid declining to help with shower…?

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Is the date set in stone? That seems really early for a Sept wedding, normally showers are closer to the wedding date. Is there some reason why it has to be in June? Have you told everyone your wedding is two weeks after the shower? They might not even know.

If they can’t move the date for whatever reason, I would offer to take on a task that can be done easily like picking up favors. Then just explain that your wedding is two weeks later and that’s unfortunately all you can do to contribute at that time. Offer to do more if they change the date if it seems flexible.

Post # 4
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@moderndaisy: I agree that it seems like it should be at least AFTER your wedding!

Post # 5
Member
1927 posts
Buzzing bee

I think it’s fair that you wouldn’t be able to help with planning the shower since it’s so close to your own wedding, I can’t imagine any of the other bridesmaids would be upset if you said so.  But I really do think you need to help cover the financial costs.  That is typically an expected duty of a bridesmaid.  And just because you gave your bridesmaids a break in that department it doesn’t mean that it will work the same way for her wedding.  I do think they should have asked for a budget that all the maids were comfortable with before they made plans but it seems a little late for that.  If they are asking for a really high financial contribution I think it’s fair for you to respond and say something like “This event seems to be costing much more than I expected, and I can really only contribute $100” or whatever it is that you can put it.  Just don’t be too far off the mark from a money standpoint…

Post # 6
Member
4824 posts
Honey bee

Agree with PP.

I would would write an email stating basically what you told us.

Tell them you are excited to help out and are looking forward to be a part of everything. However, your wedding is two weeks later so time and money is really tight.  Since showers are usually about 2 months before the wedding would it be possible to move it to late July so that you can participate fully?  etc Maybe even provide a few links on “ettiquette and bridal timing” that supports your request?

I dont think its actually too early, but I do think it could be moved to accomodate all of you. After all, with its current timing they will have to pay more since you cant help.

Post # 7
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Can you suggest other dates?

Post # 10
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@lefeymw:  If I received an email as someone planning a shower with links to etiquette sites saying the bridal shower was at the wrong time, I’d be really mad.  You don’t know the circumstances for the date. My shower was six months in advance because there were out of state travel plans to deal with.  Yes, it was early, but there was a 1 week span that worked for us.

They know your wedding is 2 weeks later; don’t stress out about trying to do too much.  If they get upset, just apologize and say that x is all you are able to help out with.  Don’t throw the date in their face…there may have been reasons behind it.

Post # 11
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

Yes I agree with others that I would send an email response saying you are excited to help out for the shower and will do all you can to help, but since it’s 2 weeks before your wedding your budget and availability is limited unfortunately. I would still ask to be assigned a task like favors or games that you can get super cheap (games can be free) and just explain that you can’t contribute any more financially because of the timing.

Post # 13
Member
3314 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@Moose1209:  The only things a bridesmaid is required to do are buy a dress and show up on time.  Throwing a bridal shower or bachelorette is a *nice* thing and yes a lot of bridesmaids do help out with it, but it is *not* a requirement.  Based on the ops situation and the timing that the rest of the other wedding party chose without consulting the op, she’s got a perfectly understandable reason why she can’t participate.  Had they all talked things over including timing etc and the op had been agreeable at first and now was worried, then that would be a different situation.

 

@lindz629:  Just explain to them what you just explained to us.  If there is any little easily done thing you can do, then maybe offer to do it.

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