(Closed) Bridesmaid didn't acknowledge shower :(

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
297 posts
Helper bee

she’s a mother of 3 = you are not her biggest priority 🙁 it sucks that you were so good to her and she’s not reciprocating as much as you deserve, it isn’t fair! But complaining to her isn’t going to change anything b/c she still has 3 kids who take up all her time. She should not have accepted being your bridesmaid, and realistically you shouldn’t have asked her.

You sound like a person that gives too much, you let people use you. Please take a step back and focus on your own life for a while.

Post # 17
Member
2696 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
amoore2:  I wouldn’t tell her you’re upset. I think it would just make a big deal deal that doesn’t need to be. I also hate confrontation, so that’s just me.

I think it’s not reasonable for you to expect her to pitch in financially, or even give you a gift. But I understand feeling upset about her not even contacting you. I would be upset if I didn’t hear from one of my BMs/best friends on my shower day. Yea… I get it’s not the actual wedding, but it’s a wedding event and I’m an event person and everyone who knows me knows I’ll be super super excited about it. I’m the type of person who sends flowers to people on those days, or at the very least sends a message of well wishes.

So to circle back, I get why you are sad, but I wouldn’t say anything because as evident on the bee 95% of other people do not care about all of these events.

Post # 18
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

View original reply
amoore2:  I can understand why you may be disappointed. I have a good friend who lives out of state and she’s attending the bridal shower via Skype! 

However, she may not have called because she thought you were busy with the shower. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. Hopefully she will step up for the wedding, since the shower is optional. I would give her a call and catch up but I wouldn’t mention being disappointed by the shower. 

FWIW, I don’t think being a mom excuses you from having to be a good friend like some PPs have said. 

Post # 19
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015 - Dreams Las Mareas - Costa Rica

I dont think she should have wished you “happy shower day”… she probably figured you were busy all day… when you speak as you probably normally do since you are such good friends… she will proabbly ask how eveything went etc…. thats a good friend… and thats all I think she should do… but thats just normal friendship to me

Post # 20
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

Was it mandatory that she call and wish you a “happy shower day” (never heard of that before), send you a gift and help pay for a shower that she couldn’t even attend? If not then I don’t really understand why you are upset and I don’t think you should say anything to her…it wouldn’t look good on your part. Why not just focus on the people who were there and put together a great party for you.

Post # 21
Member
2782 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Don’t say anything. What are you hoping to accomplish by doing so? All it will do is make her either feel guilty, or think you have unfair expexpectations of her (which i’d agree with, frankly).

Who paid for your shower is frankly none of your business, and it isn’t your place to be concerned over who footed the bill for a party that was thrown for you.

It’s great you did all that for her, but life isnt always reciprocal. Also, remember you were her Maid/Matron of Honor, whereas she is your Bridesmaid or Best Man…those roles have different responsabilities.

Post # 27
Member
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

i know it would have been nice to get just a text to wish you a good day…but some people just don’t think that way. she probably thought that since she declined, that was all she needed to do. and, as your Fiance said, if she’s usually someone who goes with the flow, doesn’t go out of her way to do considerate extra things, then that is a good defense. that’s her personality. unless she made a stink or has been a bad Bridesmaid or Best Man then she’s not wrong, she’s just doing things the way it fits for her. it sucks since you go above and beyond, but that’s how you do things.

gift-wise, it might have been really expensive (i don’t know how far apart y’all are) for her to get something and mail it…after all, physical wedding gifts are typically quite bulky. she might be waiting to give you a bigger better gift at your actual wedding. and, lastly just to clarify i know you mentioned she didn’t contribute financially to the shower (and i haven’t had a chance to read all the responses/updates yet) but she really doesn’t have to contribute to a shower that she can’t be a part of.

i’m so glad to hear that you had a great shower! your other BMs did a great job making your day special 🙂 i wouldn’t bring anything up to this Bridesmaid or Best Man about anything specific. if you absolutely feel the need to say something, i would just tell her that you missed her at the shower/it wasn’t the same without her, and you can’t wait to see her at the wedding. 

Post # 28
Member
1140 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Did everyone else who was unable to make your shower call to wish you a happy shower day?  If not, are you miffed at them for not doing so?  Or are you just mad that this girl because she is in the wedding?  Because it’s really not fair to just single out the girl in the wedding party. 

The topic ‘Bridesmaid didn't acknowledge shower :(’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors