(Closed) Bridesmaid dilema. Please help!

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

Id be up front and say I have already picked my bridal party and I have no intentions to change it. I would keep it short, sweet and direct. No explanations and no opinions. Youre going to be the “bad guy” regardless even though you have done nothing wrong at all.

Post # 4
Member
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@brown_delilah:  I agree with the PP, it doesn’t matter what your cousin’s wife thinks and it is pretty presumptous for her to think she was going to be in your wedding especially if the two of you aren’t close. Wow, I would just be honest and say that you already have your bridal party picked out and leave it that. And if the family still throws a fit, then ignore it. Either that or maybe have her involved some other way like helping with favors or something. Just a thought. Regardless, you aren’t obligated to include her in your wedding! Good luck and happy planning! =) 

Post # 5
Hostess
7561 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

Oh dear, you should not be put in this situation! Are you at all close to her? I would probably have someone who she’s close with break the news, like your mother or aunt. I wouldn’t deal with it personally because it sounds like she’s going to throw a fit. And why do you owe her an explaination anyways? Just sit back and watch the implosion. 

Post # 6
Member
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh my gosh please do not let her be a bridesmaid.  You can’t encourage these people!  Just think, today it’s being the wedding party, tomorrow it will be taking over the dress selection, the reception menu, etc. etc.  

Something similar happened to me the other day when a friend “hinted” that she was annoyed not to be in my bridal party.  Here’s what I said: “Honestly, I wish you could be.  I shouldn’t have picked my bridesmaids so early, but now that I have, I can’t take it back.”  You could start with something vague like that and see how she reacts.

Post # 7
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@brown_delilah:  Stop stressing. She brought this on herself. All you have to say is “I’ve chosen my bridal party and my decision is final”. If people protest, than end the conversation. Matter of fact, don’t even talk to anyone about it. Let them bring it up. It should give her the hint that the bride is not calling her.

Make arraingments with your real BMs. Don’t include her in the wedding planning at allll. She will bring nothing but trouble. There are ways to handle people. Just make sure you dont’ call her for wedding advice or appointments and learn the line “thank you for your suggestion, we will keep it in mind” or “I’ve alreayd had that appointment thank you for your interest in attending”.

Don’t let your family blackmail you. You don’t have to answer the phoneSmile

Post # 8
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@brown_delilah:  I was in the same situation. I had family members upset I did not include certain cousins and their children in the wedding party. I was very nice about it and said “I’m sorry but I’ve chosen my wedding party and my decision is final”. I did not offer an explanation because one was not needed.

If they protest, say you are sorry they can not accept your feelings as the bride but you’ve made up your mind and you hope they have a nice day.

After that, I did not hear any more protest.

Who exactly is asking you to do this? Even if they threaten to not come to the wedding, and belive me people are STUPID enough to pull that card, say “I’m sorry you’re going to miss it” and end the convo. Calling people’s bluffs seems to work haha

Post # 9
Member
7759 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@brown_delilah:  Your cousin’s *wife*? Not even your own cousin? Seriously?

I think the first step is to get your immediate family onside, especially your mother. If your mother gets pushy, use lines like “Whose wishes are more important on my wedding day? Your own daughter’s, or your nephew’s wife?”. Or “I wasn’t in her wedding, why should she be in mine”. Then let your mother pass on the “bad news”.

I also like @LuvMySailor: ‘s idea. Just ignore her, carry on making plans with your real BMs.

The topic ‘Bridesmaid dilema. Please help!’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors