(Closed) Bridesmaid dilemma…

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: How should I pick my bridesmaids?
    Don't have any bridesmaids. Too much drama. : (8 votes)
    23 %
    Ask the 8 friends as a group and if I end up with a huge wedding party, so be it. : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Ask the 8 friends as a group, but say I only have space for 3 or 4 bridesmaids. : (2 votes)
    6 %
    Just ask the 3 or so who I want and stop worrying about the group dynamics. : (19 votes)
    54 %
    Ask the advice of one of the members of the 8 who probably has a better feel for the group dynamics. : (4 votes)
    11 %
  • Post # 3
    2854 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2015

    @sleepydrake:  I say pick 3 or 4 girls and leave it at that. I have 6 girls from high school that I’m still close with. I’m asking the three that I talk to/see most often. The rest will understand, and they’ll have a blast hanging out togther at my wedding!

    Post # 4
    3943 posts
    Honey bee

    My advice is to have your Maid/Matron of Honor and thats it. Asking girls you arent super close to is just a recipe for disaster. There are tons of posts on here of people who regret their bridal party choice.


    Post # 5
    128 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    As a person who has a bridal party of one…my sister and that’s because she asked…I would say it might be easier for you to just have your Maid/Matron of Honor. I’ve read tons of horror stories on this board about the chaos that a large bridal party brings (I doubt you want to write a thread about having to kick out 8 bridesmaids, lol). If you don’t feel you must have them standing there with you then just let them come as guests. If there are one or two that show a greater interest than the others then maybe invite them as bridesmaids but I don’t think it’s a must.

    Good luck!

    Post # 6
    4525 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    Out of those options, I would not tell all 8 but say only 2-3 of them can be in the wedding.

    Post # 7
    2968 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    i say either have just a maid of honor or just the 3 girls. but don’t ask anyone just for the sake of filling a spot, only ask them if you genuinely want them to stand up there with you.

    Post # 9
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2014

    @sleepydrake:  Don’t ask any of them. 

    You can’t ask these girls as a group but tell them only 3 of them will make the cut. What will you say? ‘I only want three BMs but there are eight of you, so welcome to the Hunger Games!’. That would be really rude and make things awkward. It never makes anybody who has been passed up as a Bridesmaid or Best Man feel better to know that they almost made the cut. Trust me. 

    You can have all eight of them or three of them, but I really think that having none would be better. You’re not super close to these girls, so why would you want them to be bridesmaids? I know that you’re excited that they’re excited about your wedding, but that doesn’t mean they qualify as your closest friends. I think the fact that you’ve drifted apart from these girls says that the friendship wasn’t incredibly dear to your heart. You really should pick people who you’re close to as BMs because only best friends will be happy enough for you to spend £500 on a flight to be there with zero resentment about it. 

    I also think that you’re overestimating how much these girls care about your wedding (it’s fine, every bride does it). There is really no need for all of this ‘I just drew names out of a hat’ nonsense. I’m sure the girls you choose would be happy to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man in the wedding of an old high school friend but not getting chosen isn’t going to ruin any lives. Like I said, your bridal party is not the Hunger Games. That means you don’t have to make up weird excuses to placate everyone. 

    I hope that you find a solution that works for you. 

    Post # 10
    221 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I’d only have your friend as Maid/Matron of Honor.

    It doesn’t sound like they are close at all. Email group isnt enough. In the planNing stages, you might find out that you have little in common or can’t stand them. Your friendship with them needs to be tried and tested and don’t use your wedding to do that.

    They might not be all that excited for your wedding and that will break your heart in time. And you’ll wonder why your putting so much effort into getting their outfits together, etc. It was a pain to chase after my BMs to get their measurements, like pulling teeth out. But because they were my sisters and a Long time friend I didn’t mind. I know that if they weren’t family, I would feel super pissed off and i would regret the effort, time and money wasted on them. 

    There were two people that I was disappointed with on my weddgig day. My own mom and my bridesmaid friend. I thought they were not helpful in one of the most important days of my life. I’m still talking to my mom because I love her but I can’t stand my long time friend after the wedding, the friendship has run its course. Now I have to see her face inlaLa my photos. 

    Weddings can bring the worst out of people. I don’t know why I have a hard time forgiving haha. And it’s not like she did really bad things but just annoying. Weddings also make you really assess the worth of your friendship with them. Kinda mean but it happened for me. I’m a loner too but there were other aspects of my wedding that I would have rather invested in rather than fussing over bridesmaids.

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