(Closed) Bridesmaid dilemma!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
857 posts
Busy bee

You should never feel like you have too. Remember, this is your day, and what you want and dream of is what should happen.

If you are feeling that she is forcing herself, maybe you should just talk to her.

If you do decide to call her Bridemaid, do not feel like you have to ask her siblings as well.

If anyone gives you grief for your decisions, they just there proved themselfs of not bing the right person. The wedding is about you, not them!

Post # 5
46589 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@blushblossom91:  You are the one who determines if you feel guilt, not anyone else.

There is no need to feel guilt at all over your choices of BM’s.

If you are having your Future Sister-In-Law as Maid/Matron of Honor, I would have your best friend as Bridesmaid or Best Man and stop there. That way you don’t get stuck in the “if I have A, I need to have B” conundrum.


Post # 6
8 posts
  • Wedding: June 2014

Being a bridesmaid is an honor, not a a privelege. Since this is your day, you should go with who you want and not who you feel obligated to ask. If you don’t make certain girls your bridesmaid, maybe find another way to make them feel included? I’m having one of my non-BM friends help plan the bachelorette party.

Post # 7
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

People who are drama will always find a way to make drama, no matter what you do to appease them. So stop trying. I think a PP gave great advice to go with Future Sister-In-Law and your very best friend. Keep the bridal party small and simple. If people make a fuss about it, let it be their problem, and don’t feel any need to let their problem become your problem.

Post # 8
478 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

I’m all for making sure everyone feels included, I don’t want anyone to feel left out on my wedding day or for any feelings to be hurt, so I’m having 10 “bridesmaids”!  I put it in quotes because they’ll all be wearing the same gown (that I’m paying for) and staying in the hotel (also that I’m paying for) and participating in all the events, but at the wedding they’re walking down the aisle and taking a seat and we aren’t having any kind of “head table” nonsense.  Maybe consider doing something like that? That way everyone has a “title” and feels inlcuded and no feelings are hurt (and no drama), but you still get the “small wedding” feel of not really having a giant bridal party? 

Post # 9
148 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

DO NOT make your cousin your Bridesmaid or Best Man out of guilt.

Like you said, you aren’t even that close to her. Now you are planning a big ‘do, and suddenly she thinks you’re best friends?!

Typically the PUSHIEST people who have delusions about how important they are to you or what their role should be in your life create the most Drama.

I guarantee that if you choose her she will be the most boring, lazy, whingy, self centred bridesmaid ever.

Please just choose your nearest and dearest!

Post # 10
857 posts
Busy bee

Good luck Lady!!

Post # 11
1333 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@blushblossom91:  I feel your pain.  This is the very reason I’m not having a bridal party, except for one flower girl.  There are just so many friends/family members I feel obligated to ask, for one reason or another, that the party would be up to 10 girls!  And I also want to have a small, 60-75 person wedding.  So yeah… I’m just not going to deal with it.  But good luck in this tough situation!

Post # 12
805 posts
Busy bee

As previous posters have said, just keep saying no!

Post # 13
7387 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@younglady:  Typically the PUSHIEST people who have delusions about how important they are to you or what their role should be in your life create the most Drama.

It plays out exactly like this on the Bee all the time. Just keep it your Future Sister-In-Law and Boyfriend or Best Friend. That’s it. People don’t like it, TOUGH. Start learning to say “that’s simply not the vision we (it’s your FH’s day to)had for our day.” And change the subject. You don’t owe ANYONE an explaination about your day. 



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