Post # 1
Hi bees, I’m struggling with picking my bridesmaids. I keep going back and forth on if I extend the group or keep it more intimate. What do you all think about who all I should include and where to draw the line?
Post # 2
I am usually of the opinion that too many bridesmaids takes the whole honor out of it. I would stick with your absolute nearest and dearest. You are also not obligated to have any of your FSILs in the bridal party if you have friends with whom you are much closer.
Post # 3
- Wedding: August 2020 - La Jolla, CA
I prefer small bridal parties. It really feels like an honor, and there is a smaller chance of looking back and wishing someone wasn’t in your party.
Post # 4
I think small-medium size groups are nice (that being said, I’m having 7 but I have 3 sisters so what can you do…). I disagree with the above bee, and think family trumps friendships. You’re joining two families together; best to not start out by excluding some members.
Post # 5
I prefer a smaller bridal party. I have 4 bridesmaids which includes 3 sisters and a best friend.
Post # 6
Can you give us an idea on who you’re considering?
In my opinion, 4-6 is a very nice size and about the most it’d be easy enough to coordinate schedules with.
I have 7. My sister as Maid/Matron of Honor, 4 best friends as BMs, and FI’s two young sisters as junior BMs.
There were a few more names being thrown around for BMs (mediumly close friends, cousins, groomsman’s gf) but I realized if I wasn’t 100% positive in having them as BMs, it wasn’t the right thing to do. It’s worked out well so far.
Post # 7
I am having 4: Sister, SIL, and two friends. Unless you have a sister or SIL that is an absolute nightmare, I think it is a nice gesture to include them, so I disagree with a PP on that point. I tried to look at it from the angle of these girls are the ones who have either been with me the longest and played a significant role in my life, have played a significant role in my relationship with my Fiance, or who will continue to play an important role in my life in the future.
The only problem I have with large bridal parties is that I simply do not believe anyone has 12 “very close” friends. Unless you happen to come from a particularly large family, I think at some point it’s just that you’ve lost the ability to say no and/or you feel guilty and want to include everyone.
Post # 8
I picked 6 friends, and my fiance’s 3 sisters (2 are junior bridesmaids) so I have 9 total.
Believe it or not I did draw a line. I did not include my sorority big, little and one of my childhood best friends. At first I felt that I was obligated to include them but the more I thought about it, my relationship with them just isn’t as strong anymore and I feel as though they always put other friends before me. So I didn’t want bridesmaids that don’t feel the same way about me as I do about them.
Here’s some things I thought of to make my decision….
When is the last time I’ve seen or talked to this friend? Have they always been a good friend? Have they ever helped me when I was sad? Do they put effort into our friendship? Does my Fiance like them? Does my mom like them? Are they reliable? Would they enjoy being in a bridal party? If I was super emotional on my wedding day would I benefit from them being there? Do I see myself being friends with them for years to come?
Post # 9
I had one Maid/Matron of Honor and two bridesmaids for our wedding. We got married 5 years ago and since then I’ve had a falling out with one of my bridesmaids, so we are no longer friends. Unfortunately, of course she is now in our wedding pictures. It’s better to have a smaller group with people who you know will be with you for years to come than to invite a friend out of guilt (which is what I did). Smaller is better, in my opinion. When my sister got married in Sept. 2017, she just had me (MOH) and her future sister-in-law (BM) so it was just family. It worked out well because then she didn’t have to choose between friends.
Post # 10
I personally like smaller wedding parties – I went to a wedding in August with 10 attendants in each side. I thought it was a bit much. I’ve opted not to have any attendants bc I didn’t want to try and make decisions on who should and shouldn’t be in the party and hurt feelings. I’m going to have one friend who is good at logistics helping me out, but no one will be “in” the wedding.