(Closed) Bridesmaid dilemma

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I think if you’re having any doubt at all you shouldn’t ask her, chances are if you aren’t really close at this point in time, you won’t be close by the time your wedding comes around! It’s your day, if you have bridesmaids you are asking them because they’re special to you and you want them by your side. I don’t think you should be feeling guilty or putting pressure on yourself over this girl, and you definitely shouldn’t feel any obligation to ask her. If you happen to become close again before the wedding, you can always ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, but it’s very very difficult to un-ask someone.

If she likes to cause drama (and we all know someone like that!) it seems like it really isn’t worth it, and will probably cause some sort of stress or problem as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. If she can’t handle not being a Bridesmaid or Best Man and just be happy to be a guest then perhaps she isn’t really worth worrying about at all. 

Post # 3
Hostess
9065 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

WhiteRose07:  I wouldn’t ask her and when she inevitably asks why I would just say that you just aren’t as close as you used to be and you don’t want a tonne of bridesmaids.

Post # 4
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

The best way about picking who should or should not be in your wedding is an answer to one question…Is this person someone you consider to be your nearest and dearest?  If the answer is no or you hesitate when answering then you know what you should do and who you should ask.

But generally if you have to post to a forum to figure out if you should ask someone to be in your wedding party then the answer is typically no, you shouldn’t.

Post # 5
Member
9525 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Someone who bullies you into getting their way isn’t much of a friend IMO.

If you don’t want her then calmly and politely stand up for yourself

Post # 6
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

If she caused issues not being in the wedding party for a friend, think about the kind of issues she could cause in a wedding party if she doesn’t get her way.  I wouldn’t ask her for that reason alone.

Post # 7
Member
47281 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If she is going to cause problems for you whether she is included or not, I suggest you don’t include her. Get the drama and the problems over with early in the process, rather thsn deal with her all along the way.

Post # 9
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

WhiteRose07:  I’m sorry, this person told you that you are the cause of her mental illness and you still want her to do a reading at your wedding?  What?

Post # 11
Member
2076 posts
Buzzing bee

WhiteRose07:  But you didn’t hurt her.  By not asking her to be in your wedding is in no way hurting her.  If she chooses to be hurt by that decision, that is on her.  But you did nothing wrong.  The fact that she blames you for her mental illness and that you  “can’t stand to hurt someone” is her playing on your weakness.  She knows she can make you feel bad and as such will make you feel bad to get her way.  Don’t play that game.

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