Post # 1
I wanted to get your advice on something.
I asked My bridesmaid (35 yrs old and I’ve known for about 15 years) about 10 months ago to be in my wedding. I am getting married in September.
She told me she was getting a half sleeve tattoo 6 months before my wedding. I told her that I was very upset because I didn’t want that in my pictures. She’s the type of person that would not like the cover up and wouldn’t wear it.
I asked her calmly if she would hold off on it until after the wedding because I didn’t want it on the ceremony and pictures.
She flipped on my and said’fine I’m dropping out of the wedding” without even talking about it. She is a very defensive person and it was like talking to a wall. She kept saying that she was out of the wedding and I just kept saying “that’s a shame that you’re choosing a tattoo over our friendship and being in my wedding” She hung up on me.
Post # 3
She should have talked to you more calmly, but more importantly I’m not sure you should have asked her to delay her plans. When anyone is asked to postpone or change a life decision for someone else’s wedding I always find it out of line. It’s your wedding, which does not trump any major part of her life.
I think you should appologize, and ask her if she’d be willing to wear a shawl or something if it bothers you that much.
Post # 4
I voted for two choices, note that this is strictly my own opinion, as you have solicited opinions!
While you may not want tattoos in your wedding photos, your friend is going to have hte tattoo forever and is your friend. Unfortunately, in my opinion, you do not have the right to be “very upset” about what she chooses to do with her skin. Asking her if she would mind holding off for a few months is definitely an option, but in the end it’s her choice. That said, if your friend dropped out immediately and refused to talk about it, I feel that’s also offside.
Not trying to be inflamatory at all… this is purely my take on the situation, given the information provided.
Good luck with sorting everything out.
Post # 5
To me that’s close to saying “Can you hold off on getting pregnant until after I get married? I don’t want a pregnant bridesmaid in my pictures.” Not quite there, but pretty close.
If she’s your friend, then all of her is your friend, what you think is gorgeous and what you think is hideous.
Honestly, I’d probably be offended too if the first thing my friend thinks after I tell her about a big decision I made that I’m excited about is…”hmm…how does this effect me and my plans?” lol
Post # 6
I agree with the previous posters. IMO, you shouldn’t ask your friend to postpone tattoos. The decision to get any tattoo – especially a full sleeve – is a lifetime commitment, more permanent than a marriage! If she’s your friend, and you love her enough to ask her to be a bridesmaid, then you know she’s the kind of person who likes tattoos. If you don’t want them in the wedding, and she’s a real friend, I’m sure she’d be happy to cover it with makeup. That’s my two cents. I don’t have tattoos and neither does my Fiance, but I like them. There will be plenty of conservative extended family on FI’s side who will be at our wedding, and two of my bridesmaids in strapless dresses will have very visible arm and chest tattoos. I can’t imagine asking my best friends to cover their bodies in any way to appease people at my wedding, but if I did (for reasons I would clearly explain, as I know how much it would be to ask someone to CHANGE HER BODY for me), I’d anticipate that my best friends would love me BACK enough to have no problem with it. IMO, asking someone to wait 6 months to get a major tattoo is like asking a bridesmaid to lose 25 lbs before your wedding. Trying not to be judgemental, but based on the exchange you had with this girl, it just doesn’t seem like you guys have the greatest friendship to begin with.
Post # 7
Actually, I feel like you’re choosing your wedding over her friendship. I know we all want our pictures to be perfect, but what makes them so is not whether or not its fit for a front page spread in a top bridal magazine, but if they have our closest and best friends around us. You obviously chose her to be in your wedding for a reason… I don’t think pictures is worth losing a friendship over. But on her end, respect may seem worth it to lose a friend and by you asking her, it didn’t show very much respect for her feelings.
Post # 8
@L.A.: I just kept saying “that’s a shame that you’re choosing a tattoo over our friendship and being in my wedding” She hung up on me.
It’s a shame you’re picking a photo over a friendship and her being in your wedding. I would have hung up on you too.
Post # 9
I wanted your honesty so I appreciate everyone’s response.
Post # 10
I have to agree with the other PPs. I get why you do not want tattoos in your photos but it is her body.
Post # 11
Eeek, have to agree with PP.
Post # 12
I, too, agree with many of the posters above. I would call her back and apologize, if your friendship means something to you. ~ If the tattoo really bothers you, I’m certain a professional photographer can edit it out of pics.
Post # 13
@raspberrymacaron: I was thinking the EXACT same thing.
OP, I think you were in the wrong and should not have said anything. What I think you should do now is talk to your friend – maybe take her out to a nice dinner – and apologize profously and say you just got crazy wedding brain and made a huge mistake and never should have said anything. Explain that your friendship is more important and you want to have her stand by you tatoos and all! If she’s a good friend, she’ll forgive you.
Post # 14
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
You take your friends the way they are and for who they are when you ask them to be in your wedding. It’s totally not fair to expect her to hold off on such a major personal decision to accommodate your pictures. If you don’t want her there with the tattoos, then you don’t want her there enough for her to be in your bridal party. I agree with the PP that it’s like asking someone not to get pregnant.
Post # 15
Agree with PPs but it sounds like she over-reacted so hopefully you two can talk it out. Good luck!
Post # 16
thanks for all the advice!