(Closed) Bridesmaid Dilemma

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
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  • Post # 3
    Member
    4354 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    She should have talked to you more calmly, but more importantly I’m not sure you should have asked her to delay her plans. When anyone is asked to postpone or change a life decision for someone else’s wedding I always find it out of line. It’s your wedding, which does not trump any major part of her life.

    I think you should appologize, and ask her if she’d be willing to wear a shawl or something if it bothers you that much.

    Post # 4
    Member
    699 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I voted for two choices, note that this is strictly my own opinion, as you have solicited opinions!

    While you may not want tattoos in your wedding photos, your friend is going to have hte tattoo forever and is your friend.  Unfortunately, in my opinion, you do not have the right to be “very upset” about what she chooses to do with her skin.  Asking her if she would mind holding off for a few months is definitely an option, but in the end it’s her choice.  That said, if your friend dropped out immediately and refused to talk about it, I feel that’s also offside.

    Not trying to be inflamatory at all… this is purely my take on the situation, given the information provided.

    Good luck with sorting everything out.

    Post # 5
    Member
    3977 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    To me that’s close to saying “Can you hold off on getting pregnant until after I get married? I don’t want a pregnant bridesmaid in my pictures.” Not quite there, but pretty close.

    If she’s your friend, then all of her is your friend, what you think is gorgeous and what you think is hideous.

    Honestly, I’d probably be offended too if the first thing my friend thinks after I tell her about a big decision I made that I’m excited about is…”hmm…how does this effect me and my plans?” lol

    Post # 6
    Member
    55 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I agree with the previous posters. IMO, you shouldn’t ask your friend to postpone tattoos. The decision to get any tattoo – especially a full sleeve – is a lifetime commitment, more permanent than a marriage! If she’s your friend, and you love her enough to ask her to be a bridesmaid, then you know she’s the kind of person who likes tattoos. If you don’t want them in the wedding, and she’s a real friend, I’m sure she’d be happy to cover it with makeup. That’s my two cents. I don’t have tattoos and neither does my Fiance, but I like them. There will be plenty of conservative extended family on FI’s side who will be at our wedding, and two of my bridesmaids in strapless dresses will have very visible arm and chest tattoos. I can’t imagine asking my best friends to cover their bodies in any way to appease people at my wedding, but if I did (for reasons I would clearly explain, as I know how much it would be to ask someone to CHANGE HER BODY for me), I’d anticipate that my best friends would love me BACK enough to have no problem with it. IMO, asking someone to wait 6 months to get a major tattoo is like asking a bridesmaid to lose 25 lbs before your wedding. Trying not to be judgemental, but based on the exchange you had with this girl, it just doesn’t seem like you guys have the greatest friendship to begin with.

    Post # 7
    Member
    187 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    Actually, I feel like you’re choosing your wedding over her friendship.  I know we all want our pictures to be perfect, but what makes them so is not whether or not its fit for a front page spread in a top bridal magazine, but if they have our closest and best friends around us.  You obviously chose her to be in your wedding for a reason… I don’t think pictures is worth losing a friendship over.  But on her end, respect may seem worth it to lose a friend and by you asking her, it didn’t show very much respect for her feelings.

    Post # 8
    Member
    522 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @L.A.:   I just kept saying “that’s a shame that you’re choosing a tattoo over our friendship and being in my wedding” She hung up on me.

    It’s a shame you’re picking a photo over a friendship and her being in your wedding. I would have hung up on you too.

    Post # 10
    Member
    2725 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    I have to agree with the other PPs. I get why you do not want tattoos in your photos but it is her body.

    Post # 11
    Member
    3120 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Eeek, have to agree with PP.

    Post # 12
    Member
    5984 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1999

    I, too, agree with many of the posters above.  I would call her back and apologize, if your friendship means something to you.  ~ If the tattoo really bothers you, I’m certain a professional photographer can edit it out of pics. 

    Post # 13
    Member
    2715 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    @raspberrymacaron:  I was thinking the EXACT same thing. 

     

    OP, I think you were in the wrong and should not have said anything.  What I think you should do now is talk to your friend – maybe take her out to a nice dinner – and apologize profously and say you just got crazy wedding brain and made a huge mistake and never should have said anything.  Explain that your friendship is more important and you want to have her stand by you tatoos and all!  If she’s a good friend, she’ll forgive you. 

    Post # 14
    Member
    7901 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    You take your friends the way they are and for who they are when you ask them to be in your wedding. It’s totally not fair to expect her to hold off on such a major personal decision to accommodate your pictures. If you don’t want her there with the tattoos, then you don’t want her there enough for her to be in your bridal party. I agree with the PP that it’s like asking someone not to get pregnant.

    Post # 15
    Member
    9548 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Agree with PPs but it sounds like she over-reacted so hopefully you two can talk it out. Good luck!

    The topic ‘Bridesmaid Dilemma’ is closed to new replies.

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