(Closed) Bridesmaid Dilemma…Advice Appreciated.

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
7872 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

msfreemis:  Did you mention up front that you wanted the girl to be at the bridal shower and parties? I don’t think a 16 year old needs to be at them, only the rehearsal.

I feel like somewhere there’s been a lack of communication. Possibly their circumstances have changed, possibly there has been a rethink by them.

What bothers me most is that this whole thing seems to have put a block in the relationship. I think ASAP you should try to meet them (the 5 of you, i.e. you + FI, them, their daughters) and talk it out. If they continue to make excuses, I would come out and say something along those lines (e.g. “I feel like this is harming our friendship, and that is the last thing I want. Please we need to together and talk, regardless of what we do about the wedding”).

Post # 3
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I wonder if your friends are having some sort of crisis at the moment, possibly financial. Have you tried to talk with them outside of wedding planning? 


I also wonder how what your expectations are for your bridesmaids. You mention multiple events that she “needs” to attend, including parties (plural) and in addition to the shower and rehearsal). Could it be that you’re putting a bit too much pressure on a teenager, and she and her family don’t know how to deal with it so they’re distancing themselves? 


Im just speculating here, and without knowing all the details, I can’t tell how close I am to the mark. But I can say with 99% confidence that your wedding is not as important to everyone else as it is to you. I would suggest that you put the wedding aside when dealing with this and approach it as a friend. 

Post # 4
1048 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

And I wouldn’t have an emergency stand in – you may as well tell someone “you don’t mean enough to me to be a first choice bridesmaid, but you’ll do in order to make up the numbers”. Your numbers do not have to match. 

Post # 5
355 posts
Helper bee

msfreemis:  what kind of wedding are you having? Is it a destination wedding or some sort of wedding that requires some traveling? We almost had our ring bearer pull out on us until I heard from the grapevine that they were concern about the hotel costs were too much for them and they didn’t have the guts to tell us.

So we ended up contacting them and gave them a 2 night stay out of our own pockets. Bottom line is, there might be something financially going on that they don’t want to tell you because of pride. 

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