(Closed) Bridesmaid Dilemma: GUILT to ask a COUSIN

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4594 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

Things to think about:  firstly it’s your wedding so you should do what you’re most comfortable with.

You can have uneven sides, in the UK we don’t have groomsmen and I’d never heard of the whole even side thing until I joined this wedsite; and with 7 on each side already is an extra person really going to make that much of a difference (even if you do HAVE to add one on your FIs side too)?

Personally I think it’s a bit mean to ask one and not the other, and people will comment (as they’re cousins there may be a few mutual guests).  And you say it will be a BIG BIG problem.  Could you ask neither?  Either have less on your side or ask someone else if you really want the sides to be even?

So that’s my opinion. Ask both or ask neither…

Good luck 🙂


Post # 4
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Well first of all, it’s your wedding so ultimately you can do whatever you feel is right! You should never have to ask someone to be a bridesmaid, it should be reserved for people you think are important and want to stand by you on your special day! That being said, I think it’s a bit iffy to ask one cousin and not the other, and if you said it would cause an issue, maybe that’s not the best idea. As PP said, it doesn’t necessarily have to be an even number, and with a party that big it won’t be too noticeable. I would either ask them both, or ask neither.

Post # 5
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m actually in a very similar situation.  I know it’s probably not the answer you’re looking for, but I ended up just inviting my cousin to be in the wedding party, even though it means I have 8 bridesmaids and he only has 7 groomsmen.  I didn’t want to be the cause of family drama by ‘snubbing’ one cousin, even though we’re not close and I generally don’t approve of her behavior (whole other story, lol).  I’m just hoping she’ll behave for my wedding.  In the end I think the uneven sides won’t matter too much, and having family around me will.

Post # 6
3253 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

This is your day.

I made the mistake (against my better judgement) of asking my sister because my family wanted me to. She ended up not even coming to my wedding because of her drama. I should have just gone with my gut.

If you want one of your cousins and not the other to be in the wedding, just pick the one and your family will have to deal with it.

Post # 7
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Ask just the one cousin. It is your wedding afterall. Maybe you could ask the other cousin to be a Bridal attendant, or give her some other job to include her in some way. In any case, don’t let any one in your family make you feel guilty for not having one of your cousins as a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Just because she had you as a Bridesmaid or Best Man doesnt mean she or anyone else should expect you to make her one as well. It is you and your fiances day, include whomever you please. 🙂

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