Post # 1
My husband’s sister is getting married and asked me to be a bridesmaid. She’s the totally sweet, low key, “I just want all my girls to be comfortable with their dresses” type of person – a perfect bride. Right? Not so much…. here’s where I need your help.
The wedding is still half a year away, and the bride has gone from “pick your own navy blue bridesmaid dress” (seriously? how awesome is THAT!) to “wear this short, strapless, form fitting” dress that looks great on her short (5’0″) slender (size 2 on a bad day) bridesmaid, but makes me (5’8″, stocky build) feel naked. No joke – naked. I should also mention that she picked the dress while out shopping with the other 2 girls (I’m out of town), so I’m the only one who didn’t get to try it on. Did I mention that I can’t sit in the dress without flashing everything? Or bend over, or move, dance, etc.
I told her how I felt, and she said she felt bad but that was that. She kept going back and forth, and finally decided that I could wear any similar dress. So I found one that still makes me feel naked (yeah, my hopes of a dress with straps totally vanished), but at least I can sit in it. Now she’s pissed off that the dress I suggested wasn’t the one she chose. Sigh. And no, the dress she chose doesn’t fit her “vision” – she told me she chose it because she felt pressured to make a decision. 🙁
At this point I just want to do anything but stand up in this wedding. I feel like, even though it’ll be tough at first, backing out would make things go back to “normal” – whatever the heck that means. 🙁 Help?
Post # 3
@VirginiaRose: It sounds to me like she’s taking her stress out on you! I’d offer to step down if I was you, so that you can be comfortable and she doesn’t have to worry about a mismatched dress in her pictures.
Post # 4
@VirginiaRose: Then back out. Most brides wouldnt change their dresses for one person or have just one standing in a different dress than the rest. I happen to be one of the “wear-whatever-the-hell-you-want” kinds of people, but your bride is not and we have to work with what we’re given.
I’d just back out. This is like reason #449 why I always decline invites to be a bridesmaid.
Post # 5
Take pictures of you in the dress and send it to her. If that doesn’t work and you really feel you can’t suck it up (a shawl for the reception? you’ll also be standing for the cermony I assume), then consider having your husband reach out to her to mediate or if need be, offering to step down. It’s tough to get a dress everyone will wear, that looks good on everyone. I had size 0 to 12 (originally 14 but the person trained for a marathon – thankfully we picked a dress with corset ties), and 5’2″ to ~5’10 who was a super high heel-lover. My sister had a meltdown over the one I picked out and we finally resolved it amicably after way too many people butted in (she agreed to wear a second choice dress of mine, but we discussed a lot of options like she could change for the reception).
Post a picture of the dress? Just being strapless I don’t see as a problem that would make you feel naked. A ton of bridesmaid dresses are strapless.
Post # 6
@VirginiaRose: I think you should step down from being in the wedding party. It will help negate any bad feelings because at this point, the bride is not going to be happy unless you stuff yourself into a really uncomfortable dress, and when you look back at those photos, you’re not going to be happy with how you look, and neither is she. I know that sounds awful, but I’ve been in your shoes twice, I stayed in the wedding, and I regret it more than anything.
An aside: one bride actually brought this up in an argument we had late last year, saying, “Well, I don’t think you know anything about getting married and I can’t be a bridesmaid for you because you were so uncomfortable at my wedding.” I was uncomfortable because I was in the fugliest guava-colored (yes, guava) nightmare in the history of bridesmaids dresses! With dyed-to-match guava flip flops that stained my feet for a week in an outdoor wedding in 111 degree heat on a freshly mown FIELD! Lol. Sigh.
Post # 7
@VirginiaRose: it sucks being tall sometimes 😛 I am 5`10 so often i love a dress but my ass cheeks they disagree they think it should be a shirt lol
long torso damn it … i feel for you it
s so hard and i mean she cant really want you to walk down flashing your ass she likely does not understand
now she feels like she just had to pick something new, i think you should be real with her sweetly though and just explain if you can
t fit in her vision you would not feel bad not standing up there but you cant in those super short dresses and its not about trying to be damanding but show her ur butt show he how it flashes when you sit … remind her the old family and friend will be there and be jaw dropped and look at you badly …. she might not realize how bad it is if you dont put ur i guess 3ish inch heels you need to show her cuz short girls dont get it they never have our figure problems
Post # 8
@kay01 – It’s not just that the alternative dress is strapless, it’s also dangerously approaching the “flashing everything” short (at least, on taller girls) – but it’s just a smidge longer than the first – about 1.5″, so my tush isn’t quite hanging out of it. I guess being taller, the combo of the short + strapless + tight was making me feel like wearing a bath towel. 😛
And to all you taller ladies, thanks for making me feel like less of a freak, lol.
Post # 9
@VirginiaRose: She felt pressured to make a decision a year and a half in advance? She needs to slow down. If I were you, I would think about just going as a guest becuase I have a feeling this is the first of MANY irrational demands from the bride.
Post # 10
That seems really early to even be picking a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress, but anyway, I think you should gracefully back out. It’s one thing to suck it up and wear a dress you don’t love because it makes someone you love happy. It’s another thing to be forced into wearing something you really, really feel uncomfortable. Feeling like you’re going to pop out (one way or another) is really awkward.
Post # 11
Unfortunately, she’s the bride so she has the final say on what dress you wear. I would take a picture of yourself in the dress and send it to her. If she still decides to go with it, you can either go with it or drop out. Sucky situation, but it’s part of being a bridesmaid.
Post # 12
@VirginiaRose: Honestly? It sounds like you are making things difficult. She tried to make it easy, but then okay – changed her mind. Now she just wants you to wear the damn dress, stand up there with a smile on your face, and call it a day. Can you buy the dress a few sizes up for the length and have it tailored in the bust? Do that. But leave the bride alone, 6 months isnt that long to buy dresses so time is of the essence and she’s stressed out.