(Closed) bridesmaid dilemma- how should i handle this?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
2175 posts
Buzzing bee

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bettyboop222:  I’d thank her for her willingness to help you and asking you to stand, but reiterate that it’s not viable for you at this time. You’re right — there ends up being a lot more costs than the dress so I think you’re making a wise choice given your current situation.

Post # 3
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

What about a shower and bachlorette party? Can you do your won hair and make up, shoes you have? Alterations may not be necessary. Break down the costs for all that and see. I’m sure during the course of wedding planning she will see that there are often more expenses than expected, she should eventually understand

Post # 4
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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bettyboop222:  Thank her for her offer and repeat that you are sorry, but you simply can’t accept the honor.

Post # 7
2990 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’m just annoyed that she won’t even cover the whole cost of your stupid dress. When my college bestie said that she couldn’t afford to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for the same reasons as you, I changed my theme to be “your favorite LBD and black shoes” since she had both, bought everyone matching accessories to make them look at least somewhat cohesive, paid for everyone’s hair and nails (we all did our own makeup), and rented a vacation home so everyone could stay there for $30/night. Being considerate is not rocket science! 

As for not paying for the shower/bachelorette, my friends who have gotten married and I feel that a shower/bachelorette are really only for local friends and family – the mere presence of Out of Town guests, BMs included, is the best gift they could give. But you see, my friends aren’t crazy. So it’s hard to say for sure how your lack of involvement would be interpreted. 

Post # 8
660 posts
Busy bee

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bettyboop222:  i agree, i wouldn’t be comfortable being a bridesmaid but not paying for the events while the other girls did. i think your friend might be trying to make things easier for you, but it just puts you in a more awkward position. there’s a lot of expenses that come up – shoes, hair, makeup, gifts, etc. i would tell her her you still can’t accept and you’ll be there to support her as a friend – helping with ideas or projects, research for vendors, just listening throughout the whole process. and all of that is free!

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