Post # 1
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
A long time friend of mine would like me to be in her wedding. Problem is I cannot afford it. My husband switched jobs, we just had a baby and we owe a lot of money back to his previous employer we just discovered and we were not expecting. I told her that i was in a financial stuggle and unfortunately i wouldnt be able to be in her wedding, but that I would still like to attend, even though that would be difficult because her wedding is out of state– so even attending her wedding would include flight and hotel, rental car. She replied by saying the only difference would be the cost in the dress and that she would pay for half of the dress. She caught me off guard in the conversation by saying that, but that still leaves the shoes, alterations, hair and makeup. She wasnt in my wedding because I eloped. What should i do?
Post # 2
Member
2175 posts
Buzzing bee
bettyboop222: I’d thank her for her willingness to help you and asking you to stand, but reiterate that it’s not viable for you at this time. You’re right — there ends up being a lot more costs than the dress so I think you’re making a wise choice given your current situation.
Post # 3
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
What about a shower and bachlorette party? Can you do your won hair and make up, shoes you have? Alterations may not be necessary. Break down the costs for all that and see. I’m sure during the course of wedding planning she will see that there are often more expenses than expected, she should eventually understand
Post # 4
Member
47430 posts
Honey Beekeeper
bettyboop222: Thank her for her offer and repeat that you are sorry, but you simply can’t accept the honor.
Post # 5
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
exactly. she said she would understand if i couldnt come to the shower and the bachelorette party, but as a bridesmaid i would feel really awkward if her other bridesmaids contributed and I didnt. yes that and an extra night (at least) for hotel and rental car for rehearsal dinner- I just thought of that
Post # 6
Member
4 posts
Wannabee
would you feel uncomfortable not being able to contribute to her shower/bach? She said she understands, but i just dont think it would be right that the other girls would be and I wouldnt, i just dont feel comfortable bc i cant fully commit. WOuld you guys feel like this as well?
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This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by
bettyboop222.
Post # 7
Member
2990 posts
Sugar bee
I’m just annoyed that she won’t even cover the whole cost of your stupid dress. When my college bestie said that she couldn’t afford to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man for the same reasons as you, I changed my theme to be “your favorite LBD and black shoes” since she had both, bought everyone matching accessories to make them look at least somewhat cohesive, paid for everyone’s hair and nails (we all did our own makeup), and rented a vacation home so everyone could stay there for $30/night. Being considerate is not rocket science!
As for not paying for the shower/bachelorette, my friends who have gotten married and I feel that a shower/bachelorette are really only for local friends and family – the mere presence of Out of Town guests, BMs included, is the best gift they could give. But you see, my friends aren’t crazy. So it’s hard to say for sure how your lack of involvement would be interpreted.
Post # 8
Member
660 posts
Busy bee
bettyboop222: i agree, i wouldn’t be comfortable being a bridesmaid but not paying for the events while the other girls did. i think your friend might be trying to make things easier for you, but it just puts you in a more awkward position. there’s a lot of expenses that come up – shoes, hair, makeup, gifts, etc. i would tell her her you still can’t accept and you’ll be there to support her as a friend – helping with ideas or projects, research for vendors, just listening throughout the whole process. and all of that is free!