Bridesmaid Dilemma – who to choose

posted 2 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Your friends. Never ask someone to be a bridesmaid because you want to be nice and make sure they don’t feel left out. These should be the people closest to you. 

Post # 3
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2018 - Farm

kdcbee :  You can keep the 4 that you have asked and have uneven sides or ask your other two friends and let them decide if they would like to be bridemaids. I don’t see the point in asking the other two girls who are girlfriends of the groomsmens because they want to be in the wedding. I don’t think those are valid reasons if you really don’t have a relationship with them. Do you hang out with them outside of your boyfriends?  The groomsmens girlfriends  are their intentions pure and sincere, as far as being a bridesmaid? Most people have those closest to them as their wedding party. I would ask my friends and leave it at that.

 

 

Post # 4
Member
1258 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

I had the same dilemma…Our best man’s gf is one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man. I had to consider if we were close friends independent of our men and if we’d still be friends if they broke up.

Post # 5
Member
499 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

 

I had 6 bridesmaids and my husband had four groomsmen. Honestly, it wasn’t weird at all. Personally, I think you should stick with the bridesmaids you have. They were your original picks for a reason. I say absolutely not to the two girlfriends. Just because their boyfriends are in the party doesn’t mean you have to include their girlfriends. What if they break up? Remember, these people will be in your wedding photos. You don’t want to look back and regret who you have up there with you. Less is more, trust me.

 

If you must have even numbers, go with your friends.

Post # 6
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Hands down – choose your 2 friends, I think you already have that instinct :). While these girlfriends may be super sweet and of course would love to share in your special day as part of the bridal party, these are not reasons to include them. They will still have a fabulous and inclusive time as guests at your wedding.  They’re not married with the groomsmen, if they were to breakup, do you think you would be nearly as close with them? If these are your FH’s childhood friends, my guess is that those friendships would remain strong and the girlfriends might drift. It’s pessimistic I know. If it feels forced to choose two additional bridesmaids to even out the groomsmen, I would stick with 4. Balance is overrated :). 

Post # 7
Member
1290 posts
Bumble bee

you either have the 4 you already asked or you will ask your friends. i think it’s a bit off putting that the grooms friends girlfriends expect to be bridesmaids  

Post # 8
Member
864 posts
Busy bee

kdcbee :  Just because she is not a girly girl doesn’t mean your childhood friend wouldn’t love to be a bridesmaid. I’m not, by any definition a girly girl but I loved dressing up for my sisters and bestfriends weddings. For the other girl,  I would probably ask the girlfriend who will be married next. Everyone else will understand that there are only so many spots, especially since you want them to be even.

Post # 9
Member
448 posts
Helper bee

Your friends. 

You’ve said it yourself, if they weren’t the girlfriends of the groom’s men, you wouldn’t be close to them much less know them. 

I’ve always likened it to the whole “Don’t marry the person you can live with, marry the one you can’t live without.” Don’t ask for BMs you can live with, ask the friends you cannot not have with you on your big day.

I find it a bit offputting that your Fiance insisted his sister stand on your side, that’s taking up one spot (sounds like you wouldn’t have asked her otherwise), and then NOW, his groom’s men’s girlfriends want in as well. 

Edit: i’m not a girly girl by any means, never had my nails done professionally, HATE the color pink. Day to day, I wear zero makeup and I’m not a massive fan of being in photos. When I was picked as Bridesmaid or Best Man, I wore a full face of makeup, took all the required photos happily and wore pink. Next up, as another Bridesmaid or Best Man, I’m getting hair and makup done professionally because the bride wanted. Just because they aren’t girly-girls doesn’t mean they won’t be happy to be BMs and won’t happily do what’s expected.

Post # 10
Member
613 posts
Busy bee

kdcbee :  I would ask your friends. They are long standing and maintained friendships. Regardless of how you perceive their desire/interest in being a bridesmaid, I think they would be honored to be asked. 

I don’t think the GM’s girlfriends will be upset about being left out if you have six solid friends of your own up there. They might have more of a tendency to be slighted if you opted for uneven parties…Like you would rather have no one than them, if that makes sense.

Like a pp said, I think it’s weird that GM’s girlfriends are fishing for bridal party invites.

Post # 11
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

I’d definitely ask the friends you’ve known for longest. It’s more meaningful that way! Even though they might not seem like the type, I’m sure they’d be more than thrilled! 

Post # 12
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You think your friends wouldn’t care about being bridesmaids in your wedding, but I disagree. I imagine they’d feel hurt if you’re still close and you don’t ask them because of something like not being a girly-girl. I’m not at all a girly girl, but you can bet I would have been hurt if my BFF from high school (who I don’t really get to see often anymore) hadn’t of picked me to be in her wedding year before last.

Post # 13
Member
2802 posts
Sugar bee

I would just have the sides uneven. I think it would hurt your real friends if you chose acquaintances over them, and i think it would be a little odd to have people in your wedding party that were only your friends by default. it’s meant to be a way to honour the people closest to you. 

I would normally suggest asking the friends, but only if you were willing to be flexible on their budget and time investment (which it doesn’t sound like you want to be). 

Post # 14
Member
469 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I would say ask your friends. One of my bridesmaids commented multiple times when we were dress shopping that she doesn’t like dresses (I offered that she could wear a jumpsuit or romper etc, but she didn’t want to) but she has otherwise been very supportive, honored, and enthuiastic about being a bridesmaid. It should be about who you’re closest to.

Post # 15
Member
18 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Honestly you can talk to your friends and just tell them your feelings won’t be hurt if they’re not interested in making the time/financial investment and that you can find some other way to inclide them if they prefer not. Make sure they feel they can be honest and give them first priority. That’s what I did.

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