Post # 1
I have 4 very close friends from college. We all lived together for 4 years, and have been extremely close since college. When I got engaged, I asked them all to be my bridesmaids, and they all eagerly accepted. One Bridesmaid, We will call her Sally, has become increasingly distant since then. Not responding to texts or calls, not wanting to participate in group activities, etc. I then found out that one of my other bridesmaids, we will call her Molly, had a terrible fight with her. Sally told Molly that she is annoying and she never wants to speak to her again (keep in mind we have all been close friends for nearly 8 years). Molly is notably hurt. Since then, Sally has been zero communication. My Maid/Matron of Honor is from out of town, so when she was in town, we all went bridesmaid dress shopping. I sent out a group text to all the BM’s and got texts back confirming that they can come, all but Sally. I text her individually, she responds with, its on my calendar.
The same weekend my Maid/Matron of Honor is in town, we have a dinner party for the BM’s and GM’s at our house. Sally chooses to come, then leave after about 30 mins. Now last week, I found out Sally GOT MARRIED. We didnt even know she was engaged. Sally and her now husband went to the courthouse. I only found this out because another friend told me. I am quite hurt she didnt even give me a call to let me know she had gotten married! I am so happy she has found love and happiness, but hurt that she didnt feel the need to tell me.
I really dont know what to think. She has bought her dress, so I am guessing she will be at the wedding, in her dress, when asked. But I feel like our friendship is gone. It just makes me sad. I have tried to make contact so many times, only to get ignored.
Post # 2
Thats a tough one. Its sounding like your Bridesmaid or Best Man isnt wanting to be your friend anymore, for whatever reason. Are you still wanting her to be a BM?
Post # 3
Have you gotten Sally’s side of the story as to why her and Molly aren’t friends anymore? I doubt it’s just as simple as “I’ve decided after 8 years that she’s annoying.” I’ve been in situations where a friendship falls apart and other people in the group try to pretend that nothing is happening and everyone will be fine and dandy in the same room together, without realizing it’s really difficult for those people. Trying to stay out of it ALWAYS backfires eventually and perhaps it’s her that’s been feeling left out, like you all chose Molly over her?
Post # 4
Have you tried contacting just to check in? It sounds like all your contact is about the wedding. Maybe you need to invite her to coffee or something just to chat – make it about your friendship and leave the wedding out of it.
Post # 5
if she went to the courthouse it might be for a whole host of reasons, maybe shes on the down low waiting for your wedding to be out the way to plan hers so as not to ‘steal your thunder’ but need legal marriage now
also whatevers between sally and molly has nothing to do with you, I wouldnt go poking the fire because you might fall in and get burned
Post # 6
You don’t have a bridesmaid problem, you have a friend problem. Clearly your friend had a lot going on in her life right now and for whatever reason she feels like she can’t share that with you.
Call her or stop by and visit. Leave your wedding out of it. She isn’t required to do anything other than buy the outfit you tell her to and show up the day of. So that can take a backseat for now. And maybe she just needs some space for whatever it is – happy or sad or just stressful. If she isn’t receptive to communication right now, just let her know you are there for her if she does want to talk and give her space. Maybe the relationship will just fizzle once the wedding is over, maybe she just wants time and space, maybe she legitimately dislikes your other friend and is trying to distance herself from group activities involving her.
Post # 7
anonobee17 : Don’t feel hurt. Some people sneak off and get married and think its quirky or romantic or low key. I am a good friend I go out of my way for my friends and would absolutely do that bc I can’t deal with any hooplah or attention drawn to myself. I just want to be married. I think you need to get down to the bottom of the fight. Was Molly a jerk to Sally? Maybe Sally thinks you and the other Bridesmaids are on Molly’s side. She never wants to talk to Molly again so it would make sense she wouldn’t want to deal with the wedding bc they would have to see each other.
Post # 8
btob17 : OOH the steal your thunder is completely a possibility. Some brides are catty and mayve she thought you would be mad.
Post # 9
abwcmo : I have tried to contact her but get radio silence. Tried to schedule skype, phone call, etc. Nothing. The only reason I know Mollys side is because she let me know, and she wanted to tell me she wouldnt let it ruin the wedding.
hikingbride : Yes, very much so. I try not to bring up the wedding at all, just send a text saying hey, just wanted to catch up, wanna grab coffee on X date. Nothing.
btob17 : That is exactly my thought. I dont want to take sides, especially because I care for both Sally and Molly deeply. I still want to be friends with both of them, even though they are not friends anymore.
annabananabee : This is what I am trying to do. Once I heard of the feud I gave her space. Let things be for a while. I have let her know I am there. Just hoping we can stay friends.
Amy Elizabeth : I dont know the whole story between them. Molly gave me the readers digest version, and I didnt pry any more. Molly is one of those people who is nice to everyone, but without knowing exactly what happened, I cant make judgement. I know my Maid/Matron of Honor still has regular contact with Sally, but I am getting radio silence, which is definitely hard.
On the marriage thing, I am so happy for her and want to be able to share this time with her! It just one of those things, I wish she had told me, not someone else. No thunder stolen, we had a long engagement!
Post # 10
hunting_bride : Yes, I still want her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. She is a close friend and I cant imagine the day without her, but with her actions I wonder if this is a one way feeling. 🙁
Post # 11
anonobee17 : What is her personality typically like? I ask because I have never been one to share a huge amount of details about my personal life, even with my close friends; in some ways I feel I may have done what she did without meaning harm. When I do this I am not trying to be hurtful but sometimes it is difficult for me to divulge information about my personal life simply because I think others won’t care. Maybe she isn’t being distant, but is this just how she operates in life?