Post # 1
Member
20 posts
Newbee
My shower was this past weekend and all of my bridesmaids RSVP’ed attending. At 4pm the day before my shower one of my bridesmaids sent me a text message saying she wouldn’t be able to come because she had a test for grad school. Come to find out the test was on Tuesday (2 days after the shower) and she skipped my shower to go to a concert 5 hours away and didn’t feel like driving up the next day to be present. My fiances family threw me a beautiful shower and they lost money on her because she didnt show up and they paid for food by plate ahead of time. When I confronted her about it she acted like she didn’t do anything wrong and said she didn’t want to drive because she didn’t have the money. Would it be fair to ask her to not be a bridesmaid anymore? I’m so hurt and upset by this situation, I feel so disrespected and I don’t even feel like I’d be happy to see her on the wedding day. (which would be the next time I see her) We have been friends for 10 years but in the last few years have been loosing touch and falling out.
Opinions please! My Fiance says get rid of her, everyone else says think about it for a while, I don’t want to be out all that money (we are paying for hotels, hair, makeup, travel, food and more) But at the same time I don’t want to spend that money on someone I won’t even be happy to see.
Post # 3
Member
4518 posts
Honey bee
I’d think it over for a few days before doing anything. I agree that skipping your shower like that was very rude and selfish of her, when she had said she was attending. These are not attributes that you want in a Bridesmaid or Best Man, much less a good friend.
Asking her to step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, though, is an irreversible action that will most likely end the friendship. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it, just that you should think it over a bit longer so that when you do decide what to do, you’re really sure it’s the right thing.
Post # 4
Member
1269 posts
Bumble bee
In the grand scheme of your friendship, this is one screw up. Is it worth ending it for? Don’t friends usually get a few more chances? If she was close enough to ask to be a bridesmaid then I think she would be close enough to get a second chance.
Post # 5
Member
1243 posts
Bumble bee
Wow. I can completely understand why that would hurt…a lot.
I agree with Stillme: think about it for a couple of days before you do anything that you might regret later.
When you confronted her, did you explain to her that you were upset not only that she didn’t come, but that because she decided to RSVP yes and then backed out, your FI’s family was left holding the bag? I can understand her not having the gas money to come to the shower, but then, she should have never RSVP’d in the affirmative. Give her a chance, with all the facts, to say that she’s sorry (and mean it).
If you’ve explained all this to her and she still doesn’t care, I would probably ask her whether she will have the same attitude about the wedding. Depending on her response, I would decide whether I wanted to stand up with me.
Post # 6
Member
713 posts
Busy bee
That really sucks and she was definitely a crappy friend for doing that. But I wouldn’t cut her over just that. It’s pretty late in the game at this point and that could lead to further drama and difficulties.
Post # 7
Member
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
i think i wouldn’t cut her yet, but i certainly would be watching for any more crappy occurrences.
Post # 8
Member
6998 posts
Busy Beekeeper
if she didnt show up for the wedding i would then really consider ending the friendship but i would think twice about it over a shower. i had a Bridesmaid or Best Man skip my shower too – though she had to work…still invitations were sent, she could have requested off but it was not worth the time or energy to get angry about it – my shower was perfect. What worried me was the fact that based on this maybe she wouldnt show up to the rehearsal or wedding – but she was there 🙂
i would give her the benefit of the doubt for the moment
Post # 9
Member
445 posts
Helper bee
I have a similar bridesmaid. A no show at the shower, rsvp “no” bachelorette, and missed my bridesmaid lunch to be with her man even though I drove 6 hours to have the lunch. I also have no idea what her dress looks like or her shoes. She’s actually hosting a friends bachelorette party during mine… You get the idea.
I weighed my options and it’s honestly a lot easier to dismiss her behavior, keep her in the wedding party and just address the issue of her being a crappy friend AFTER the wedding. The last thing you need is MORE drama as a result of calling out someone who is being selfish and self-centered. That never ends well. If you can just let this roll off of you and accept the fact that she may not be the friend you thought she was (at least that’s how it is in my case), you’ll be able to get through these events a lot easier.
Sorry you’re going through this! Just focus on how awesome everyone else is!
Post # 10
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
Humans aren’t perfect. She made a stupid mistake. I wouldn’t cut her from the party because of it. Tell her how you feel and voice your concerns about her not showing up on the wedding day. Then move on.
Post # 11
Member
20 posts
Newbee
Thanks so much Bee’s! You really gave me great insight! Good luck to all of you and your big days!!! 🙂
Post # 12
Member
1489 posts
Bumble bee
@VeronikaRB: Definetly think before you act… People sometimes act off of emotions and the aftermath is way bigger that what we expect
Member