(Closed) Bridesmaid ditched my shower…

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
4499 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d think it over for a few days before doing anything. I agree that skipping your shower like that was very rude and selfish of her, when she had said she was attending. These are not attributes that you want in a Bridesmaid or Best Man, much less a good friend.

Asking her to step down as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, though, is an irreversible action that will most likely end the friendship. I’m not saying you shouldn’t do it, just that you should think it over a bit longer so that when you do decide what to do, you’re really sure it’s the right thing.

Post # 4
1269 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

In the grand scheme of your friendship, this is one screw up.  Is it worth ending it for?  Don’t friends usually get a few more chances?  If she was close enough to ask to be a bridesmaid then I think she would be close enough to get a second chance.

Post # 5
1243 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow.  I can completely understand why that would hurt…a lot.  

I agree with Stillme: think about it for a couple of days before you do anything that you might regret later.

When you confronted her, did you explain to her that you were upset not only that she didn’t come, but that because she decided to RSVP yes and then backed out, your FI’s family was left holding the bag?  I can understand her not having the gas money to come to the shower, but then, she should have never RSVP’d in the affirmative.  Give her a chance, with all the facts, to say that she’s sorry (and mean it). 

If you’ve explained all this to her and she still doesn’t care, I would probably ask her whether she will have the same attitude about the wedding.  Depending on her response, I would decide whether I wanted to stand up with me.

Post # 6
713 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

That really sucks and she was definitely a crappy friend for doing that. But I wouldn’t cut her over just that. It’s pretty late in the game at this point and that could lead to further drama and difficulties.

Post # 7
5887 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

i think i wouldn’t cut her yet, but i certainly would be watching for any more crappy occurrences.

Post # 8
6995 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2011

if she didnt show up for the wedding i would then really consider ending the friendship but i would think twice about it over a shower. i had a Bridesmaid or Best Man skip my shower too – though she had to work…still invitations were sent, she could have requested off but it was not worth the time or energy to get angry about it – my shower was perfect. What worried me was the fact that based on this maybe she wouldnt show up to the rehearsal or wedding – but she was there 🙂

i would give her the benefit of the doubt for the moment

Post # 9
445 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I have a similar bridesmaid. A no show at the shower, rsvp “no” bachelorette, and missed my bridesmaid lunch to be with her man even though I drove 6 hours to have the lunch. I also have no idea what her dress looks like or her shoes. She’s actually hosting a friends bachelorette party during mine… You get the idea.

I weighed my options and it’s honestly a lot easier to dismiss her behavior, keep her in the wedding party and just address the issue of her being a crappy friend AFTER the wedding. The last thing you need is MORE drama as a result of calling out someone who is being selfish and self-centered. That never ends well. If  you can just let this roll off of you and accept the fact that she may not be the friend you thought she was (at least that’s how it is in my case), you’ll be able to get through these events a lot easier.

Sorry you’re going through this! Just focus on how awesome everyone else is! 

Post # 10
7298 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Humans aren’t perfect. She made a stupid mistake. I wouldn’t cut her from the party because of it. Tell her how you feel and voice your concerns about her not showing up on the wedding day. Then move on.

Post # 12
1488 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

View original reply
@VeronikaRB: Definetly think before you act… People sometimes act off of emotions and the aftermath is way bigger that what we expect


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