- 5 years ago
- Wedding: February 2013
Hi brides! guesses I just need to talk to other brides who may have had similar experiences or who can offer some ideas. I have a bridesmaid who is acting like a bit of a diva and Im getting really over it to be honest! I am having one matron of Honour and one bridesmaid (as my other two friends who I wanted as well are unavailable for various reasons – heavily pregnant and due with twins at my wedding date). My matron of Honour is my mum and she has been a gem. My bridesmaid is someone I’ve known for 13 years and am quite close to. She has always been a bit competitive of me whenever an event calls for attention on me (eg birthdays etc) but I usually tend to keep her in line, and I never really expected it from her at my wedding. I first noticed this when I was about 9mths out from the wedding and at a movie day with a group of girls she asked me if we were having a bridal table. When I said “No we don’t really want one” she said (in front of everyone) “what! No! No! You have to! No!!! Why!!!!” And I said how we wanted to have one big communal table and wanted to be connected to our guests and my fiancé’s family as they are flying in from overseas so we want to be sitting with them. She then ARGUED with me and said “no you have to have a bridal table! I love bridal tables! I want one! You have to!!! And I said “ok well that’s nice but this is our wedding and we don’t want one” And she said “no! You have to!” And I repeated myself more firmly. Then one of my other friends cut in and told her that this is our wedding and she can have a bridal table at her wedding when it’s her day, but this is not her day…. Then when the dress buying started she kept picking dresses that showed off her breasts (as she often does) so I ended up (with the girls input) choosing the dresses myself. I just have to add that my BMs have not been asked to pay one single cent for ANYTHING. We have bought everything for our wedding party as gifts for them. We chose colours and styles that we know they will wear again. We have not asked them to do any tasks or pay anything, just to put on their outfits we bought for them, carry out some tasks on the day to help us, and to contribute $50 towards the cost of their hotel room. That’s it. I think that’s pretty reasonable. So then when my hens day time came, again I was understanding that both Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man were snowed under with personal commitments and work so I made all the bookings and asked that they just arrange the invite, RSVPs, and the payments. As it turned out, the Bridesmaid or Best Man was in charge of the $$. Well it ended up that I had to pay not only for myself but also for 2 other people that she said were coming and were actually not. She never contributed a single thing towards the party other than a bottle of soft drink and one guacamole dip. My poor Maid/Matron of Honor had to spend a fortune on food, she is not highly paid, and my Bridesmaid or Best Man earns double what we do! And she is always buying clothes, and she spent over $300 on herself at the party (lingerie party). I was so angry because she had already thrown a 30min tantrum prior to my hens party as she couldn’t decide what to wear, she stomped her feet and said she wanted to wear my spare hens veil, and when I said No darling, its not appropriate, she then turned up in a large white floral headpiece thing. She also dressed up like she was going out, when the dress code was 80s bridesmaid dresses. She also argued with me when I said we were having chairs for the ceremonly and yelled at me over and over “no! You aren’t having chairs! you don’t need them! No! No way! You are NOT having them! No!” I put my hand up aad said “um yes we are, it’s our wedding and this is what we are doing”…. So then she got her dress and stomped her feet and said she “isn’t entirely happy” with how it sits on her upper body and she wants the bust taken in as “she can’t wear it as it is”. I said it looks lovely and there is nothing wrong with it (there really isn’t!). The odd thing is, the dress was made tofit her based on HER OWN pinning of the dress muslin, it wasnt bought off the rack or anything. This all happened on the same day she threw her “I don’t have anything to wear to the hens” tantrum. I said I wasn’t prepared to have the bust tightened, that any alterations would impact her ability to move her arms, and that the dress looks exactly as my fiancé and I want it to And i dont want her wearing a tight busted dress. Now that I was getting my final alterations done she has decided to raise it again, 4 weeks out from the wedding! I sought advice from two couture dressmakers who both said that the fabric will get stitch holes if it is altered and turns out too tight and needs to be unpicked. Thy said it is so minimal that she should just use a little Hollywood tape or a few tiny tacks (I’ve agreed to that). Nope, she’s still fighting me on it. And I have now said very clearly that this is impacting our friendship, causing me a lot of grief when I am so crazy busy and also battling a chronic illness, and that it is against our wishes. And she is still persisting. I’m just so over it. Everyone else has been amazing and supportive, and a lot of people were pretty disgusted with how she dressed at my hens, lumped my Maid/Matron of Honor with everything, and was so ‘me me me’ and raunchy sexual at my hens…. If she says she won’t wear the dress as is then I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I may have to say ok then that’s a shame and we won’t see you at the wedding an lose the friendship. I’d love it all to just chill the hell out and move on to having a great day!!! I’m kinda now feeling like “for goodness sakes put the dress on, be quiet and accept its not about you”…. Help girls!!! I’m really considerate but I’m just so over this and even being firm but polite isn’t working!!!! I’ve even said straighT up, we don’t want it altered so please accept that And she still seems to think the conversation isn’t over!!!