Bridesmaid doesn't seem to care at all

posted 3 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
Member
593 posts
Busy bee

I am not sure what a ‘stand-by’ flight is. Does this mean she may not make it to your wedding at all?

Post # 3
Member
542 posts
Busy bee

if it were me i would explain to her that for my own sanity, it would work best if she is also a “standby” bridesmaid. meaning, i will plan as if you’re not showing up, but if you do, thats ok too.

Post # 4
Member
10402 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Sounds like she doesn’t really want to be in the wedding. Instead of getting mad, give her an out.

Post # 5
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
cosimaskye :  Basically you fly super cheap if anyone doesn’t show up last minute- so you may or may not fly at all. It’s kind of a gamble but if you’re not fussy/don’t mind waiting, you can fly for way cheaper.

Would she only be missing the rehearsal, or potentially the wedding? I wouldn’t have an issue with my bridesmaid missing the rehearsal if she needed to save some cash flying standby (actually, one of my bridesmaids did miss the rehearsal in order to take cheaper transportation to my wedding, since she was trying to save money too and I totally didn’t care), but does she have a contingency plan to make sure she’s at the actual wedding?

Post # 6
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
fyeahp0pcorn :  Agree with PP that it sounds like she doesn’t actually want to be in the wedding and I would give her an out. Some people get really excited by the ‘idea’ of being in a wedding and commit without fully thinking through. 

Post # 8
Member
4241 posts
Honey bee

View original reply
fyeahp0pcorn :  Ok, that would make me nervous too. I’m of the opinion that bridesmaids pretty much just need to show up, but it doesn’t sound like she’s even guaranteeing that. I guess I would tell her point blank- she either makes solid plans to be there, or she can be a guest. I don’t think it’s too much to ask.

Post # 9
Member
593 posts
Busy bee

So it sounds like she could actually miss the wedding then which is rather poor. She does need to understand that accepting her role means she has to be there on time on the day of the wedding and cannot really be a ‘I should be able to make it’. 

Have you thought of paying the flight fare difference to gaurantee her a seat? I know you shouldnt have to, however if she isnt going to pay it, it might just be worth the piece of mind. 

 

Post # 11
Member
593 posts
Busy bee

Yeah I knew itd be a long shot. What is the price difference for the flight? Is it rather significant?

I think your only choice is to tell her that if she cannot guarantee that she will be there for your big day, then you will have to choose someone else to be your Bridesmaid or Best Man. It isnt fair on you to be stressed more than you need to on your day. Worst case scenario and she doesnt make it to your wedding, you have wasted money on her dress, shoes, makeup, hair, meal etc… and that is not fair. 

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