- 6 years ago
- Wedding: July 2012
First time poster, but need advice from you lovely bees.
When my Fiance and I got engaged, I thought that choosing family to be in the bridal party should be more important than choosing friends. I chose a few other girls and my FI’s two cousins, who are younger than me but we always got along great. The older one has always looked up to me like an older sister and always went to me for advice or just to talk. We became really close at times and drifted at other times. She is still pretty young and likes to stir up drama, such as writing passive-agressive things on Facebook, taking offense at the smallest things, and always making something out of nothing (i.e. about another family member – “I HATE her! She liked [other cousin’s] picture on Facebook, but not mine. She is such a bitch!” SERIOUSLY!).
At the time of my bachelorette party we hadn’t talked in a couple of weeks but never had a fight or anything, but who knows what she decided to take offense at that I didn’t know about. Anyway, she ditched my bachelorette dinner at the last minute to hang out with her boyfriend. I purposely had a dinner party instead of going out to a bar so that she could come (she’s underage). I called her out on it via text – not mean, accusing, or anything, just asking if she was still going to come. She ignored me for a day, then when she finally responded, right before the party, she did apologize for not being able to come and explained herself. I replied by saying “I understand. Talk to you soon.” Or something like that but definitely saying that I understood what happened. Before I heard back from her, Fiance called his mom and was so pissed that he vented all about that to her. He was upset that she did that to me.
A few days later at a family event she completely ignored me and did not talk to me at all, when usually she is always talking to me. I noticed that same morning on Facebook her writing statuses saying things like, “I can’t believe I ever had such a high opinion of you” (all these things totally not directed at real people, just general statements to get attention) and “Finally seeing some people’s true colors” and things like that. At my shower a week later, I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone look more unhappy and miserable. A couple of friends across the room said she looked so miserable while I was opening gifts that it made everyone else uncomfortable. She wouldn’t take a picture with me or hold a conversation with me – but just me, not anyone else.
So today I decide to call her and clear the air. I said, “I just wanted to call you and see if everything’s okay. I got the impression that something is wrong or that you might be mad at me because we weren’t talking that much.” She said no, not at all, she was just sick and tired both times I saw her. Then we went on to have the most awkward conversation in which she told me how ugly her dress looked on her and that she hated an idea that another bridesmaid had. Nothing positive. I tried to get a positive comment out of her, nothing.
I don’t know what to do at this point. I don’t want her walking down the aisle with that miserable mug she had on at the shower. I really don’t know how else to try to fix this. Clearly there is something wrong – a few weeks ago all she talked about was how excited she was for the wedding and how she was so happy to have me in the family. Now she barely wants to acknoweldge me. At this point Fiance feels terrible that I chose his family over my friends and now they are acting like this. Not to mention that they never did anything to help, and complained about the dresses that I let them pick out on their own. I want our families to be happy, and especially since we got to be so close at one time and she’s always been close to Fiance, I want her to be happy and enjoy the day with us – not mope around thinking about how she doesn’t like me for whatever reason.
I don’t know if she’s just being a miserable person in general or if it’s something about me, but I don’t know how to deal with her. Advice, please?!