(Closed) Bridesmaid doesn’t want to be in my wedding anymore…

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3166 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

i’d tell her how much it would mean to you to have her up there with you and explain why you’d like her there. then go on and tell her there’s no reason to feel overweight and if possible, maybe she can wear a dress she’s more comfortable in? you and her could make an afternoon out of it – grab lunch and she can try on new dresses (where you can tell her how great she looks). it sounds like she’s just feeling a bit self conscious, so maybe she just needs a boost. if that’s not really the issue or she doesn’t budge on it, just let her go. you can get her a corsage or something so she still feels special, but i wouldn’t press it hard if she’s uncomfortable.

Post # 4
1160 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Second everything @elliestan says. It does sound like she might be feeling self conscious, and you definitely want to err on the side of kindness in that case.

Post # 5
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I agree with what the others have said; it sounds like she might not be comfortable wearing the dresses that have been picked out due to low self-esteem and she might feel better if she wore a different style.

Post # 6
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

I get tired of hearing about overweight BMs sulking about their bodies.  Tell her it’s important for you that she be a part of it but that you’ll respect her decision either way. 

She needs to shed some pounds if she’s that unhappy.  It’s not up to you to keep boosting her. She should be the one boosting you as the bride. 

Post # 7
971 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

Maybe when she originally mentioned it, she didn’t know who you’d pick to be BMs and now that she’s seen the other girls,  sheknows she can’t measure up to them, will stick out like a sore thumb and feels worse about herself? 

Post # 8
6394 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think it’s best to approach the situation with kindness. If you want, offer to let her wear a bolero or a wrap. I used to work in a clothing store, and it’s really surprising how many women are self-conscious about their arms. If you want everyone to look the same (and I wouldn’t blame you, I really enjoy the uniform Bridesmaid or Best Man look), then go ahead and express your regret, tell her she’s not too overweight to be in your wedding, but tell her you understand she’s uncomfortable.

If she doesn’t want to do it now, though, there’s a possibility that if you push her to do it, she’ll back out closer to the wedding. If it’s too much of a stress, I would just let her out of it. You might both be happier that way.

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