(Closed) Bridesmaid Doesn’t Want to Contribute

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

Honestyly? I wouldn’t expect anybody to contribute anything towards my shower. $300 is a lot to ask! Especially in this economy.

She paid for her dress and shoes and will be there to stand up for you on your wedding day. Beyond that, I’m not sure she’s really "obligated" to do or contribute much more. And if there were more expectations of her, you should have made them clear before she accepted.

Post # 4
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

I am sorry that you are going through this.  That being said, I don’t think she has done anything wrong.  The cost were likely not mentioned when you asked her to be your bridesmaid.  And her money is kind of her business.  If she says she cannot afford it, then she can’t.  $300 bucks is a ton of money to ask for for a shower.  She has many other things to pay for associated with your wedding.  I think making any contribution (especially when she is not attending) is sufficient.  Especially when that contribution is almost 100 bucks.

Last word of advice: Stay out of any shower drama.  It really isn’t your place.  Have fun as the bride.

Post # 7
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I agree with the others.  Maybe it’s expensive where you live, but I threw a shower for a friend and the total cost was well under $300.  How many bridesmaids do you have if they are each contributing $300?

I see the flip side of it as well.  If I were unable to attend your shower, I would be a little miffed that I was still expected to shell out $300 for it.

Post # 8
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Let it go!

$300 is a lot to contribute to a shower she is not attending and didn’t have a say in the plans.

I have no idea who paid what for my shower I just showed up but I can promise you the entire party cost less than $300.

Post # 9
Member
1962 posts
Buzzing bee

 I haven’t had mine.  When I was Maid/Matron of Honor, I ended up paying for most of it.  1) because I make a lot more than the other bmaids, and 2) I wanted to make sure my bestie had a beautiful shower. 

I also planned it for a lot less than 300 bucks a bmaid (5 of us total though a lot more than 300 from me alone).  Maybe your girls should just turn up the creativity juices to bring budget more down to earth. But again, I don’t know how many girls you are having.

Post # 10
Member
8738 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2011

@zip773: My shower will be paid for jointly by friends of my mom. They offered. FI’s mom also wants to throw me one.

I’m not even going to ask my BMs to come because both would require travel and I don’t want them to think I’m asking them for gifts.

I’ve also told my BMs that I will pay my part of the bachelorette (although I’m not sure they will let me).

They are paying for their transportation to the wedding, dresses, and shoes as well as lodging for the wedding although some of that will be partially subsidized.

I will be paying for their hair and makeup for the wedding.

Post # 11
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

$300pp for a shower!  i make $100K+ a year and even i would choke at $300 for a bridal shower, especially as she has already purchased the dress and shoes and is travelling to the wedding and shes not even going to be there to attend the shower

 

Must be nice to have the money to travel all year long and take off work whenever

SHE works to earn her own money, SHE pays for her things so she can choose what she wants to do with her money and doesnt need your permission – maybe this is why $300 for the shower is a big ask as she is saving for a dream holiday

Post # 13
Member
5766 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d be more angry at your Maid/Matron of Honor for involving you in the drama. Will they not have your shower if they don’t get that amount from her? Of course not, so they may have to cut back somewhere to be able to afford it without her money. If she can only contribute $75., then that’s all she can do.

Post # 14
Member
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I’m sorry that this is hurtful to you.  But honestly, I think the entire role of a bridesmaid is to wear the dress and show up at your wedding (and rehearsal, if you have one).  Anything beyond that is just a bonus.  So I think you should be happy that she’s coming to your wedding, that she’s supporting you in your marriage, and forget about any other expectations you have of her.  And I don’t know if you’ve communicated this to her, but if I were a Bridesmaid or Best Man and flying halfway across the country to be in a wedding, if the bride said something like “So basically she is going to show up for the wedding – wow, geez thanks,” I would be really ticked.

Now, if this is a constant pattern of her taking and never giving back, maybe that’s something to consider in evaluating whether the friendship is worth it.  But that shouldn’t be solely about the wedding and what you think she should be paying.

And seriously, $300???  What kind of shower/group gift is this??

Post # 15
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

6 girls at $300 per person = an $1800 bridal shower???

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