(Closed) Bridesmaid drama

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2640 posts
Sugar bee

So sorry.  It is your wedding.  I completely understand wanting to have the girls in the same dress.  And then yes, you’d want to get something they’d feel comfortable in.  It sounds like you’ve tried to gently tell your friend her ideas aren’t going to work.  I would try being direct about not wanting immodest dresses for (I’m assuming) church ceremony.  And also, that some girls won’t feel comfortable in them.  Granted she might not feel comfortable in it.  But a dress not being revealing enough for her is different than someone else feeling self conscious in a dress too revealing.  (IMO).  If she isn’t responding to you laying down the law, maybe then discuss discuss how she is coming across.  Sometimes people don’t really know.  If she is a close friend, (you said best friend), maybe she feels like she can get away with really speaking her mind.  (Soontobe loves me. She’s my BFF.  She won’t think I’m a bad person if I’m honest about ALL these things.) 

I wouldn’t go the whole "kicking her out" road, unless you’ve exhausted everything else.  That kind of thing can ruin friendships.  And one day your wedding will have come and gone.  Think first about how much her friendship means to you. 

Good luck.

Post # 4
278 posts
Helper bee

Perhaps her wedding is making her a little more opinionated than usual.  She should be reminded that although her opinion counts, it’s ultimately your decision and choice as to what your bms will wear.  Afterall, is is your wedding and not hers.

Like ppl have mentioned on other threads, weddings bring out the best and worst in people sometimes.  I feel like when you agree to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you agree to be supportive and compromise in times like this.  It looks like your friend is being a bm-zilla.  Talk to her, be straight up and hopefully….she’ll realize how she is being.

Post # 5
815 posts
Busy bee

I agree with pinkparfait–let her know that you appreciate her opinion but it’s YOUR wedding.  She calls the shots for her wedding and you call the shots for yours.  It can be a bit disappointing to have her turn her nose up at things, so try and talk to her about it.  Let her know that it bothers you.  Sometimes being a bridesmaid is all about biting your tongue and supporting your friend, no matter how much you like or don’t like the dress.  


All the best! 

Post # 6
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Just talk to her about it.  Yes, it might be a wee bit of conflict, a tiny bit of drama, but this is one of those situations that snowball, and you could end up with much bigger issues.

 Perhaps try saying, "I’m so excited that both of us get to plan our weddings at the same time.  I love hearing the ideas you have because it makes me think about what I want for my own wedding.  But you know, we’re different people, and I can’t wait to see what ideas you are going to have that are totally different from what I might do.  I’m sure you feel the same way!  So, can we agree to try to not tell each other what the other "should" do because it’s what "we" would do if we were in the other’s place?  I want my wedding to look like me, and your wedding to look like you–even down to the bridesmaid dresses."

I think she should understand.  From personal experience, I was in a wedding of a best friend last year.  I was not engaged yet, but another of our friends was.  The dress the bride picked out was NOTHING like what I would choose, or our other friend–but the bride loved it!  I bought it and wore it without complaint, saying things like "this is just what I always imagined wearing in your wedding!" (which was true).  But my friend who was engaged during that time had only criticism for the bride–color wasn’t right, fit didn’t work for her, "wasn’t what she would choose," etc.  I think that those girls who are already engaged find it hard to draw the line between their wedding and the wedding they’ve been chosen to be in. Sometimes they just need a small reminder to be supportive.

We all get so caught up in planning our own "big days" that we forget that sometimes we’re just the supporting role in other weddings.  Just talk to her.  I’m sure she’ll tone it down a bit. 

Post # 10
334 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Glad to hear things are working out.  Is everything with you and your fiance still okay?  You mentioned being concerned in your last post, unless I read it wrong.  :-/

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