(Closed) Bridesmaid drama

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

I’m sorry you have to deal with that kind of drama…

I can’t really think of any other way for you to deal with her other than having a long conversation about it all. We are all human, and who knows what her insecurities are…but being a friend means being supportive and happy for the other’s happiness…

I would just say to strategize exactly how you will bring it up to her…start off with telling her how important she is to you and how much you love here, how many things you’ve been through together, etc…and then say that youve been getting a wierd vibe and were hoping that you guys could discuss any feelings she may be having about being a Bridesmaid instead of Maid/Matron of Honor, etc…

Post # 4
Member
923 posts
Busy bee

What I would suggest is not including her in the wedding planning. Have her show up, but at this point to ask her opinion or involve her in important appointments like dress fittings, picking flowers, etc I would definitly leave her out. I understand your concern over talking to her about this, so maybe you can put your feelings in a letter or email. let her now how her actions have hurt you and this is a joyous time for you, you would hate to look back on it years from now and have bad memories because of how she is acting. If she can’t be supportive she can’t be involved.

Post # 5
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds like her behavior is likely to become worse as the wedding nears and it might be wisest to nip this in the bud before that happens. You can do so via confrontation or just giving her tasks that take her out of the planning process per se, but still keep her otherwise involved (see Pilotsgirl09’s great comment above.)

Still, if you plan a confrontation, perhaps you can put it to her like this: Let her know that you’re excited to have her as a bridesmaid to share and support you during this exciting time. This way, you’re acknowledging her right away, and making her feel better about her position. Her position, by the way, is a position of HONOR to witness an event important in your life — this is not about the weight of the friendship in terms of Maid/Matron of Honor or anything, so do your best not to have her steer the conversation toward that. Then, state that you expect details to get more cumbersome in the coming months and you’d like her support in the following ways (insert exactly however you feel she would be best suited in “helping” from here on out.) Finally, ask her if she is still interested in being a Bridesmaid or Best Man knowing these parameters? If she a) flips out at you and gets defensive in some rude way, it is *she* that has taken herself out of the running as opposed to you asking her to step down. See how that works? It is now *her* CHOICE. Alternatively, she may b) say yes I do still want to be a part of your wedding and I’ll do my best to step up to the plate and help you as you see fit. If she answers with a) thank her for her frankness and let bygones be bygones. If she answers with  b) thank her for meeting *your* needs and let her know you’ll be checking in from time to time so that you each remain on the same page. This way, you let her know gracefully that you have kept the door open to revisit this if need be. What do you think?

Post # 7
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

Dear Jbug,  you CAN absolutely de-bridesmaid her!  someone who is ruining the happiness of your wedding planning should not be included in the group of special friends you have carefully selected to be part of one of the happiest days of your life.  I did it myself because of a similar situation. 

Ask her out to lunch just the two of you and kindly but firmly discuss your discontent about the way she is acting.  Remind her this is one of the happiest times of your life and would like to enjoy it without having to deal with problems stemming from the way she feels about your choice of Maid/Matron of Honor.  Maybe you could let her know your history with the other girl whom you chose to be your Maid/Matron of Honor.  Then end with letting her know that if things don’t change that you will have no other choice but to take her off the wedding party. 

Remember that you have no obligation to have anyone as part of your wedding.  I was glad I did not include my friend in our wedding, it was sad for me, as I had always pictured her in it, but happy in the end that I didn’t have anything to keep me from enjoying every detail of the planning or the wedding itself. 

WL

 

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