Post # 1
I am about 40 days out from my wedding, and one of my bridesmaids is irritating me to the point of where I want to tell her she is officially out. I paid for her dress last October with the agreement that she would pay me back, which she still has not done. She missed a day with me and the Maid/Matron of Honor trying their dresses on because she had to “do laundry”….and when she finally fit her dress on a month or so later, she claims it’s two sizes too big. Now, I am told that she is not going to come to my shower because it’s one of her kids birthdays. I’m all for celebrating your kids birthday, but my shower is a mere 2 hours out of the day.
I know I may sound a little selfish here, but shouldn’t she have done something so far to make me feel like I am a bride and that she is honored to be in my wedding? Honestly, I have had to have my MOH babysit her on so many things and it’s getting to the point where I am going to need my Maid/Matron of Honor focused on me…not policing my adult friends who agreed to be in my wedding.
The emotional side wants to tell her now that she is out. The rational side wants to let the chips fall where they may.
Post # 3
You’re going to get a bunch of “all the bridesmaid needs to do is show up in the dress” responses… but, mehh…I don’t really buy that.
If you are getting the vibe that she isn’t enjoying being a bridesmaid, you might be on to something. I dealt with that feeling for a couple of months before I finally brought it up.
Just don’t be confrontational or dramatic about it. In my case, I said “listen…its becoming apparent to me that this isn’t fun for you, and its not fun for me if this isn’t fun for you… I want being a bridesmaid to be a fun thing, not a job… so I won’t be hurt if you tell me you don’t want to do this… I’d rather know that than keep feeling badly about it”
That wording may or may not be appropriate for your situation, but the important things: a)dont be afraid to bring it up, b) don’t be overly dramatic about it
Post # 4
This close, I’d let it go. Accept that you may not get your money back for the dress. Don’t let worrying about her ruin your day this close to! People will notice that she’s not at anything…let her actions speak for herself.
Post # 5
I would definitely do what mandypop suggested and confront her about it. I am going through the EXACT same thing with one of my bridesmaids and I intend to discuss the issue with her this week. Good luck!
Post # 6
Don’t kick her out.
I think you need to take control and just make sure that she knows what your expectations are. She may not think she needs to be so involved since she is not your Maid/Matron of Honor. Let her know how much you need help and her support.
Have her get her dress taken in if it’s too big, she needs to look and feel comfortable on the day. Also gently remind her of the money she owes you, she may not have it and might be embarrsed. Talk to her openly about it, don’t be demanding, you wont get a postive reaction. Give her a deadline to pay you back and just explain that you really do need it to pay for the wedding.
Finally I know you must be disappointed she can’t come to your shower. She may need the whole day to prepare for her childs birthday. Don’t punish her for wanting to throw her child a birthday party. Again it comes down to communicating your expectations so all of your girls know what they are required to do, they are not mind readers. Good luck.
The key here is communication and understanding.