Post # 1
So today I met with a couple of my bridesmaids to pick out the dress for them to wear, and we found out they have to order them by this weekend in order for them to get here in time for alterations before the wedding. One of my bridesmaids blew me off to go snowboarding with her boyfriend (she said she couldnt come because she had ‘errands’ to run). After our appt, I let the other bridesmaids know that we had chosen a style and it was all under my file at the boutique so they could go in during this next week and get measured to order their dress. I’m not paying for their dresses, that is why I wanted their opinion in picking one out. The dress we chose is a Venus/Bella and it is only around $125 after the discount I get for buying my dress through this boutique, and they would have to put down 50% to order it. Two of my bridesmaids (including the one that went snowboarding today) are mad because she doesn’t have the money to put down on it.
Am I allowed to be a little irritated with this? All of my other bridesmaids are in the same financial situations as the others but they have been putting money back because I set my date back in June (my wedding is in May 2010). Also, the reason one of my bridesmaids doesn’t have money is because she is letting her boyfriend take all of their money to go to the Fiesta Bowl this next week in Arizona. ON top of that, these two bridesmaids have bad spending habits to begin with, and go out dropping tons of money every weekend at bars.
I understand it is short notice, but it has fallen under circumstances that I can’t control. I have tried for so long to get everyone together to pick out a dress, and schedules always conflicted so I just went with two instead of five bridesmaids.
I told them I wouldn’t be upset if they didn’t have the money to do it, and they could be a part of my wedding in a different way if they want to.
Ugh. What should I do? Am I really asking that much?
Post # 3
I think since you told them beforehand that they would need to pay, I don’t know why they are getting annoyed about it right now. I would be annoyed with them too, especially since they knew it was coming so it’s not like you said out of the blue that they need the money.
Don’t have any advice though. I didn’t have bridesmaids really at my wedding.
Post # 4
No, you aren’t asking too much at all. They knew that they were going to have to pay for them a long time ago. You have been trying to get it all to work out, but they don’t all seem to want to cooperate. I would be really upset too. You are also giving them the alternative to still be apart of you wedding, just not in that way if they don’t have the money. Sorry you are going through this. It sucks so bad. I feel for ya though because I’m having drama with mine too! But I think you are doing the right thing and you have every right to be upset. Wish I could help you more!
Post # 5
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
You’re on the same time schedule that I am, pretty much! We were engaged in June, and my BM’s knew very shortly after. Thankfully, our dress buying process went relatively smooth…but I can understand your frustration with this. If they have known since June that they will have to purchase a dress, then they should have that in the back of their mind (to set money aside). My Maid/Matron of Honor just got engaged and her wedding is in October; she’s in the process of selecting our Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses at the moment as well; I’m already trying to think about setting aside money for the cause in case I have to buy the dress on short notice!
Post # 6
I’m maybe not the most impartial person right now due to my own Bridesmaid or Best Man drama… BUT… accepting the role of bridesmaid generally also means that you are acknowledging that you’re going to have some financial responsibilities – dress, shower, bachelorette party, gift, etc.
You were thoughtful to try to include them all in dress shopping & I think that they’re being inconsiderate & downright silly.
It sounds like these girls are immature & giving them an “out” might save you some major headaches with them in the upcoming months. Once they buy the dresses, it will be a lot harder to cut them from the Bridal Party should anything arise (like snowboarding trips or sporting events on your shower date or worse your wedding date?).
Sorry, I don’t mean to sound like a debbie downer. Like I said, my own Bridesmaid or Best Man drama is definitely influencing my opinion. Plus it is a huge pet peeve of mine when people cry poverty and then go out shopping/clubbing/drinking/on vacation/etc. Oooh, that gets me mad!
Post # 7
I think this is one of the few bridesmaid dress woe posts that I actually agree with the original poster.
First, you aren’t asking too much at all. If you were asking them to shell out $325 for a dress they would need to alter, etc… then yes, you are asking too much.
You are asking them to not even pay for it all upfront…. and to pay 50% on a SUPER CHEAP dress. If I was a bridesmaid and I heard that my dress was that much, I would be singing hallelujah. It seems like these days girls are mandating ridiculously expensive dresses when (let’s face it) the bridesmaids will never wear them again.
If the money really is an issue for your friend, perhaps you could help her by lending her the money for the 50%? I can’t imagine that $62 is really going to break the bank. (And I’m referring to the bridesmaid who didn’t go snowboarding). The one who did go snowboarding and doesn’t have the $62 should get stuck walking with the ugliest groomsman (oops did I just say that, hehe)
I’m sorry that your girls are doing this, I hope that things calm down and they just pay for their darn dresses already!!
Post # 8
Miss Meepsie- I hear you girl! Is it bad that I’m kind of hoping they just can’t afford the dress so I can just cut them? There has been so much ridiculous and immature drama already (one of them got mad at me for doing wedding planning with my MOM over them). I think I would feel a lot better if they just weren’t a part of it anymore.
Post # 9
I am sorry you are dealing with this along with the other stressors of planning a wedding! It seems they are being immature, but maybe they cannot afford it. I would politely pull each one aside and ask them if they are having financial difficulty and if they can truly afford to be apart of your wedding party. If not, give them a different part in the wedding. If they can, then I would say that it is very important that they be a part of your big day and that they need to put down their portion of the money to get the dresses in time. If they are still sulky, I would tell them you are stressed and ask for their cooperation to make this a wonderful experience for everyone!! Keep your enthusiasm- you are getting married this Spring!!! YAY!!!
Post # 10
You have every reason to be annoyed, I actually experienced some of this myself. I had warned them a week before we went for dress shopping, I had also kind of rushed it because there was a special going on where if they ordered the dresses at that time it would save them $25 each on the dress which would bring the price to $130. Everyone agreed to it, and I was worried that one of my younger bridesmaids, a close cousin of mine, who also tends to toss cash out and does not manage money well, so I offered to let her borrow money. She surprisingly had the money to pay for it in full, I was so proud of her. Maybe you can bring it up to your bridesmaid how important it is for you to meet this deadline and offer her to BORROW money, and by the sounds of it I would set up a payment plan. I’m sure she can at least give you the first half after her bowl game, it sounds reasonable enough to expect it after that.
Post # 11
It sucks that they didn’t put money aside when they knew that the expense was coming up, but I can kind of sympathize with the bridesmaids. If you don’t have the money $65 is still more than they can afford on somewhat short notice. I know they probably should have been saving, but it’s not like they knew back in June that you would specifically need the money by the new year. Know what I mean? Could you loan them the money to be paid back, say by the end of January? I know it sucks, but I personally wouldn’t want to lose a bridesmaid (someone I’m close to) just because they can’t afford the dress right now.
I actually kind of had this situation. I found off the rack dresses in early January for $85. Super great deal, right? So I gave them the link and asked that they order them by the end of February so we wouldn’t have to worry about sell out risk. Two out of three were able to do it with no problem, but my future sister-in-law didn’t have them money (she was planning her own wedding for June). My parents loaned her the money and she paid them back the following month.
Post # 12
@stonefox – Honestly, I think you should take a day or two and really think about it and if you’re still feeling this way, cut them loose from their duties now, before it’s too late. Really weigh the pros/cons of having them in the Bridal Party. Obviously they mean something special to you if you asked them in the first place. That said, you definitely don’t need drama/irresponsiblity on their part. What the what is that all about – getting mad at you for planning with your mother? Sounds like a phone call from crazytown.
IF you decide to cut them, definitely tread lightly so as not to avoid destroying friendships… Kindly and gently point out all the upcoming time and $ commitments you’ll be expecting from them. If possible, let them think it was their idea to drop out b/c they’re so busy & superawesome and such. Then maybe offer them other roles such as readers or something with a little less responsibility.
But definitely think about it before you act. and whatever you decide, good luck! keep us posted!
Post # 13
Honestly, I have been wishing I wouldn’t have asked them so soon to be my bridesmaids in the first place. These girls are just really selfish and self centered. I have only been keeping them a part of my Bridal Party so I didn’t have to deal with the drama of cutting them loose. I really won’t be heartbroken if they aren’t a part of my wedding. I guess I will see what happens.
Post # 14
I feel the same way with a few members of my BP! They are all complaining about money, but they had over a year to put money away. The dresses have to be ordered by the end of January–50% down, so they would only need $65. I wish I didn’t ask mine so early either…but it is easier to keep them in for now than to cut them loose. At the end of the day it’s your wedding, so make sure you are happy with your decisions.
Post # 15
Definitely don’t think you’re asking too much. I don’t really understand why they’re suddenly up in arms about it? I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor is my BFF’s wedding 5/11 wedding and we just bought the dresses this week because they are being discontinued in her color on Thursday. If her BMs didn’t get mad, why would yours? Now she paid for my dress so I am not sure how I would feel about it if I had to pay for my own dress this early – probably not too happy – but you are much closer.
I would say to tell them to order the dresses and wash your hands of it. If they don’t buy their dresses and as a result, don’t have them on the day of, then they don’t stand up there. Simple as that.
However, I would leave their spending habits out of it. Bad or good, they are who they are and they can’t be expected to change their lives for your wedding. Just tell them that if they don’t have the dresses, then you will consider that their ‘resignation,’ so to say. Do not attack them for their lack of money as that can possibly sever the relationship.
GL and HTH! 🙂