Post # 1
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
So where to begin…background I guess. I have 6 bridesmaids, all of them live near me except one. Of the 5 that live here 2 are my sisters, 1 is a first cousin, 1 is my bff, and 1 is a close family friend. The one that lives far away is like a big sister to me and I’ve known her forever.
1 of my sisters and the one Bridesmaid or Best Man that lives far away haven’t been responding to my facebook inbox messages regarding different things that have to do with the wedding. Also, they have VERY strong opinions on my fiance, they aren’t his biggest fans to say the least. Mind you…these two are bffs with each other and I consider both my older sisters even though only one technically is my sister.
I inboxed them seperate from the other maids and asked *respectfully* if there was something that was keeping them from responding to my inboxes, and I understood that they are all busy with their daily lives, etc. Then I aded that IF they felt like they couldn’t or wouldn’t be in the wedding then to please let me know because it was really bothering me that they seemed so distant but that I would have to accept their choices, etc…I was VERY nice about it and told them I loved them…
First the Bridesmaid or Best Man that lives far away responded by saying that she didn’t think she could afford it (she pays her ex-HUSBAND alimony…A LOT of alimony) and that she couldn’t afford the plane ticket, dress, etc. I felt horrible! Because I felt like she was probably feeling awkward about telling me this, and also about her financial situation. That was understandable…but then, she trashes my fiance saying she didn’t like him anyway…etc. 
Coming from her it hurt…what could I do though? She can’t afford it so I told her thanks for her honesty and I hope things get better on the financial front.
Then my other Bridesmaid or Best Man (real older sister) comes back (HOURS later) and says yeah he isn’t my favorite person but you have to live with him not me, just tell me where and when to be there and I’ll be there. And then proceeds to trash my fiance as well…and says, don’t say I didn’t tell you when things go wrong.(!!!)
Ugh, i feel sick to my stomach, how can people that I thought loved me be so hurtful? Why can’t they just be happy for us? Happy for me? Is it ok to tell my sister she doesn’t have to be in the wedding???? i don’t want her in it now after all that…am I just being emotional? i don’t know what to think…
Sorry this is long and very depressing…maybe it’s just a vent? IDK…
Post # 3
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
Boo! I’m sorry you’re going through this. it’s a tricky situation for sure. I would just recommend talking to your sister and letting her know how you feel. And if she doesn’t want to do that, or continues to bash your Fiance just tell her “I’m sorry you feel that way, but if you can’t accept the fact that I’m marrying him then maybe you shouldn’t stand up there with me while I do it”
Post # 4
Member
1349 posts
Bumble bee
@kcr526: +1
I would not want people to stand up there with me that didn’t support both me and my SO. If these women cannot do that for you, then maybe they shouldn’t be part of the wedding. I know that is a sad thing to think about, but you deserve to have a happy, loving day. Not deal with the stress and cattiness of these women.
Post # 5
Member
1572 posts
Bumble bee
I’m sorry, but I don’t think your older sister should be a Bridesmaid or Best Man if she has that attitude. WHEN things fail, don’t say I didn’t warn you!? REALLY! IMO, it is completely understandable if you ask her to step down, since she quite obviously doesn’t support your relationship, and again, IMO, the people standing up there with you on that day should be ones who have supported you as a couple and your relationship, not tell you they pretty much believe that it is a doomed marriage.
Do you mind telling us WHY they feel the way they do about your FI?
Post # 6
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee
I’m not sure exactly why they aren’t supporters of him. I can only speculate as I have never came out and asked them. I have talked to my Bridesmaid or Best Man that is my BFF who is also very close to us all.
The Bridesmaid or Best Man that lives far away is JADED BIG TIME; she got burned so bad by her ex-husband. She is the one paying him alimony and doesn’t get a dime from him for child supprt (they have two kids together); which is causing huge financial problems for her. She also has a third child that is less than 2 years old; she didn’t marry the father to that baby because he left her while she was pregnant and she never heard from him again 
She just has a bad attitude about relationships and marriage altogether. My fiance and I had an argument a while back and I went to them all with it in hopes of venting and getting support-like close friends do. I can’t even remember what the argument was about but ever since then she has been totally against him. I think she took it as her green light to bash him even though I didn’t say anything bad about him, just that we were arguing and I needed their support.
My older sister on the other hand…ugh, I love her but she is clearly not in any position to be judging like she is. She is 35 and been married 3 times, each time it has been on a whim and in secret. She has always been judgmental about everything and anything…but will make some speech about how she isn’t judging…AFTER she goes off on a rant. She is also very self centered and if things aren’t about her then she will make it about her. Ahem…like now. She knew my fiance before me and introduced us and we hit it off immediatly. That was 3 years ago, in that time she has been in two of the three marriages. I can’t help but think she is jealous of our successful relationship. I think she also took the argument as a green light to bash him. I kind of wonder too if she had her eye on him when she introduced us-she was still married at that time but she had nothing but good things to say when she introduced us. Now she is way different.
This is what me and BFF think and it makes sense but not 100% sure…