- 6 years ago
I apologize in advance as this will probably be a long post, but I’m frustrated and disappointed. I’ve read posts like this before and I’ve thought, “Wow…I can’t imagine having friends like that…thank goodness I have good people around me!” Well, here I am…I’m one of those!
So, I’m 37 and I’m getting married in September. My bridesmaids consist of my sister (matron of honor), best friend (we’ll call her Jay), and two future sister in laws (Mary and Dina). All of them have wanted to be a part of planning as they are very excited. Early on, Jay and I had a heart to heart conversation. She was feeling that I’m being torn away from her and that my fiance’s family is taking all of the wedding planning over. I made it very clear to her that they are not making the decisions and I am in charge. I have made a point to ensure that I continue to spend time with her, call her, and include her. She even said during that conversation that she wasn’t sure that she wanted to be a bridesmaid because the wedding is all about my fiance’s family. I told her that I have very few friends and she is very important to me. Her and my sister are the ones representing me at my wedding and that is very special to me. Yes, his family is in the wedding, but without my sister and Jay, I have no representation. She seemed to understand at that time how important she was to me.
So, Jay and the future sister in laws planned a shower. There was some passive agressive girl drama that went along with that. I know there is tension between my friend and his sisters (and honestly, I think it is all stemming from Jay’s issues). My friends showed up for the shower (I only invited 5 friends other than my fiances’ family/friends as I have a very small group of friends) and we had a great day.
It was agreed that the three of them would throw the shower and my sister who is out of state would plan and coordinate the bachelorette party. We are all older (late 30’s and 40’s), so it wasn’t going to be anything too wild. The date was picked 2 months ago. Everybody seemed excited and we’ve been talking about it. The party was planned for Saturday night. Wednesday, I called Jay and got her voicemail. So I sent her a text. She said she would meet us at the restaurant, but she would need to leave by about 10pm because her son’s 19th birthday party was the next day. Great! No problem!
So I was talking to Mary on Friday and she asked about Jay. I told her that she was meeting us at the restaurant. Mary cautiously tells me that Jay had told her she wasn’t going. I of course want to defend my friend and give her the benefit of the doubt and I said, “No, Jay told me she will be there, so she will be there.” So the party comes. We are supposed to meet at the restaurant at 5:30. No Jay. I text her at 6pm and say “Are you on your way”. She responds with “I have my family over for my son’s birthday dinner. Sharon was supposed to call you. Sorry, my family wasn’t available tomorrow for the birthday party.” Ok, a little background…Jay and I are best friends…Sharon is a friend…we both know she’s not reliable…we won’t hear from her for months on end…she never follows through with anything and you cannot rely on her for anything. Why would it be Sharon’s job to call me to tell me that my best friend and bridesmaid would not be coming to the party?
So to wrap it up. None of my friends came to my party. The party was my sister, 2 future sister in laws, and my future mother in law. We had a blast! But I’m a bit disappointed that Jay didn’t come…or none of my friends. And I think it is very rude that she didn’t call me or text me to tell me she wouldn’t be coming. Am I overreacting? Should I just be happy that everybody showed up for the shower? Is it out of line to think that girlfriends could go out for a fun night on the town? I think they thought “oh, we’re too old for this sillyness”. Nobody was planning anything crazy…nobody overdrank…in fact, two people didn’t drink at all. It was all in fun.
So…thoughts? Not sure what to think anymore.