Post # 1
So I am trying to get the bridesmaids to go order their dresses. The wedding is in May. I would like them to have their dresses by April 1st because they will all need alterations of some sort and I don’t want anyone waiting until the last minute. We went and picked out the dress 2 months ago. I have given them all a deadline of when to order by because the salon gave me one to ensure the dresses come in on time. According to the salon, the designer we like for the dresses does take the full amount of time which is 6 months. We are pushing it now. I have 2 bridesmaids who are being rather difficult. The one is waiting for a check from school so she can go pay for her dress deposit. The last time she was supposed to get a check it was 2 months late. The other one just won’t respond to me as to when she is ordering. I have emailed her and called her. The one time she did call me back to ask about the dresses she proceeded to tell me that she thinks all the bridesmaids need to order the shoe that she likes because it’s cute and everyone should match because they are wearing cocktail length dresses and the shoes she picked out are perfect. I informed her that the shoes were $65 a piece and I don’t think the others would want to spend that much on shoes. I told her that I would be fine if everyone wanted to wear some cute strappy black shoes, if they match great, if not, that’s fine too.
So my stress is this, how do I get these 2 to actually go order their dresses. The salon will not place the order until all the girls go in and get measured and place their deposits. I specifically did not pick an expensive dress because I knew a couple of the bridesmaids would have a hard time with the price. I have one who is pregnant and due in December and I don’t want her to worry about how she will afford an expensive dress.
I am getting pissed at the 2 who are dragging their feet, and don’t even bother to call or text or even email me back. I know they are busy with their own lives, which is fine. I don’t call them just to talk wedding stuff. I call to see how things are going in their lives and what’s new. The one I have been friends with since elementary and I am starting to regret asking her. She didn’t even call me on my bday to say hey happy birthday. When Fiance and I did get engaged, her husband called and said congrats.
I know, I sound like a huge b****. I don’t mean to be. I am just trying to avoid having them pay extra charges to have their dresses rushed. And it won’t be just them, it would be all the bridesmaids who would have to pay because of the 2 who procrastinated.
The deadline I have given them is the 15th of October. The salon we are going to for the dresses is about 20 minutes away. I have offered to take everyone down this weekend to go and order so they wouldn’t have to drive and waste their gas. But did that help, no. I am tempted to ask them to step down and just move my daughters up to bridesmaids instead of JR BM’s and just buy new dresses for them and sell their JR BM’s ones.
Post # 3
Weddings are stressful enough, you don’t need this. You’re not being a b**** either. It’s YOUR wedding. You should be the center of attention. DROP THEM. It’s not worth it. They aren’t putting forth the effort. Do you really want girls like that around you on your wedding day when you need them the most?
Post # 4
The one girls’ daughter is my flower girl too. I figure that I will give them until the deadline to order the dresses and if they don’t bother to call, text or email me by then, I guess they made that choice. I am not chasing them down to get them to order. I have my own girls to worry about. If it comes down to them not ordering then I will just move my 2 daughter’s up and be done with it.
Post # 5
I disagree with the first post.
Maybe they just don’t have the money. How can you purchase the dress with no money? I’d ask them if it is a money issue. If so, maybe you need to pick out a cheaper dress or pay for their dresses. You could even offer to loan money to the girl who is waiting on her check.
Did everyone agree that they liked the dress? Maybe they are dragging their feet because they feel uncomfortable with your choice in the dress.
Post # 6
@mrskisstobe: My sister had a Bridesmaid or Best Man who behaved the same way. My sister dropped her from the wedding party after she missed several deadlines to order the dress. She popped back up a few months later promising that she would order the dress and be at the wedding if my sister gave her another chance. The vary last day passed for when the dress could be ordered and be back in time for the wedding….not only did the Bridesmaid or Best Man not bother telling my sister she didn’t order the dress….we never heard from her again.
@BlueChampagne: If a Bridesmaid or Best Man doesn’t have money, or doesn’t like the dress….just refusing to order it is passive agressive and adds stress to the entire planning process. The only thing it’s going to cause is bad feelings all the way around. They have had 2 months to voice their opinions one way or the other.
Post # 7
I agree with BlueChampagne – I understand that this is frustrating, but it’s also something that can be resolved. I’ve seen (in my own experience) failouts with friends from things like this.
I think that you need to talk with each of these bridesmaid in an open and understanding conversation, like “Hey. I know that you haven’t put down your deposit on the dress yet. We can’t put the order in until everyone’s deposit is in. When do you think you can do that?” In a calm tone so that no one is put off by that.
Post # 8
When we went to look at dresses, the one bridesmaid who is trying to get everyone to order some super expensive shoes actually picked out a dress twice the price as the one they eventually decided on. I specifically told them that I do not want them to spend a ton of money on a dress. Their dresses are $120 a piece. They would need to put $60 down to order. If I wasn’t paying for a good chunk of the wedding myself, I would offer to help them with their dresses but I have my daughter’s dresses to buy and everything else. They knew when they accepted to be in the wedding that they would be buying their own dresses. I left the choice of the dress up to the bridesmaids. All I asked is that it be a short black dress.
If it is a money issue, then they could at least return my call, text or email. I completely understand money issues. I can see money being an issue for the one waiting on her check. The other one was ready to buy $65 shoes for the wedding and expected the other bridesmaids to jump in and agree. If they are dragging their feet because they don’t want to be in it, fine, but I would rather they tell me. I wouldn’t be mad. I would completely understand. I just didn’t think it would be so difficult for “friends” to return a phone call, text or email.
Post # 9
i almost had the same issue. thankfully it didn’t come to it though. my one bridesmaid wanted to wait to order her dress because she wants to lose weight. that’s fine and dandy, but really? how long is it going to take you to get to a ‘comfortable’ weight. she eventually went about 2 weeks after the time i wanted them ordered.
Post # 10
@neontl I have had the discussion with the two about the salon won’t order until everyone’s deposit is paid. All I got was an, ok, I will see when I can go or no response at all. I don’t like bugging people about anything. It also makes it difficult to have a conversation with them when they don’t bother to call me back. It just makes me feel like they don’t want to be a part of the day. And if that’s the case, it’s fine but I just wish they would tell me. The one girl has been in 17 weddings, so she knows how this works.