(Closed) Bridesmaid drama

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I dont think she has to lose weight for your wedding. If you want her to be in your wedding you need to find a dress that fits her at the size she is now. If she is going to work to lose weight she has to do it for herself and not just to fit into a dress you picked out for her, thats a bit too much pressure. Why dont you show us the dress and maybe another bee can help you locate a similar dress that comes in a bigger size

Post # 4
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I think it is really poor taste to ask anyone to lose weight for your wedding. Make sure you haven’t hurt her feelings. The best option would have been to buy a dress all of the ladies would have felt comfortable in and that would include size 18. Maybe you could ask her to do a reading or to be an usher instead.

Post # 5
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

as much as i think people should try to lose weight for their health and wellbeing, i would not classify “doing anything to stay a bridesmaid” a valid reason for losing weight. i would think a true friend accepts their friends the way they are and not expect them to change in order to be in their in bridal party.  

i understand getting wrapped in having all the details of your wedding perfect, and i not trying to be mean, but i think you could try to see it from your BMs perspective – you are asking her to wear a dress that doesnt even come in her size….that must make her feel pretty damn awful that she cant even fit in the dresses you chose and she probably thinks if you chose that dress, then the dress is more important to you than her being in your wedding.

i can almost imagine her posting on this website and saying “my friend asked me to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man but then picked a dress that doesn’t come in my size and now saying i should lose weight so i can fit into the dress she picked. what should i do?”  i then imagine her getting a lot of sympathy and the advice being that she just tell you she can’t be a Bridesmaid or Best Man….

Post # 6
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I can understand where you are coming from.  Finding the right dress for all your girls is hard.  I think though, that if she were a true friend she would dedicate the time to make it work.  My mom does alterations and most dresses can be altered two sizes in either direction.  Perhaps you need to find someone who does alterations to see if an adjustment can be made before you nix the dress all together… 

:o)

Post # 7
Member
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I agree that you should not have the expectation that she lose weight for your wedding.

Friends should be accepted for who and what they are.

You had the option to find a dress that came in regular and plus sizes and you chose not to, or to find a dress that would be similar in her size. 

You could also have chosen to have your bridal party wear coordinating but different dresses. 

You have chosen to exclude her with your decisions.

Post # 8
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Dresses can be taken in 2 sizes, not let out 2 sizes. I’ve never really seen a dress that has 2 inches of fabric in the inseam.

I think you are being insensative by choosing a dress that only comes up to a size 16 when you know that she wears an 18. There are thousands of dresses that go up to a 28 and I’m sure that they have one that is almost identical to the dress that you picked out. If you were her friend you would think of her when picking out the dress. She is your friend not spimply a decoration in your wedding.

It’s like the time I told my cousin I wore a size 12 shoe and the Bridesmaid or Best Man shoes she picked only went to an 11, she then let us all pick out or own shoes. Is it my fault that i’m 5’11” and have huge feet no?

Granted, I’m sure she could lose some weight, but she should do it on her terms and not just to be in your wedding.

 

Post # 10
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

There are so many dresses out there and you are the one that picked one that doesn’t come in her size. I find it hard to believe that of the millions of dresses out there in the world you couldn’t find one dress you liked that came is her size.  Honestly that comes across as a very bridezilla thing to do.  If you were a true friend you would want your BMs to feel good on your wedding day.  It is really insentive of you and you are the one who isn’t being a very good friend.  She was willing to do you the honor of being a bridemaid and you insulted her by picking a dress that doesn’t come in her size and then suggesting she just lose weight.  A true friend wouldn’t treat her friend that way! You knew what size she was when you asked her to be in your bridal party!! ou should be completely ashamed of yourself!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Post # 11
Member
178 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My matron of honour is probably a similar size (18ish).  I would never think of asking her to lose weight just so she can fit into a dress that I love. Wow, what a request – if I were in the Bridesmaid or Best Man shoes, I think I would feel supremely humiliated and insulted. Have you ever tried to lose weight?  Its HARD.

Post # 13
Member
7296 posts
Busy Beekeeper

@Eliah87:  i didn’t mean you should revolve your decisions around her. i primarily meant that you may have hurt her feelings or made her feel that you thought the dress was more important than her being your Bridesmaid or Best Man. and i don’t think you would intentionally make her feel this way. i just think weight is a sensitive issue, so she may have backed for reasons other than her “not being a true best friend”.

my sister was recently a Bridesmaid or Best Man for someone and she was 6 months pregnant at the time. although the bride really wanted identical dresses, she ultimately let my sister pick another dress that fit and she was comfortable in.

something i did not think of before but a PP pointed it out….dresses can be altered 2 sizes up. maybe your friend doesn’t even know this and you could tell her that all she would really need is alterations so even if doesn’t lose weight, then it can still work!

Post # 14
Member
46371 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If she reads your comments she may be glad she opted out.

Post # 15
Member
458 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Whether or not you outright asked for her to lose weight, it was implied by your choice of dress. She’s being a great friend by simply stepping down rather than taking it personally and letting it ruin your friendship.

Post # 16
Member
729 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

@Eliah87: There are other stores than Davids. When you ask someone to be in your wedding you have to make them feel comfortable and think of them. It is an honor, but in the end they are doing YOU a FAVOR! Why would you want someone to be in your wedding and walking up the aisle looking like stuffed sausage? or with a sour look on their face. You want them to be comfortable and like what they are wearing.

I have BMs and I am taking into consideration their body types. I want them to feel pretty too, not like old maids or having rolls hanging everywhere because the dress was not good for their body. It is called COMMON COURTESY AND RESPECT AND FRIENSHIP.

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