(Closed) Bridesmaid drama

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
287 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I don’t think that you should.  I am so sorry that this situation is happening to you. I am sort of in the same shoes as you, so I understand your pain.  My Maid/Matron of Honor asked me to give her my wedding day! After I had already sent out save the dates. But that’s a whole different story…

I don’t think you should invite her.  If you invite her, when you see her you might get upset.  It sounds like she might even sit in the corner and acting how awful your wedding is compared to hers. I think you don’t want anything that is going to upset you on your wedding day, so cut the tie. 

Post # 4
Member
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Wow, that’s pretty harsh. Sounds like you may have a “frenemy” on your hands… However, you could always go with the same venue, your mutual friends who attend both weddings would be the only ones who know. AND if her wedding is first, you’d have the advantage of knowing what went right and wrong.

Whether to invite her to your wedding or not depends on whether you care to salvage the friendship. What did you figure out while you were away on your vacation? Do you want to talk to her and try to mend the friendship or are you over it?

It may be that she felt really abandoned by you and felt that you could have handed your mother off to someone else, everyone has different priorities. (Of course, I would be inclined to say that your ailing mother takes priority!) She also may just have been a bridezilla.

Once you’ve evaluated your feelings, then:
 a) write her off 
 b) have a heart to heart with her

Depending on the outcome of your talk, decide whether to invite her. Things might be a little tenuous (sp?) for a while, because you’ve both hurt the other, right or wrong. But good friends should be able to work past this.

I hope your mom is recovering well!

Post # 5
Member
278 posts
Helper bee

NO! I would not. If she was your “friend” she would 1) not have taken your dream wedding venue 2) She would understand the situation with your mom and 3) She would have included you in the wedding party!

 

* You were hurt, and your wedding is a time that you need to be surrounded by people who love and support you…and it sounds like she’s jealous of you an likes to steal your good ideas.

Post # 6
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I’m sorry you are going through that, I’d be really upset. I know it probably feels weird and is kind of an admission of things being over but I would not invite her. I would distance myself from the friendship and let it die. I think it’s mean enough she took your venue but then to be worried only about her wedding when your mom has cancer? I can’t imagine how difficult that must be for you to go through, you do’t need someone who is not supporitve or there for you.  Also, if I were you I’d still have it at the Hyatt! Although I am guessing it’s too late now?

Post # 7
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I would so not invite someone to my wedding if they were selfish enough to think their wedding was more important than my mother’s health. That, to me, is the biggest deal. The wedding venue sucks but wouldn’t have been a deal-breaker for me necessarily. But not including or inviting you because you weren’t devoted to her “special day” <– gag, is ridiculous. Stick to your REAL friends for your wedding. 🙂

Post # 8
Member
247 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

THat is unreal to me…who needs enemies when you have “friends” like that. If I were you I wouldn’t think twice about her and suround yourself with loving supportive people on your wedding. day  That was such a classless move on her part…don’t invite her and have a kick-ass wedding is what I say!

Post # 9
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I wouldn’t invite her, if she really is your best friend something like your mothers health should be a huge issue and she should understand everything. I think you should definitely re-evaluate your friendship with her and not invite her to the wedding. If she even questions why you just lay it all out on the table.

Post # 10
Member
275 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

p.s. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. 

Post # 11
Member
987 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Sorry to hear that.  I can’t believe she’d go from being your best friend and asking you to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man to not even inviting you!  Especially given you’ve been through a hard time. 

I don’t think I’d invite her..I’d probably stop being friends with her completely. 

Best wishes with your wedding. 

Post # 12
Member
2053 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Ugh. I’m so sorry to hear this. At this point, I wouldn’t invite her. This is clearly an unhealthy and painful situation for you, and inviting her to the wedding with all that unresolved may open up a can o’ worms. An invitation to a wedding is an *honor* for a guest; not a favor, not a sign of your friendship, but an honor for them to witness something special in *your* life. Ask yourself, does she deserve that honor?

Check in with your gut feelings first and foremost. Do you feel this is a friendship worth saving? Is there a thread of hope? If you so decide, check in with her one-on-one and see if she is willing to resolve it, or if she’d rather fight. If you’re able to salvage the friendship, and she apologizes to you for her insensitivity, then and only then would it be safe to invite her to the wedding.

And…

If you want your wedding at the Hyatt, then by golly, have it at the Hyatt. Who cares when or where she has hers. 😉 Do what makes *you* happy. 🙂

Post # 13
Member
201 posts
Helper bee

All I have to say is ABSOLUTELY NOT! She got my bad side when you said that she asked you to step down for not being able to attend her “bridal activities” because you were caring for your mother! If she was in any way your friend, then she would have your best interests at heart and UNDERSTAND the circumstances you were faced with! I hope your mother is doing well and I DO hope that you still go with your dream venue and blow her wedding out of the water!

 

Sorry, I hate insensitive people like this….

 

Good luck sweetie

Post # 14
Member
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Ouch! I don’t see the venue thing as being a big deal, you know lots of people get married in the same place.

But the whole “asking you to step down and not even inviting you becasue your mom had cancer (hope she’s ok!)” is F***** up.

Sorry you don’t need this “friend” in your life.

 

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