Post # 1
Okay ladies I need you opinions.
Ever since my fiancée and I were engaged, I have been trying hard to not be a bridezilla. However, my sister and father keep telling me how horrible I am with how I am acting about the wedding. My Fiancee and I are paying for our own wedding and have given our parties a lot of leeway in decision making for their attire.
My sister and I have never been close because we are very different people. Although I know, I can be selfish sometimes and not see others perspectives, my sister defiantly would take gold in being selfish if something does not revolve around her. My original intent was only to ask my best friend as a maid of honor. However, my father felt that I should ask my sister and fiancée sister in law to be part of the party. My sister has a sleeve tattoo on one arm and another large tattoo on the other. While I have nothing against tattoos, we are doing a vintage inspired wedding so I was concerned about my sister covering it up. However, my father told me that he would help support me if it became an issue. So I asked all the girls and letting them know the expectations i.e. simple makeup and hair and covering up any tattoos. Although my Maid/Matron of Honor and soon to be SIL also a bridesmaid have been very supportive (although they have their own opinions on fashion also), my sister has been a royal bridesmaidzilla.
Fast forward to picking out dresses… my sister told me I had horrible taste so I gave her more choices in selecting a dress (all the girls are wearing similar cuts but different colors of blue) to avoid confrontation. I asked all the girls opinion on shoes and got the exact same problems. I have horrible taste. She would not give me an option so I eventually asked her after several weeks of back and forth to either play nice or step down. I was told to shove off. Throughout this, my father was telling me that I was horrible and should just let her wear whatever she wanted. Since she already bought shoes, she should be able to wear the black shoes.
Finally, last week I attempted to give it another try. I sent her an email telling her I sincere wanted her at the wedding and as part of the bridal party. To which she responded in a very mean way that I never sent her the shoes. After attempting to reach her again after several days, she stated she had bought the shoes but was unsure if they were going to arrive in time or be the right size. After bringing up covering the tattoo today, she told me she would not cover that up even though I only requested it for the formal pictures and ceremony.
I am at my wits end. Although I love her, I cannot keep putting myself through this. However, my biggest fear is that my dad will not only side with her again but also not attend my wedding. I know for my own sake I need to tell her and stick to my guns that she can a) either cover it up or b) step down. However, I do not want to cause my parents not to come. I am usually the one who steps aside and acquiesces but I know this is the one time I cannot budge.
Thoughts? Am I being a bridezilla or is my older sister being unreasonable?
Post # 3
@gabrielle.gagnon24: I think your sister is being unreasonable. This is YOUR wedding. I have a distinct feeling if SHE were the bride she would not be a accomidating as you are. You need to tell her and your parents that the rules are for all the bridal party out of fairness. She needs to cover her tattooss, wear the dress you want and the shoes or she can become a guest. If the choose not to come, so be it. Enjoy your day and love your husband.
Post # 4
She’s definitely being unreasonable. You should stand up to her, lay it on the line, and if she chooses not to follow the rules then she is effectively CHOOSING to step down. Explain this to your parents and then just hope for the best. All I’ll say regarding your parents is that if they choose to let this issue affect them so much that they refuse to attend their daughter’s wedding, they’re not very good parents. You can’t force them to attend, and if they choose not to come then that’s THEIR issue, not yours.
Maybe your sister acts this way because noone ever forces her to act differently? If that’s the case and you give in to her again on this, you’re just perpetuating the cycle.
Post # 5
While your sister hasn’t been the nicest to you I can’t say that you’re 100% not in the wrong here. I don’t have a single tattoo and I’m not a huge fan of them but I would never, ever ask anyone to cover up something that is part of them just for photos. I really don’t think that’s fair in any way. If you love her for who she is then she is that same person on your wedding day, tattoos and all.
Are the shoes and the tattoo issue really worth creating such drama over? I would just let it go and let her wear whatver shoes she wants and let her be herself at your wedding.
Post # 6
It sounds to me like you have been as accomedating as possible and that she is doing anything and everything to cause problems, at this point i wouldn’t even give her an option, I would fire her.
Post # 7
I don’t think she is being unreasonable, maybe not the easiest to get a long with,but some of her concerns are founded. Requesting her to cover sleeve tatoos, is a really hard task- try finding a dress to do that and have it be something flattering.
I don’t really get the big deal with the shoes, you gave options and she found an option she liked better. In the scheme of it they are shoes. Yes, she should have absolutely communicated better and probably could have been more pleasant.
From here on out make a decsion and tell all of your Bridesmaid or Best Man that decsion, when you give options and leave things open for opinions you are going to get them.
And I doubt your parents would not come over these little issues, if they would miss your wedding over this then you have much bigger issues than dresses and shoes. I would ask them to let the two of you deal with your problems.
Post # 8
Okay so I have been reading all your posts and appreciate your input. I would like to clarify a few aspects.
All the girls were allowed to pick out blue dresses, short, matte satin, in a traditional style form any store and in any price range. I asked them to choose to dresses and that I could have the final thumbs up on the dress selection before purchase. This would allow them all to pick a dress they liked and suited them but that would work with the vision of the wedding. That is when I was told that I should change the colors because blue did not look good on her. After a frustrating shopping I finally gave in to a dress that would work but did not necessarily fit the theme or traditional. But I wanted to accommodate her. This was 6 months ago.
For shoes I sent them 5 shoes and asked for their ranking on them. This allowed me to incorporate on their styles. Again, I was told that my taste was horrible and she refused to purchase the shoes. She went out and bought shoes after I was very clear that I wanted all the girls to wear the same shoes, but would ask their opinion and get their input. I don’t have a problem that she does not like my taste my problem is that she bough shoes after I asked them to not buy any since they would all be wearing the same shoes since all three dresses are different to ensure there is some consistency, and that she not only says my taste is horrible but all the other girls can go out and buy the 4 inch stiletto heels in black that she bought. One of the girls never wears heels and the other wears lower heels. So I asked her to step down. This was 4 months ago and she finally agreed after I made another effort to get her involved a week ago (45 days from the wedding)
Finally, I have a tattoo and so does my Maid/Matron of Honor. She volunteered to cover her tattoo without me asking. I would do the same. So I don’t understand how I am being superficial by asking her to cover hers for 5 of 8 hours of the wedding. I asked her from the get go to cover the tattoo. She said that she disagreed with that be never said she would not do it until 33 days out from the wedding. Hence my frustration.